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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender shock

53 replies

Lotsalotsagiggles · 21/12/2017 22:49

Hey

Had my 21 week scan today and gender was a complete shock

Had my hurt set on a girl and girls run through the family so wasn't at all expecting it to be a boy

I had names and nursery etc planned and now feel so incredibly guilty that I feel so disappointed

Please tell me it passes? I'll of course love my child, just need to get head around it being different to what I've dreamt of

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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OhLittleDorrittofBethlehem · 21/12/2017 22:56

I really, really don't want to sound mean but you always had a 50% chance of it being a boy. How in the world could that be "a complete shock"? I can understand you might have had a preference but.... "shock" - really?!

QueenLaBeefah · 21/12/2017 23:02

"Girls run in your family"🤔

Toasttea · 21/12/2017 23:08

I don't understand why people set there hearts on something like this then feel disappointed when it's not the outcome they want. Yes people have preferences but not everyone does, To me it's as long as baby is happy and healthy.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 21/12/2017 23:10

gender was a complete shock

Really? A complete shock? You didn’t know boy was one of the TWO possibilities? You didn’t get a shock. You just didn’t get what you wanted.

Also, it’s sex, not gender.

MaisyPops · 21/12/2017 23:12

At least you know you are being a bit daft.
There's a 50/50 chance when you fihd out baby's sex (sex not gender). I thinj you've created the whole picture perfect scenario in your head which is why you're now feeling a bit rubbish.

This is one of those moments when a mumsnet cliche is needed: i think you need to give your head a wobble abd be tjankful you have a healthy baby

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/12/2017 23:14

You're pregnant, and you have a healthy baby.

You know how these things work - it's 50:50 boy or girl.

You'll be just fine.

Scorbus · 21/12/2017 23:14

To be fair to the OP some families do have a genetic predisposition towards a particular arc especially on the maternal line. In my family there had been no boys for well over 100 years until my cousin had a son (via IVF). Multiple miscarriages throughout this and investigations showing a hostile environment towards male sperm. So it can happen.

Scorbus · 21/12/2017 23:15

Arc should be sex. Weird autocorrect there.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/12/2017 23:15

Of course it can Scorbus - we've all got stories we can relate of the same.

That doesn't alter the fact that it's pretty much a 50:50 thing, until it's revealed.

wanderlust99 · 21/12/2017 23:18

I know what you mean OP, with my dc3 I said to the sonographer "it's a boy, isn't it" and she said it was very definitely a girl! It sounds so over reactionary to say it felt like a punch in the gut, but that is how it felt. It wasn't that I wanted a boy, but from the beginning felt convinced it was one and had named my 'son' and bonded with him . Anyway got over the shock fairly quickly and certainly loved dd no less. It is good that you found out now, it is worse to have that shock when the baby is actually with you. A mum on the maternity ward was devastated that 'Jessica' was actually Ben. She hadn't asked sex of baby antenatally but was so convinced it was a girl as they didn't have boys in her family!

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 21/12/2017 23:18

You do realise that it's the sperm that dictates the sex of the baby though don't you? This can't really be that much of a shock.

It must be hard to feel disappointed with the babies sex, but try and think realistically does it matter?

What's really the difference between having a boy or a girl? You'll need to think of a different name for the baby, but really what is disappointing you about having a boy?

Ceebs85 · 21/12/2017 23:18

Dont waste time and energy feeling guilty. Just get planning for your healthy baby boy to arrive and remember how incredibly lucky you are.

PinkAvocado · 21/12/2017 23:19

Some unnecessarily harsh comments here-it is the pregnancy board not AIBU.

Sex disappointment is a recognised thing so don’t be hard on yourself, OP. In my DH’s family, all grandchildren have been one sex so everyone assumes the next ones will be too so I can see how you could be surprised. Don’t feel guilty-you’ve got time for this to sink in.

Scrumptiousbears · 21/12/2017 23:20

I wanted a boy. Set my heart on a boy. Had the name, planned his upbringing. At the 20 week scan I found out I was having a girl. As I was high risk pregnancy I had lots of scans and every one I double checked it was still a girl. Lol. Anyway once I got used to it I was fine and moved on from my disappointment.

