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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Hen do at 32 weeks?!

23 replies

Avocadosmoothie · 30/10/2017 16:44

Hi,

My best friend is getting married next year and has asked me to be her bridesmaid :)

For her hen do, she would like 3 nights in Porto. She wants it to be a relaxing break with some nice restaurants, a little bit of sightseeing and Port tasting! She's not after a wild drinking weekend.

If everything goes to plan, I'll be 32 weeks pregnant on the weekend she is suggesting (she doesn't know I'm pregnant yet). Would it be ridiculous to go whilst pregnant? So far I'm the only one invited who would be pregnant but I suspect there may be one other (earlier along than me) by the time we go.

What would be the main things that would put you off?

Thanks!

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NamesNamesAndMoreNames · 30/10/2017 16:51

I personally would not go. I am just past that point. I am exhausted. I am large and cumbersome. I have no nice clothes and feel very pregnant. I have just been on holiday with my DH and DS. We hardly did anything really but still I was exhausted. I'm not in the mood to eat out or wander round shops/towns as I'm just so uncomfortable.

So for me, it'd be a no. But I am sure some people would manage it well, so I think it depends on the luck of the draw with how you find pregnancy!

I've a hen do in London in 2 weeks time, I'd be 35 weeks and I've been told by my consultant not to go as I had a few complications from 34 weeks in my last pregnancy and these issues were worse because at the time I was not at home so was seen in a different hospital - still in the UK though.

MrsJW15 · 30/10/2017 16:54

You'd have to check whether you'd still be able to fly at that point. You'd definitely be cutting it fine and would need a fit to fly letter. But, otherwise, no real reason that you couldn't go. You should assume that you'll be tired, but it doesn't sound overly tough.

Waitingonasmile · 30/10/2017 17:04

I would go and I say that as someone who hates being pregnant. The only problem is you have no idea if you'll have any complications, but if you don't mind having to possibly cancel last minute I would go.

MadeForThis · 30/10/2017 17:04

I'm 32 weeks. Could probably manage the travel but get very tired by evening time. Would depend on how the pregnancy was going. And what would be expected of me. If it was non stop activities and partying I wouldn't be interested. If it was chilling by the pool, meals out and no offence taken if I wanted an early night then it would be fine.

Check if you can fly though as you would probably need a doctors note.

Oysterbabe · 30/10/2017 17:56

I would have been ok in my to go then in my first pregnancy. This time I feel truly awful. I'm 33 weeks and if I didn't have a toddler and a job I'd never leave the sofa.
It's hard to say because all pregnancies are different.

PinkHippo1 · 30/10/2017 18:07

I am 38 weeks pregnant now and at 32 weeks I would have felt fine to go tiredness and size wise. I've stayed pretty fit the whole pregnancy so I would have managed the travel. HOWEVER, I really don't think I would have wanted to go abroad at that time in case anything happened early. Also, I have had issues with a low lying placenta, which although has moved out of the way enough to be a grade 1, I doubt I would have been given a fit to fly letter. Personally, I think it's ambitious to think you could go.

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 30/10/2017 18:07

I'm 32 weeks and I feel absolutely exhausted at this point. I probably wouldn't go based on how I feel now but it's up to you. Once your friend knows your pregnant I'm sure she would understand if you didn't go

leighdinglady · 30/10/2017 19:03

I’m 33 weeks here and shattered and grumpy in the evenings. I’d probably go, but just do the nice relaxing things in the day and leave them to it at night. Even going out for dinner, like I did this weekend wiped me out

mindutopia · 30/10/2017 19:14

I think that would be absolutely fine assuming it wouldn't (as you said) be a massive clubbing sort of weekend where you'll be inhaling loads of secondhand smoke, etc. Travel, being away from home, quiet dinners out and some drinks (when you can just have a soda water or something) would be fine, I think. If she wants to do anything especially energetic (zip lining, horse back riding, etc.) you may just need to bow out for the afternoon and meet up with them later. The only other condition is that you have another person going who you could hand the organisation over to IF you couldn't go, due to health reasons, threatened premature labour, bed rest, any number of things. If this is your first, it's likely you won't get another weekend like this for a long time and for a quiet girls weekend, I wouldn't be put off. The only thing that would would be if it was going to be over the top, clubbing, lots of drinking, really late nights, etc. But really even if it is a late night or they decide to go to a club, you can just bow out and say you need an early night. I think anyone who isn't fine with that in that situation isn't a good friend.

badg3r · 30/10/2017 19:39

I would go without batting an eyelid. I had two straightforward pregnancies. First one I moved house at 28 weeks largely by myself. I was still taking planes till 36 weeks in my second pregnancy and it was really fine. Just be aware of your limits, check your medical insurance and make sure you put yourself first if you are tired/sore etc.

letsmargaritatime · 30/10/2017 19:46

It defends completely on how you “do” pregnancy. I planned to carry on as normal and even used that hideously cringey phrase it’s not an illness However ill is exactly how I felt, with all four. Nauseous, tired, constant aches and pains everywhere, swollen joints by third trimester, constantly itchy and spd which was worse with each one, I was on crutches with no. 4. So I would say don’t commit until you know how you’ll feel. Some women love being pregnant and feel great, you may be lucky enough to be one of those!

