Too old at 40 to have one more?

[MrsHelenBee]

DH and have talked a lot about having one more recently. We have 2 DS's of 6 and 3 already.
I had always wanted three. I don't know if it's because I'm one of three or not. DS2 was a twin and we lost his sibling so I often look at him and wonder who else would have joined our family the day he was born, and what they would have looked like.
A third can't replace his twin, and I'm no stranger to miscarriage either. Two is enough but I just feel so strongly that I'd like one more to complete our family.
The down-side is that DH and I met quite late on. He's in his forties and I turned 40 this year. Is it foolish to be thinking about one more at my age?
Just hoping to hear from mums my age about how the experience was at 40 or thereabouts, whether they have regrets, or found it harder.

I'll smile for you if you have twins now. Please go for it op. X

I had second DC at age 40. Very straightforward pregnancy and birth and actually much easier than first pregnancy. Second baby at 40 through circumstances not choice. Where we live most people had kids in twenties and I am 15 years older than some of the other parents of the kids in DC 2s year! I would have loved to have been a younger parent but I never had the opportunity at the time. Having a baby at 40 also aged me terribly. I went from looking like any other 40 year old to looking literally 15 years older than my age. I am frequently mistaken for grandmother of DC2. I love both my DC but my advice for what it’s worth would be to have all the children you want to have way before age 40 if you possibly can

Sorry mean that in a general sense, realise that OP is already 40. Go for it OP if you don’t mind looking and feeling like an old granny!

Coward i look rough as. Ive given up the hope of ever looking nice. I am haggard. I hate every long sleepless night. Every day a bit more of me dies.

I'd love a third in an ideal world (I'm 40, DC are 13 and 9).

But the realities of being in my 50s with school-age children, the increased chance of disabilities (DS has autism, don't think I could cope with having another child with additional needs), the hit my career would take (again!), the financial responsibilities going in to our 50s and 60s...oh, and the possibility of sleep deprivation? It was a 'no' from me.

I can understand why people do it, and of course once a baby arrives he or she is a lovely little person that you wouldn't be without, but I'm unable to romanticise raising children. Its bloody tough.

I agree. The romantic view of 'pulling together' and having that last baby despite potential difficulties clouds a quite hellish (at times- if we are honest) reality

If I was 40 again I wouldn't. Youngest DC is at Uni and Im 49. Apart from the toll on your body I really would not want to be menopausal with sml children thrown into the mix. Have a look over on the menopause board and have a think about how you'd cope (obviously not all women suffer but it can be very unpleasant).

I had one at 40. Never once regretted it. Was a dab hand at having babies by then and totally relaxed about doing it my way.
The only bad bit was the actual birth and all the additional protocols I was put under for being an 'elderly gravida'

And I don't look or feel like an old granny!
Having lots and lots of fun now he's a bit older. Feel like I'm having my second youth

I had dd4 at 40 - all was fine... go for it!

I wouldn't after 35 but then I'm going to get tubes tied after 2 and at age 28 and DP get the snip too. I struggle to run around after the kids now don't know how older mums do it

You guys must be superheroes

I had DC4 at 41, conceived at first attempt. He was DH's idea more than mine, but honestly, he is an absolute joy. He is doted on by older siblings and brings so much love to our family. I can see exactly what a great dad DS1, twelve years older, will be one day. And having a little baby around gave my girls an insight into the work involved and will, hopefully, ensure they don't rush into starting families too young.

Mostly he is just amazing in his own right though; very bright, very sporty and very funny; he has needed to keep up with the older ones.

Oh and no one has ever thought I was his granny though triathlete DH was once mistaken for his grandad.

Well I'm having one at 39 so no way is 40 too old for a third 🤣 I have much more energy, more money and more sense than when I was younger. Having a child is difficult at any age due to so many factors and we're all very different, women have been doing this at all ages for millennia, go for it 👍

I don't think having a baby at 40 is the problem, But having a very energetic toddler at 43 might be !

I say if you can physically get pregnant without any intervention then your not too old! Go for it, 40 is young anyway
Good luck

Go for it and good luck x

I'm 50. DC4 is 11. It's lovely. Everyone dotes on him. Older DDs say "Babies are lovely but hard work" as they remember when he was tiny, which they loved.

We are planning for retirement as well as DC4's possible higher education. Not a problem just needs planning.

We get time to ourselves as DC4 happy to hang out with older sibs if we want to go out and they don't want to come. Mostly we just like being together and enjoy being a family.

There's no right way to do it. But the standard approach is 2 DC close together to get it over with/get your body back/life back whatever, so people do feel they can comment so prepare yourselves...

The romantic view of 'pulling together' and having that last baby despite potential difficulties clouds a quite hellish (at times- if we are honest) reality

Value it sounds like you have had a really rough time of it. However I’m not sure the ‘hellish reality’ you speak of is everyone’s experience

My mum had me at 36 and DB at 40 if you want another go for it your not too old. You’ll still be under retirement age when they’re adults. My uncle was 60 when his youngest was born

When you say your do is in forties... how old is he.

I come at it from a different perspective. I was the child of older parents. At 36, I have two children but lost both my parents when I was in my 20s after a very stressful few years. One died age related (dementia), the other related but not directly.

I am 43 with an energetic 3 year old. It's not a problem, it all depends how fit and healthy you are I think. Though I do now have a nice grey streak in my hair! Go for it if you want to OP.

Go for it!!!

A client of mine came into the office with her 6 week old. I didn’t speak to her that often and forgot she was pregnant, let alone had given birth.

She looked incredible, she was 42, she too was her third and said she was her easiest pregnancy/birth.
She was just so relaxed and asked if I could hold her whilst she had a meeting. So there I was, sat at my desk cuddling the most beautiful little girl and I was just in awe of her Mum. I was 28 when I had my first and I looked like shite in comparison!!!
Good luck x

Like wishing I am the only child of an older DM (my father was younger but they separated when I was 1 and she brought me up by herself). She turned 39 when I was a month old, in the mid-1980s. She’s told me that she fell pregnant easily, and had a straightforward pregnancy and birth.

I do sometimes worry about her though, but more because I’m on only child and I’m the only family she has. She’s 71 now and although she’s generally fit and well, she lives alone 2 hours away from me. My friend, who is the same age as me (32), has a grandma who is the same age as my DM.

So, sorry for your loss x. I am expecting dc3 at the age of 43 (will be nearly 44). Not entirely planned as I was told I was highly unlikely to have any more children. I have two dc's - 11 and just turned 4 and am almost 22 weeks pregnant. My dh is older than me and things are probably not how I envisaged. However, I don't think I look my age ( have been mistaken for being 5 years or so younger). I have had a late loss at 20 weeks (just over 2 years ago) and really thought that that would be my last chance of a pregnancy. If this baby is born safely, they really will be a miracle and I am prepared to put up with all the sleepless nights etc. (have to say my dh is fantastically supportive, although we have no extended family). Due to my loss, I have been quite stressed in this pregnancy so far but the consultants etc. have been fab in providing care for me. Yes, things are out of sync - dh is approaching retirement and we are going to have to change things a little so dh gets to enjoy some of it but I have every confidence that health permitting we can make it work. Incidentally, although dh is older he works hard at maintaining his health - diet and exercise; I have seen men in their 30's look in far less good physical shape, dh is also often mistaken for being younger. I intend to remain as young thinking and active as possible and having children later in life is giving me impetuous to do so. I believe I am also far more patient now and we do not have any money worries. I am looking forward to completing my family shortly, if I am fortunate to do so. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.