I got pregnant again and yet again I wanted this boy. Yet again the scan said girl. Now I have two lovely girls and I'm so glad I never had a boy.

You will get people on here calling you ungrateful and selfish but you can't help how you feel. The feeling does change and you'll get over these feelings I promise.

user1485778793 · 21/12/2017 23:22

You'll get over it and love your baby just as much as you thought

MaisyPops · 21/12/2017 23:30

I don't think it is harsh to be telling someone they are being daft for being disappointed with a healthy baby.

Some of us have been ttc for over a year (with some much longer) so it does sort of make you feel a bit blah to hear someone be disappointed they haven't got the sex they wanted.

It may be very real to feel that way, but it doesn't change that it is a little daft and will probably fade.

Mrstobe90 · 21/12/2017 23:33

You’ll soon get over this initial disappointment as long as baby is healthy, that’s all that matters xx

PinkAvocado · 21/12/2017 23:37

Would you tell someone with pnd that they’re daft because they should be happy to have a healthy baby? Hopefully not. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t make it daft.

Deemail · 21/12/2017 23:44

I was convinced my first was a girl. when he was born I fell in love completely and utterly but it took time to adjust to thinking of he rather than she.
I was never disappointed but because I had convinced myself I was having a girl it took a couple of days to adjust.
Having had 3 children, male and female all I can say is a baby is a baby, their gender doesn't normally impact how you feel once their born.

confuddledconfudle · 21/12/2017 23:46

@Scorbus you do know that it is the males that determine sex of the baby. So a maternal line of girls only is nothing at all to do with the females (unless there is an x-linked genetic condition that is fatal to male fetus)

OP you had it all worked out in your head and you have to let go of your imagined future. However when you have done that (give it time) you will be super excited about your new imagined future with your little boy. Just think how much attention he will get with a long line of females only. Best of luck for your pregnancy.

Kintan · 21/12/2017 23:46

My husband and I both thought we’d slightly prefer a girl, when we found out he was a boy I had to let go of the imagined life of having a daughter as our first child. However now he is here I can look back and laugh at my very very small twinge of disappointment at the 20 week scan (once we knew the baby was healthy) as our boy is the absolute light of our lives. I do kind of get where you are coming from, but once you have him you’ll realise that he is your amazing little person and his sex is irrelevant.
I know it’s hard for those who struggle to conceive to read this kind of thing, but your feelings are your feelings - and the fact that you are acknowledging and dealing with them now is so positive. Good luck, hope you have an easy rest of the pregnancy and have a brilliant time getting to know your little boy.

confuddledconfudle · 21/12/2017 23:48

Oh and I was so convinced o was having a little boy (we didn't find out sex) that when Midwife held my baby up when born I said ohh a little boy and she turned Baby round confused and said no a girl I can't image ever having a boy now and you will be the same OP.

GummyGoddess · 21/12/2017 23:51

This hasn't happened to me as I was convinced both pregnancies were boys and I was correct. If they had turned around and said it was a girl I would have been shocked and probably cried. That wouldn't have been because I didn't want a girl, but I was so convinced I was having a boy that I had been imagining them for months by that point, and I imagine having it all turned upside down would be really disorienting, like they had been taken away from me.

You will get over the shock and you will adore your little boy.

boredofmyoldname · 21/12/2017 23:53

@pinkavocado There's a huge difference between PND and someone being disappointed about the sex of a baby.

For starters, one is a diagnosed medical condition which can seriously impact on your ability to function, health and wellbeing and the other is a completely trivial feeling with a situation that was 50% possible from the start.

Please do not compare or trivialise PND to this.

With that said, I do think we tend to build an image of our child from the start and it must be a bit of a shock to have to forget and rebuild that image but you know this is daft. You're having a healthy baby boy and just think how much he will be doted on by everyone for being the first Grandson/Nephew etc! Congratulations :o

blue2014 · 21/12/2017 23:55

I always thought I would prefer a girl, thought I'd be a natural mum to a girl.

DS is (obviously) a boy. Oh my god, he's the absolute love of my life! He brings me joy every single day. We have such fun, he's such a laugh. I loved him from the minute he was born.

It won't mater once he's here, honestly it won't. Don't stress yourself with it now.

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