I'm trying to persuade NOT to find out the sex in two weeks - help me, I'm weakening!!

[Hopeitwontbebig]

I'm pregnant with DC3. DS1 was a surprise, DS2 we found out at 20 weeks.

All through this pregnancy I've been saying I won't find out the sex. I was chatting to DH lastnight and he's saying he'd quite like to know. I also had a friend over for a coffee and she asked me why I didn't want to know... I couldn't really think of a very good reason apart from it'll be a surprise at teh end.

I don't think I mind what it is...... but it would be nice if it was a girl, seeing as I've got two boys already, but a boy would be nice too.

OK, so why shouldn't I find out the sex.....

i always thought i would want to know the sex - cos whats the point of not knowing everything you can? - but to my surprise changed my mind just before the 20 wk scan and decided not to. you get prodded/poked/tested and scanned so much during pg i just wanted some mystique, something unknowable.
3 weeks to go and i still like not knowing - tho it does enable total strangers to tediously insist they know it 'must' be a boy/girl for some weird reason.
but that said i genuinely dont care what sex i have - sounds to me, hope, like things are different for you and if at heart you want a girl maybe best find out now so you can adjust if necessary? good luck whatever you decide!

Again, thanks for messages.... muchly appreciated x x

DH wanted to know the sex and I didn't mind wither way a 20 week scan. I was so glad I didn't know in the end although everyone was convinced I was having a girl (I did) Whilst I was in labour I was so looking forward to the suprise. It was the thing that kept me going.

It's a very personal thing, plus even the most highbrow expert can get it wrong, but even so I would want to have a best guess! Several reasons - after 2 girls I wanted to clear out any possible feelings of regret about another girl before she arrived, (as it turned out it was a boy) - secondly sheer practicality of kit - thirdly, and a bit ghoulish maybe but I kept DD1 as a surprise and when everything went pear-shaped at the birth I felt really robbed of that "it's a girl" moment, (knowing in advance allows you to celebrate without any birth issues upsetting things), finally and most importantly it allows you to connect with your baby as a person not an "it". We called our bumps by the names we had chosen as soon as we knew. (Accepting that the scan might be wrong, and that the name might not seem to suit when sprog arrives). When all said and done though I hope you make the decision that is right for you.

Hopeitwontbebig,
I think I'm in a pretty similar situation to you.
I have two boys and am expecting third child in June. I have had loads of scans as baby is in fact very big, and decided not to find out the sex this time.
I have tried to suppress any hopes for a girl, however at my second to last scan when I was about 30 weeks the sonographer kept referring to "he" and "his" all the way through. I had told sonographer at the start of the scan that I didn't want to know the sex, but came away feeling very deflated and upset mainly due to feeling it was confirmation that I saying goodbye to the "little girl dream".
I felt really quite down for a couple of days and didn't tell anyone except DH. Since then, a lot of people including on MN have suggested that sonographers probably refer to babies in general as "he" instead of saying "it" and it may not mean anything. A week or so ago I had another scan with the same sonographer, told her what she had said, and she immediately said "I refer to all babies as he- it doesn't mean anything".
To be honest though, I'm not sure that I believe her or anyone else! I think she just slipped up, so the point of this rather long message is to try and pass on my own thoughts of whether I think it is best to know in advance and get used to the idea or wait until the birth and manage any disappointment then.
Overall, it's very mixed- sorry!! On the one hand, I think now that I would have been disappointed at the birth which isn't very nice for either mother or baby (in fact the only case of PND that I know of did involve a mother having a boy when she wanted a girl).
On the other hand, I think finding out may affect your enjoyment of the rest of the pregnancy if it's not a girl.
I'm now in a position of being 90% sure it's a boy, but with a 10% thoughts it's a girl. For me, this is an ok situation, as there is still an element of surprise but I have worked through some issues as well. I adore my two little boys and know that I will feel the same about a third- it's just that I won't be having any more babies and it is always hard to give up a dream.

Thanks lillochum and Rosetip,
the more I think about this, the more I'm swaying towards finding out..... I think if DH and I do find out, we won't tell a single sole. I think part of the fun is giving other people the surprise after the birth.

Over the past few weeks I've had those 'pregnancy dreams' we seem to get!! In one, I had a little girl and I panicked because I didn't know what to do with her, I'm so used to boys. I guess what's triggered these thoughts is that I had a dream a week or so ago and it was a boy and I was so upset (in my dream), but woke up feeling a tad down. Up until then, I really thought I didn't mind at all.