DaisyLand · 30/10/2017 19:48

If you’re flying with EasyJet it’s 35w the latest you can fly. Not sure other airlines.
Im thinking about going away for my bday next year , I’ll be 30w on my bday. It’d be a weekend in Amsterdam but we’ve both been so as relaxed as I fancied. It’s little bit different to yours as it’s not a hen party but Nobody but you knows your body , you could just push yourself to the maximum and if tired just have a break from the Party , I’d get an insurance in case you need to cancel it for medical reasons or If something happens while away(I’ve got Colombus and covers any cancellations for medical reasons and every emergency hospital visits )

Sakura03 · 30/10/2017 22:24

It’s really hard to say, I went on a beach holiday to Turkey for two weeks when I was 26-28 weeks and felt absolutely fine (MW happy to sign fit to fly letter). Then at 31 weeks I had to go into hospital for reduced movements and had a CTG and a scan, everything was fine but none of the consultants would sign a fit to fly letter for a long weekend to visit my family in Denmark which had been planned for ages. I was so disappointed but it’s just one of those things you never know, so you might be able to go but keep in mind that things can happen on the way that’s out of your control.

Sakura03 · 30/10/2017 22:26

Should have checked before posting... meant to say things can happen along the way that’s out of your control.

Hannabee123 · 30/10/2017 22:33

It's up to you personally. I went to a local wedding and I was exhausted and had enough only an hour in to the event! Just feeling massive slow and uncomfortable can be tiring and depressing.
Go if you want to but maybe not commit until you've had some scans and make sure everything's going as it should.
If your put off maybe arrange something to do locally like a spa day

annlee3817 · 31/10/2017 06:32

If she's your best friend can you not tell her you're pregnant and see if she would be willing to have her hen at an earlier date? Totally different, but My DH had his stag about four months early to accommodate his friends who were due their babies six weeks before our wedding. My best friend let me choose the date for hers due to me being pregnant, I did hers at 36 weeks and I was swollen and knackered. If you don't want to tell her yet maybe say you can't get time off for the date she wants and see if she will do an earlier date?

eeanne · 31/10/2017 06:38

Obvioiusly it depends on how you feel, but you should ensure:

airline will allow you to fly
your medical team will declare you fit to fly
your travel insurance will cover pregnancy-related complications (or you're willing to pay out of pocket)

If the three above aren't met then don't go.

Original poster

Avocadosmoothie · 07/11/2017 13:04

Thanks everyone!

There would be no pressure from the bride at all, it's just she's my best friend and she was my bmaid and planned my hen so I want to make the effort for her.

It looks like we'd be flying with Ryanair and they would need a fit to fly letter, their policy is 28 weeks.

I'd be fine with booking and having to cancel last minute if I had any complications but overall I'm unsure what to do which I think points towards don't go. This is my first baby and I'm the first one on the hen to be pregnant so it's completely I chartered waters for me!

OP posts:

CL1982 · 08/11/2017 22:48

I don't think they'll let you fly that late chick?!?! Are you planning on flying out there?

CupanTaeAnois · 08/11/2017 22:55

Make sure your travel insurance covers pregnancy complications if you decide to go. I did fly at that stage and was fine.

Rosehyd2 · 09/11/2017 07:34

Would you feel comfortable telling her your news early and seeing if she'll bring it forward a few weeks? 29 weeks it all changed for me - the pains began, sleepless nights, exhaustion in the day etc.

Original poster

Avocadosmoothie · 10/11/2017 06:53

Unfortunately there isn't any flexibility in dates... she lives in Singapore and is planning to have the hen at the start of the moth she is spending in the UK for the wedding. I could tell her but I would feel bad if she suggests a UK hen do instead of abroad.

OP posts:

Lilacpenny1 · 10/11/2017 14:21

If it was me and this was my best friend I would tell her I was pregnant and discuss through options with her (rather than worrying about how she might react when you actually can't predict that). She may be appalled at the idea of you having to slog to a hen do abroad heavily pregnant on her behalf! In fact, if it was me being the bride, and my best friend told me she would be just a few weeks away from giving birth, I absolutely wouldn't have the hen do abroad, as my best friend's wellbeing would be my priority over location. The most important thing to me would be to have my best mate at my hen do but one that she will enjoy rather than endure. I had my hen do in London where all my friends live as didn't want to put the expense and stress on everyone going abroad. It was really relaxed and we were all back in our own beds at the end of the night! P.S. I'm also pregnant with my first and at 23 weeks currently so can't comment on what it feels like to be heavily pregnant but in the past few days I've started to find even walking a short distance my womb feels heavier and I'm aware of the weight and it feels tiring. God knows how I'll feel in ten weeks time! If she is your best friend you should be able to talk to her about it with no judgement or worries X

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