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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Meddling mother in laws!

63 replies

toxitears181 · 09/01/2018 08:38

Hey ladies I'm 12 weeks pregnant and going for my dating scan tomorrow, my mother in law has been buying baby things like prams, cots etc even though I've told her I want to make sure baby is ok first ! But she won't listen and she's texting me constantly asking what about this do you want me buy you that and it's got to the point were I have nothing left to buy my little one. I am grateful don't get me wrong but surely there is a line were enough is enough? Also my mum feels left out as she's not had a single chance to. buy anything because my mother in law has brought it all already 😫 am I overreacting? Would love to know others opinions. No hate please x x

OP posts:

clarebear1983 · 10/01/2018 08:35

This would drive me crazy!! Just go and buy the pram etc you want. I loved shopping for my first babies things, reading reviews and carefully choosing exactly what I wanted.

If your DH isn't going to stick up for you then next time she texts just be blunt and say you've already bought those things and you're worried she'll run out of space at her house to keep them all...Or better still offer to go shopping with her for baby stuff, tell her you have a list that way meddling MIL can pay the bill.

Taylor22 · 10/01/2018 09:10

Why doesn't he care about you being upset? Why don't you matter?
She's had her children but that wasn't good enough now she wants to steal your special time?! How's that fair?

Original poster

toxitears181 · 10/01/2018 09:26

Exactly @Taylor22 I just get told I'm being ungrateful and she's only doing it because she's exited! But he just isn't understanding my point of view. It's like my point is irrelevant and things won't change as I can't say anything. Whenever I say anything about MIL he snaps at me and says don't talk about her behind her back. So frustrating 😣 xxxx

OP posts:

FlippingFoal · 10/01/2018 09:33

Could you explain to him that you're also excited and wanted to choose these things together as a couple but now you can't. She's taken this from him too - would that tact work?

Toasttea · 10/01/2018 09:36

This would annoy me a little bit just purely because your still in the early stages. It's great she wants to help out and buy things but it sounds like she's going a little over the top. it would be a little nicer if she asked you what things you would like rather than go and chose things herself.

flumpybear · 10/01/2018 09:41

She's totally stealing your party!! That choosing us the fun part! Just say thanks but I want some of the fun myself and my mums feeling left out - if she doesn't get the hint just ask if you can change items as they'll not match your needs or nursery colour scheme

K9pal7 · 10/01/2018 09:46

This would annoy me.
It's nice for them in be excited but not fait on your own mothers who can't help You or seem to buy anything's for her grandchild.
If it continues just say to her oh I've already brought this or my mother has. Hopefully she'll get the message. If you don't like the pram andcoat tell her to keep it at hers and you can buy the ones you do like

Taylor22 · 10/01/2018 09:47

So as far as he's concerned you're just the incubator for his mothers baby?
Gross.

timeisnotaline · 10/01/2018 09:49

Hmm you need a serious talk with your dh. Point out that if you can’t disvuss and agree an approach on your mil you won’t be talking behind her back , you will be cracking and telling her to fuck off to her face. Is that what he wants? Does he really intend to say you can never disvuss his mother in your marriage? In
which case you need to move house immediately a long way away so discussing mil isn’t so necessary.

Original poster

toxitears181 · 10/01/2018 10:12

I know I've been itching to get this off my chest for a couple of weeks now. I new it would end in a argument I asked him to tell her to stop buying things as my parents and myself want to buy stuff aswell as it's not all revolved around her. She acts like she's the only nan! We went out with her the other day as she took me to the doctors to get my results back from urine sample as been having UTIS and straight after she took us baby shopping which I was cursing her in my head! She took me to toys r us and picked up a baby bath and a mobile and spent nearly £150 on stuff that day. When she picked up the baby bath I said please don't buy the bath I don't need one. And she says well I need to spoil little one ! 😫 but I genuinely felt upset because it's stealing my glory really. Then she was looking at cots and asking me shall I buy you one. I said no my mum and dad might want to buy me one and I don't need one yet anyway. Later that evening I'm getting text after text saying oohhh what about this cot. I saw a lovely one the other day but it's gone now because you told me not to buy one! She's driving me insane! Then when I explained look I don't want a cot yet as I wanna see baby on scan first as midwife has told me that you should wait and all she says is oh don't listen to midwife!!!! 😩 I'm terrified about my scan today and no one seems bothered please wish me luck xxxxxx

OP posts:

Bobbiepin · 10/01/2018 10:18

Oh love you have to tell DH how you feel. This is less about MIL and more about you feeling in control. Remind DH that this is his baby too. The 'ignore the midwife's comment would realky concern me. What if she suddenly has views about safe sleeoing or feeding etc. Does her opinion count more than the midwife?