I think I'm just SO convinced that we just don't make baby girls in this family, I'd be almost shocked if it was a girl, in a good way of course!

We kept it a surprise with DS1 & DS2. I really wanted a boy 1st time around and was thrilled and still remember the moment when I gave birth and first saw his willy!

I thought I wouldn't mind either way with DS2 as we had a few complications on the scan which turned out fine and ultimately all I wanted was a healthy baby, be it boy or girl. I'm ashamed to say though that when DS2 arrived I had a slight deflated feeling. Joy as well of course, but even so there was a fleeting tinge of sadness that he wasn't a girl . DH said he felt the same way too. DS2 is now 8 weeks and I adore him to bits. It has taken me longer to bond with him than it did with DS1 and I have hated myself for feeling like that and as a result have had mild of PND which has now mostly passed. I couldn't imagine life any other way now though. But I do so wish I hadn't felt that tinge of disappointment on his arrival when I should have been overjoyed.

I had always been against finding out the sex beforehand but if I have another I will want to know purely becasue I want the birth to be a 100% happy occasion

I found out I was having a boy 1st tme around due to amnio, didn't know 2nd son till birth and found out at 33 weeks withdd birth

I was delighted all times, the birth was just as special and I would prob find out again if I ever have another one!

I didn't find out for any of mine, and have DS1, DS2 and DD1 (12 weeks).

I think you may feel disappointed at the scan, but if you wait until the baby is born, you won't be, because you will have your baby and you will be delighted, whatever.

I didn't admit it even to myself, but I wanted a girl too, but didn;t dare say so, like you, I already had 2 boys, so thought statistically, was more likely to have another one.

But now we have a girl too, it is fab. You will be glad if you wait, but it is hard!!

Depends on the birth too. I was so knackered and out of it after DD1 that the surprise would have been totally wasted on me - whereas finding out at 20 weeks I was so excited for days, telling everyone it was a girl, jumping around - it all seemed to become much more real when I knew the sex.

I regard it as the chance to celebrate twice - ie one lovely bit of news at 20 weeks to share with everyone, then more happy news at 40 weeks (well, it was 42 actually).

found out 2nd time with DS1 - glad I did for exactly same reasons. At birth, I 'm so knackered and relieved it's all over, not to mention various mediacal complications, just relief rather than joy. So nice to be alert and aware and not in pain and not being stictched/ injected/fiddled about with at 20 weeks when you find out!!!!

well, if you've done it both ways, surely you know which you prefer. think they both have plus points. i would say, find out, if you were wanting a girl [so you can get your head round another boy!] but if you're not bothered then go for the surprise!

Sonographers probably deliberately make mischief I sometimes think. After two boys, at 20-week scan for baby 3, the sonographer cheerfully told me "you tend to get more of the same" thus leading me to believe was getting another boy ... but lo and behold had a lovely and surprising girl. Surprises are best I think - also if you have a hankering for a particular sex it is better in my view to find out what you are getting in the euphoria of giving birth - then there is no chance of even thinking you might be disappointed, because you have a baby who is entirely unique and different from any other boy / girl baby you might already have had.

I waited until the birth first time with ds, but when I was pg again 2 years later, I found it really hard going with a toddler in tow. I didn't enjoy the pregnancy, even though it was planned, and certainly didn't feel the special connection with the baby that I'd had first time round. I decided to find out the sex in order to help me 'bond'. I know this sounds rather fluffy, but we did find out, and it made a huge difference. Was overjoyed to discover I was having a girl.

It also made things much easier when preparing ds for the arrival of his sister. Meant we could talk about having a baby in the house and he even knew what she was going to be called.

In some ways I wish I'd left it, but finding out second time round really worked for me. I admire people who can wait until the birth - anything other seems like peeking at the Christmas presents before Christmas Day, although truly, the biggest and best surprise is meeting the baby - for this you really do have to wait until the big day!

We didn't ask as neither of us minded what sex the baby was and we wanted the surprise but I was 99.9% certain it was a boy from the very start. I still bought everything in neutral colours though just in case, felt it was tempting fate otherwise.

Friends found out because they felt they could prepare better.

There's no right or wrong to finding out, it's what suits you and your DH best.

