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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I'm trying to persuade NOT to find out the sex in two weeks - help me, I'm weakening!!

93 replies

Hopeitwontbebig · 20/04/2007 13:09

I'm pregnant with DC3. DS1 was a surprise, DS2 we found out at 20 weeks.

All through this pregnancy I've been saying I won't find out the sex. I was chatting to DH lastnight and he's saying he'd quite like to know. I also had a friend over for a coffee and she asked me why I didn't want to know... I couldn't really think of a very good reason apart from it'll be a surprise at teh end.

I don't think I mind what it is...... but it would be nice if it was a girl, seeing as I've got two boys already, but a boy would be nice too.

OK, so why shouldn't I find out the sex.....

OP posts:

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FioFio · 20/04/2007 19:45

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honeyapple · 20/04/2007 20:02

I am starting over as well.... got NO baby stuff at all, all long given away.

DH is very keen to know the sex, I'm not so bothered...

BUT, when PG with DD the sonographer was unable to tell anyway as she had her legs crossed... so although we did want to know the sex, we couldn't, and subsequently had a lovely surprise.

Just want to say that even if you want to know the sex, you might not be able to see.

Good luck with whatever you decide- both ways are wonderful IMO. (Had DS who we did know the sex)

Bambiraptor · 20/04/2007 20:30

Hopeitwon'tbebig, I heard that if you have two children of the same sex you have a 75% chance of having the third the same sex, and the change is more likely to happen with the fourth child.
Apparantly it is based on mathematical probability.
I know loads of faimilies with 3 of the same sex (I am the youngest of three sisters - with a younger brother)
Don't know if it is scientifically true though!

Overrun · 20/04/2007 20:34

God Bambiraptor, don't temp into a fourth

Bambiraptor · 20/04/2007 20:43

Sorry Overrun . I haven't worked the maths out myself so don't really know if it's true.

Original poster

Hopeitwontbebig · 20/04/2007 20:47

Thanks Bambirapter, knew I'd heard that somewhere.

OP posts:

SlightlyMadSecret · 20/04/2007 22:36

Geeky mathematics alert

Ignoring any biological 'influence'

The odds of have a boy first time are 50% (52% actually I think, but lets call it 50% for the sake of argument)
The odds of having a boy 2nd time are 50%
The odds of having a boy 3rd time are 50%
The odds of having a boy 4th time are 50%
.....
.....

Translating this, 25% of 2 child families will be same sex families, 12.5% of 3 child families will be same sex families, 6% of 4 child families will be same sex families......

So if you believe the above the odds of you having a third boy are 50/50. And this is largely held to be true - statistically (ignore the doctors).

But biology can influence this. For example, maybe baby girls (or girl sperm) don't survive well for teh first few days in your womb. Maybe DH just makes better boy/girl sperm. Position of ejaculation (high v low) is reported to affect gender, with girls being conceived (supposedly) from a deep ejaculation - and you might expect that because you presumably have sex in a 'similar' manner each time cos you are (presumably) with the same partner you might expect to be slightly more likely to have the same sex again.

Having said all that I think that in 99%+ of the population biology has very little impact on this - so it largely comes down to pure statistics.

So I reckon you are 50/50 going to have a boy.

cece · 20/04/2007 23:49

No don't find out - so much nicer to wait and be rewarded by finding out after all that pushing! Never found out with either of mine and would do the same if I were given the chance.

New borns can be dressed in white babygrows so don't need to know!

FancyPants · 20/04/2007 23:56

I've never got the surprise thing either... For me, going through birth & labour was quite enough of a shock for one day thank you very much

cece · 20/04/2007 23:58

But you miss out on all the fun speculation of is a boy or is it a girl... The arguments about anmes for boys and girls...

For me it would spoil it if I knew. But each to their own and plenty of people opt for the knowing option ...

NotanOtter · 21/04/2007 00:03

dont do it!!

i knew with one out of 5 and it ruined the pg -you will 'mind' a lot less when you are holding it ....dont!

Artoo · 21/04/2007 06:42

The reason I don't want to find out is that the scan results are not 100% accurate.

Imagine the nightmare of being told at 20 weeks you're having a boy - you go out and tell everyone, you paint the nursery blue, you buy blue clothes. Then the baby arrives, and the midwife hands her to you and says "congratulations you have a beautiful baby girl".

I don't want to know, because if it is wrong, I don't want my first reaction to my beautiful newborn baby to be "but that's not right, that's not what I was expecting"!

Hugs,
Artoo.

belgo · 21/04/2007 06:45

My sister in law told everyone she was having a boy after her 12 week scan. (quite how she thought she knew this I don't know, the doctor didn't tell her)
Of course, it was a girl.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 21/04/2007 07:23

I liked having my surprises early.

LadyTophamHatt · 21/04/2007 08:17

I'm terrible with surprises. I love them but can't wait for them so apart from when I was PG with my first we always found out.