Good luck for the scan today, let us know how it goes.

K9pal7 · 10/01/2018 10:26

Goo luck to tomorrow.
Your jusy going have a start put ypu foot don't more and say to her thank you for for the help but now i be nothing left and am really upset and hurt. My parents are ho's as they haven't had a chance and they are feeling so let out.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/01/2018 10:27

I can see how this is annoying.

Tell her to keep all the stuff at hers till you ask.

Then only ask for stuff you want.

To be fair I adore my IL’s and mine bought and borrowed baby stuff when I was pregnant in anticipation of us staying over at hers when baby arrived.

My FIL bought us the cot we wanted and matching changing unit. It is been a lot of help to be honest as baby stuff is so very expensive.

Use it to your advantage, if she’s going to buy it anyway tell her exactly what you want and leave the things you don’t want stored at hers.

Btw I’ve never used baby baths, I take baby in the bath with me and wash her at the same time. Then dp takes her and dresses her and I have a good long soak.

glitterglitters · 10/01/2018 10:28

Nip this in the bus now and get oh involved because it will continue.
Signed the woman who has a wardrobe full of hideous clothes for her kids with tags still on.

mustbemad17 · 10/01/2018 10:30

Definitely set boundaries! My mum always said her & my dad wanted to buy the pram...sort of a tradition in our family. But they wouldn't buy until after the 12 week scan. My ex's mum went & kitted the baby out, pram/cot everything at 8 weeks!

It's really nice that people get excited, but for me i enjoy choosing things & get cross when others try to muscle in without speaking to me

mustbemad17 · 10/01/2018 10:31

Hope scan goes okay btw, sending lots of

Taylor22 · 10/01/2018 10:57

Tell your Oh that his mother butts out he he gets ditched.
He isn't needed for this pregnancy. He can just get a text when the baby is born.

WrittenandGrown · 10/01/2018 11:03

Good luck with your scan!

fuzzywuzzy · 10/01/2018 11:07

I just would not take any stuff I didn’t want.

My own parents did this when I had my eldest they went off and bought utter crap I did not what or ask for. The worse being the crappiest cot and putting it up in my house when I was out.

Is your DP on side? If so just let your mil get on with it. And only take what you want.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck for your scan.

Peanutty86 · 10/01/2018 11:29

How did your scan go?

I only had one experience so far, a pregnancy pillow I didn't want. Can't complain, I'm sure husband will enjoy it.

How about try turning things around? It doesn't hurt starting to read up things you might want and make a list. You can mentioned this list or even send her links with comments saying 'look how cute I'm definitely going to buy this for my baby!' Baaaang, she'll buy it. With a try, don't you think? (Also, you're being very patient. I'd go crazy on my MIL if she did that....)

AKP79 · 10/01/2018 11:49

I have an over bearing MIL too... she's doing my head in. She's very excited (although it's her 5th grandchild) and is extremely opinionated. I am quite reserved, not very social and thrive on my own company. I know I will want to spend the first few weeks with it being just me, my hubby and son (from a previous relationship), but she's already saying that she's going to be there every day to help. I don't want that. She's also forcing her opinions - don't breast feed, the baby wont sleep, find out the sex don't leave it a surprise, you're not going to do anything stupid like a routine are you?

It's exhausting and sending my anxiety into overdrive!

I think the fact your MIL is buying lots is lovely, but she needs to be doing it with you. Surely that's more enjoyable for all? Make it an experience rather than a box ticking exercise!

On the Mama thing, my mum is a Grandma and for a while my son called her 'ma' before he could say Grandma... could that be a route you could go down?

MinorRSole · 10/01/2018 12:43

The mama thing wasn't the op and has already been well handled by the poster.

Op, your mil needs to reign it in and your dh needs to support you. Expecting to spare her feelings at the expense of yours and your own mothers is not a good precedent to set.

Sit him down and be firm but calm. You don't need the stress, your baby doesn't need the stress and he needs to think like a father not like a little boy who hasn't cut the apron strings.

It's lovely that's she excited but seeing as she isn't 5 I'm pretty sure she can control it

CAAKE · 10/01/2018 12:53

Oh, OP, I would hate that. As PP have said, nip it in the bud now, be firm and set boundaries. She is trying to be kind and thoughtful but she's overstepping her place by ignoring you.

Original poster

toxitears181 · 10/01/2018 19:35

Update baba very healthy heartbeat and was wriggling away ❤️❤️👶🏻

OP posts:

Peanutty86 · 10/01/2018 19:40

@toxitears181 congrats!!! You might want to edit the picture as your full name is on display....

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