Haven't you had that baby yet!!!!!! - suitable replies pls!!!!

[Quackers]

Yep, it's me, 40 weeks on Tues! I have to face at least 2 or 3 people in the next few days who are going to say that very phrase so dear to all our expectant hearts!!!!!!!
Anyone got some classic one liners for the appropriate moment??????????

no fuck off (as a reply not you quakers)

What baby? OMG, did you think I was pregnant? I knew that diet wasn't working!

Wow, Quackers, I can't believe you're almost 40 weeks - best of luck for a pain-free delivery! No witty one-liners, I'm afraid.

"please don't say that, I'm likely to spontaneously combust"

i was 42 weeks - so sympathise!

"Does it look like I had it?" Poor you, good luck

Oh sh*t the head's poking out NOW - can you give me a hand?

nigh on 42 weeks both times, but strangely the 2nd time I quite liked it..

I like Hulababy's
I used to pat my tummy in a "is it still there?" kind of way and say "Errm....no"
Good luck Quackers!

"Yes, look - he's right here... OMG I've left my baby in the supermarket"

Just give a hard stare and (if you can) raise one eyebrow.

I've been asked the same question for about 3 weeks now, I am 41+2, and I still haven't come up with any witty replies. But I have to admit that Fio2's suggestion has been on the tip of my tongue on many an occasion.

Yes I have but I've been so enjoying your inane questions these past couple of months that I've decided to keep a jumper stuffed up there.

'I had it 4 months ago' and burst into tears. Sadly that was me for real when dd was 4 months old!

Why? Have you seen one?

or

I don't know, see if you can feel anything still in there?

or

It's an elephant - they take longer to hatch

or

it was still there last time I looked

actually I'm only 4 months gone (should give you 5 months breathing space)

Yes, but I'm retaining more water than the Aswan Dam!

Grab their hand and piss yourself (literally) - and say something like "Looks like its coming right now" - still holding their hand and squeezing as hard as you can.

Also say
'No, and when are you due?'

That will get them quiet and giving their DP's the 'does this outfit make me look fat' question.

Twinkie,

I was going to do something similar with my old boss. He was a bit nervous about me going into spontaneous labour in the lab (from about 5 months on). My plan was to stand in a puddle when he wasn't looking.

How about - I've read all the research and decided that babies born at term, or a week or two later, are generally healthier and more intelligent, so I've told him/her to hang on until she/he is ready? Not snappy, but true.

I would go with "er no... why do you ask?"

Thanks you lot!!! Some great ones there!!! Quite like the " No F* Off" approach!

BTW, don;t know why my message appeared 3 times!!! Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does it f-ing look like it?!!

Are you blind as well as stupid?

No have you had your labotomy yet?

Yes, ages ago, I'm just fat.

What baby????

huh, oh shit, i knew I'd forgotten something.

Funny you should say that, are you going anywhere near the hospital.

Or you could just go into mock labour and stagger off moaning.

or you could just say, very po-faced 'no'!!!!

Thomcat, You could write a book with those!

The one I dread seeing most is the woman in the bridal shop I have to go to with my sister for her wedding dress next week. She commented the first time I saw her that I must have 2 babies in there as I was so big!!!!! I've been gutted since and don't want to see her again!! Fortunately have a neat bump to stick under her snotty nose though this time!!!!

That's the stupidest question I've ever heard

i would just fix them with a steely gaze and ask -

Haven't your parents taught you any manners yet?