We didn't find out, although it is so so tempting so you must be sure before you go into the scan.

So pleased I didn't, it was lovely to let my little girl just be her secret self till the big day and I was so excited to find out at the birth. Sounds silly but I feel that she was just ours for a little bit longer. As soon as other people find out they start demanding name choices, buy you nothing but pink or blue, ascribing characteristics (oohh he's kicking so much because he's a boy).

Totally blew me away as thought she was a boy so felt we were both going back to the beginning and finding out about each other fresh.

However, when she was born it really wasn't the first thing on our minds. Probably waited a few minutes before having a peak. More interested in looking at baby face and hands than bottom

I found out both times and have no regrets at all. I understand why people wait but for me the surprise at 20ish week was a huge event. First time round I had a boy and I am not ashamed to admit i really wanted a girl 2nd time. I know I would have been slightly deflated if it had been a boy second time so finding out the sex earlier would have enabled me to deal with those initial negative feelings while I was still pregnant. I know many mums who have had a preference over sex and whilst obviously totally happy with a healthy baby (which is after all the priority) have experienced a feeling of sadness if the desired boy/girl doesn't arrive. In my experience I feel I bonded with both children far better than if I had left it. I had a emcs and would not have been in any state to appreciate things post birth. Also other points such as weight, hair colour, who they look like were still a surprise and enough for me!

because my DH crying when he told me we had a son was one of the best moments of my life ever!!!!

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Think I agree with Mamag tbh in your case.

Here is why I DIDN'T want to find out.

The Liverpool poet Roger McGough had 3 sons with his first wife, and then remarried. He learnt at the scan that his 4th child was to be another boy. So he wrote lots of poems about being the father of 4 boys. No doubt they also bought clothes, decorated the nursery etc.

Then the baby was born a girl. The hospital had made a mistake at the scan.

The only failsafe way to sex the baby before birth is through amniocentesis - an invasive procedure and not worth risk to baby's life just for finding out the sex imo.

i was told at 14 weeks ( 4d scan) that dd2 was aboy - my Dh was overjoyed, we painted the nursery blue, grandma kniited blue cardys , names were picked out and dd1 was beign persuaded that a baby brother was not the end of the world, so when at 20 weeks he turned otu be a she a felt devastated, i felt i had let my dh down ( he wanted a boy) , my dd1 really couldn't understand and i grieved for about 3 weeks for "my little boy" . of course all this passed and i now look at dd2 aged 2 and wonder how i could have ever wanted her to be a boy, but if i ever had a third ( which i can't) i would definightly have a surprise.

Ah, takes me back - I was in the opposite situation HIWBB - 2 girls followed by a boy. No desire to find out with DD1 because (after 2 miscarriages) I just wanted a baby. Decided against with DD2 because it was such a different pregnancy thought baby would probably definitely be a he - so much for "intuition". When pregnant with DS I got so fed up with people telling me that I was obviously hoping for a boy this time, that, being the youngest of three girls myself, I just wanted to be able to tell them that no, I'm having another girl. We discussed finding out before we had the 20 week scan and were still undecided when the radiographer told us (after telling us she expected we wanted a boy! sigh!) that the scan was really clear. Thought if this complete stranger knew, we should too - when she told us it was a boy I said "you mean girl" obviously with such conviction that she got her colleague to check. And when they confirmed he was definitely a he, I wailed "but I don't do boys!".

I always equate it with taking a Mr Kipling fruit pie thinking it's apple, then biting into it and finding it's blackberry - you like them both the same but you were expecting something different - in retrospect am so glad that we did find out. I was so convinced DS was another DD and I think I would have had a bit more of a struggle coming to terms with it after the birth - as it was, it took me a couple of weeks to get over the shock. Being the third girl I thought my baby was going to me a reincarnation of me (yes, I know but hormones do funny things!!] - and I'm glad I had some time in the second half of the pregnancy to come to terms with it - didn't take long but am glad it was before the birth.

And it meant I could get rid of bags of baby girl clothes to make room for all those baby boy clothes friends plied on me because with 2 girls I had no "stock" - bought DS first pair of trousers at 4y 6m and first coat at 6y 3m!! He was the best dressed kid in the family!

You don't sound very scientific Wulf! Whatever you thought you knew, you had a 50% chance of being right each time so the outcome proves nothing.