Too old at 40 to have one more?

[MrsHelenBee]

DH and have talked a lot about having one more recently. We have 2 DS's of 6 and 3 already.
I had always wanted three. I don't know if it's because I'm one of three or not. DS2 was a twin and we lost his sibling so I often look at him and wonder who else would have joined our family the day he was born, and what they would have looked like.
A third can't replace his twin, and I'm no stranger to miscarriage either. Two is enough but I just feel so strongly that I'd like one more to complete our family.
The down-side is that DH and I met quite late on. He's in his forties and I turned 40 this year. Is it foolish to be thinking about one more at my age?
Just hoping to hear from mums my age about how the experience was at 40 or thereabouts, whether they have regrets, or found it harder.

I think of this a lot. I’m 37. I have 2 DC.

I had problematic pregnancies.

What’s stopping me really is my dad died suddenly at the age of 46.

I want to be around for my kids I need to focus on the kids I have and my health.

I'm 22 with my first and so far had an awful pregnancy. I wouldn't want to feel like this now nevermind in my 40s.
It's not for me at all and i wouldn't want to have such a young child then.
Why is it so important though? If you feel able and willing to have a child whatever age why should anyone's opinions matter?
Do what feels right for you as each and every person and their circumstances are different.
As for the whole 'being more prepared in life at 40' thing. I've met a wide variety of mums. Some older which don't cope and some teenagers that are amazing mothers and provide to their very best ability.
I Have my struggles but I make it work and my child will be very much loved and looked after.
OP just do what you feel is right don't get drawn in to opinions.

My friends who had children when they were young and penniless (including me) look far older now than the ones who had them when they were richer and 40 plus. I suspect because the older ones were more relaxed, could pay for high quality childcare, regular holidays, grooming and had fewer money problems. Their kids keep them young. I’ve got teenagers and look every bit my age!

I agree that it is keeping me young. I am a foster carer and adopted youngest foster child a year ago. I am 53 in a couple of weeks and he is 3 . I have never not had young children and kids of all ages around me since getting married 30 yrs ago.
It is true that i am always assumed to be his gran (even though people regularly tell me i look younger than i am though i wouldnt agree tbh ) but i honestly dont find it any different to having my first birth child at 25. I get little sleep a lot of the time but it doesnt really slow me down. I think it is harder to start again if you have had a break and got used to not having little ones reliant on you 24 hrs a day but really 40 is nothing and if you want another one go for it. All the best whatever you decide to do .

I am 41 and 20 weeks pregnant. I have a 5 yo DS and had six mc since ttc #2 in 2014. The pregnancy has been ok physically but fraught with worry.

I think it depends on what your lifestyle is like and how you might cope with further losses. I work ft and feel like I haven’t been able to give my all to either my job or my DS and that has been the hardest thing of all. If you do try again would you set a time limit? Would further losses make the compulsion to have another child more acute and would you find it harder to give up if it doesn’t work?

I’m really sorry for the loss of your son’s twin and your other pregnancy losses. I wish you happiness.

Ms so sorry about your Mmc must be awful

I am very sorry for your loss.

I think it is a tough call and really depends on how much you feel you would like another child.

I am 40 and (tentatively, early days) pregnant but I have no dc so for me the choice to try was simpler. If it was to have a third, I am not sure. To be honest probably would!

The irony about these threads for me is that it was physical disabilities that stopped me having a child younger! They have not fully resolved but in my mid twenties I was temporarily wheelchair bound with severe arthritis. I could not even walk a step, or lift my arms, and people in their seventies let alone forties were taking care of me! So I tend to feel that those who focus on the normal ageing in your forties and fifties as an issue are those lucky enough to not have faced truly prohibitive physical restrictions.

I also think some of those horrified by older mothers are very focused on recent times. For pretty much all of human history family planning was not a thing. Women in my tree certainly indicate that. They did not delay childbirth, but nor did they stop it. Most of them had children from the time they married until early to mid forties. It is a natural range. Many of them had between 10 and 18 kids mind you! I have quite literally hundreds of close and distant relatives alive now who would not exist if childbirth post 40 hadn't happened!