I went through a huge turmoil about whether to find out with DS4. I really didn't mind up until about a week before the scan and while reading a baby name book realised I really wanted a girl.
I thought to be dissappionted at the birth for even 2 seconds would feel awful, I'd had arotten PG anyway so being unhappy with what I got atthe end would have sent me over the edge I think....Looking back I was already hanging there by the skin of my teeth but thats another thread!!

Anyway when the sonographer told me we were having a boy I cried. Oh how I cried. All the way home I sobbed for thelittle girl I'd never have, thinking I'd never get to plait my girls hair, or paint her nails or believe it or not, even be the mother of the bride!!!!
It wasn't until I got home and a MN pal popped up on msn to ask how it it all went I calmed down (Fio.....).

I knew I'd love the baby regardless and finding out atthe scan was the best thing I did and it saved me alot of heartache.

So, I say find out because if you would prefer a girl even a teeny weeny tiny bit it'll be horrible to feel sad when you hold your brand new boy in your arm.

LadyTophamHatt · 21/04/2007 08:20

Also...what I've always said it's not that much of a surprise.
It's even one or the other.

There isn't a choice of 50!

Budababe · 21/04/2007 08:33

I didn't find out with DS (was convinced I was having a girl!). Might be more tempted if I was having another. But they CAN be wrong. My Mum ws telling me about someone who was told that their baby was a girl and they named her, decorated nursery, shopped etc. Then they had a boy. They felt bereaved as if their daughter had died.

My sis is PG on no.2 and really wants a girl (has a DS already) - I think in that case you really shouldn't find out as if you wait till the birth you are on a high anyway when the baby finally arrives and and disappointment would be fleeting whereas if you find out earlier you have longer to be disappointed IYSWIM.

3sEnough · 21/04/2007 08:49

NOOOOO - not knowing is lovely, lovely, lovely.......gotta have something 'surprising' to get you through the birth!

ChippyMinton · 21/04/2007 09:04

hopeitwontbebig - When i was pregnant with no3, after two boys, DH and i spent hours speculating about whether we would end up in a testosterone fuelled madhouse, or have a lovely daughter to even up the mix a bit . Either would've been fine, and we were chuffed to bits when DD arrived.

aestheticgirl · 21/04/2007 10:06

I didn't want to know with DS as so little is a surprise these days. We were all convinced we were having a girl so were happily surprised when DS put in an appearance.

But that was me and if I get round to DC2 I wouldn't want to know either. You do what feels right. Good Luck xxx

moogmum · 21/04/2007 10:14

I didn't find out with either of mine (DS and DD) and I wouldn't with a third either - that's just a preference for the surprise coming later, esp after labour. But I would have thought, like Budababe, that if there were to be any potential disappointment, you'd be less likely to feel it finding out at the birth than beforehand. With a just-born new baby it's hard to feel glum about anything, whereas with a scan pic you might feel it more.

newade · 21/04/2007 10:18

OOh hope our able to stay strong and not find out...Im 36 wks and looking forward to it being a complete surprise as have no idea..There are so few surprises in life

Original poster

Hopeitwontbebig · 21/04/2007 12:44

Thanks for posts. Well DH and I were discussing last night.... it occurred to me that I kind of am hoping for a little girl as I've got two boys already, yes I have all those images in my head of plaiting hair, going girly shopping, coffee and cakes etc etc. I don't have a particularly close relationship with my Mum and I guess I would love to have a 'proper' Mother / Daughter relationship with my own daughter. As I said earlier in teh thread, I found out with DS2 at 20 weeks because I was SO desperate for a girl, I admit also to crying, albeit for 5 minutes, but TOTALLY got my head round it, and was actually really looking forward to meeting my baby boy.

I think what also occurred to me..... this is going to sound awful, but here goes... is that I felt an immediate bond with DS2 when he was born, had a few problems bonding with DS1, I think I found it hard to connect the baby that had been handed to me to the baby that was growing inside me. Knowing that I was having a boy second time made me 'connect' more with him. I also suffered from a touch of Post Natal Depression so again, like some have said, maybe it isn't worth chancing even the slightest bit of disappointment. And yes I will ultimately be over the moon with whatever I have as long as it's healthy, I truly truly mean that.

PS It has taken me 4 years to pursuade DH to have another baby (it took him being nearly killed in a motorbike accident last yr to change his mind!!), anyway, what I am saying is, in those 4 years I kept saying to him, I want a girl, I want a girl, I would be crying sometimes in desperation, his argument would be, but what if it's another boy, I would say, but at least we'd have tried.

OP posts:

becklespeckle · 21/04/2007 12:56

I didn't find out with DS1 (although I 'knew' he was a boy) and it was lovely to have a surprise. With DS2, DH was desparate to know so we found out - it was lovely to know and really helped DS1 to know he was getting a brother! DC3 due in Dec - I will prob find out - DH will be disappointed if its another boy but he will have time to deal with that

Smalline · 21/04/2007 13:57

If I were in your situation I think I would find out the sex.

I found out each time, my husband only the first time, he didn't want to know the second time so I kept it a secret. I believe that this helped me to bond with my children quicker.

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