What if I can't do the NCT classes?

[FrostyPopThePenguinLord]

First baby due in early March, I'm having a C section and we were thinking the other day that we have absolutely no idea how to actually keep a child alive.
We know we feed it and change it etc, but how often, how much, when are things supposed to happen, we are having a bit of a flap because all the baby books are alarmingly vague and don't want to commit to specific instructions as such.
So I looked up NCT classes in our area, the only one available in the time we have left is a 19 hour course. 2 thirds of which focuses on labour and delivey. We thought fine, lets do that and just zone out the stuff that doesn't apply to our case, no problem.....then my husband saw how much it costs....he said hell no. Not paying that much to sit there and the majority of the stuff not be relevant.
I see where he is coming from and I do agree....however I have much younger siblings and helped with their care slightly so I at least can change a nappy and hold a baby properly etc.....he is an only child and has never even held a baby in his life. I'm worried that we won't cope without some instruction.
We are not poor by any means but he is incredibly careful with money and we are also saving up for a house deposit, so he refuses to spend that much on a third of a course. I can't blame him, I'm on sick pay due to hyperemis so money is a bit tighter than usual, plus Christmas and many birthdays coming up for our huge families. Plus lots of baby stuff still to buy, although we are being thrifty with that as far as possible.
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I can't find any free courses in the area, we are not entitled to any benefits and to be honest I'm probably looking in the wrong place. I'm planning to ask my midwife for more info at my 25 week chec, but I know courses can fill up fast. We are not adverse to paying at all, but just not that much for so much time that won't be useful to us.
We just want a crash course in child care. I'm as well versed as I can be about C sections and childbirth without actually having had one yet so the birth part isn't our priority. She might also be born a bit early due to potential placenta issues so we are aware time could be a factor.

Does anyone know of any types of class in the Somerset/Dorset area that are not NCT or heavily childbirth based. As I said I'll ask my midwife but it's just one less thing to worry about.

Imo the only benefit to nct is the making friends. Do you have a local Facebook page where you could make a group for expectant parents in your area... make your own support circle?

Babies mostly need 4 basics:
Food, warmth, to be cleaned and cuddling.
Crying suggests it wants one of the four ( or something else!) so a quick check of each and you are probably sorted.
This continuous rota can get a bit boring so you need to find friends who are doing similar so NHS/Surestart/NCT groups are good places to start.

Try the book "what to expect the first year' amzn.eu/1hmWDMM I found it invaluable as you could dip in to the chapters you need which are laid out with common milestones for every month, what you might expect at the doctor etc. At the end of the book is a very helpful section on common childhood illnesses laid out in chart form.

I did NCT and am still friends with most of them 7 years on so it was worth it in that respect but to be honest they're sooooo focused on natural childbirth and breastfeeding that it might be a bit of a waste if you've got alternate plans(our breastfeeding instructor was an absolute joke and is famous around these parts for being very self-important and as useless as a fart in the wind but hopefully yours will be better). The nappy changing and bathing bits were good but you could get those from YouTube. You might also find mums groups after your baby arrives so they might be options to find a nice network of other new mums.

The nhs did some postnatal courses which were vaguely useful. The midwives wanted us to bath our first baby in the hospital so scary we didn't do it again for another month see us change a nappy using half a reservoir and enough cotton wool to set up a Father Christmas Grotto and see the baby latch on, which kind of covers the basics. The midwife visits you afterwards for a few weeks and then the health visitors decend. Then of course there is MN to tell you why there are poppers on the shoulders of baby vests and to reassure you that no harm will come to your child if they live in baby grows until they are a year old. You will be fine in about 20yrs when they have left home.

I found NCT classes invaluable- mainly because of the friends we made. I loved and still love having a group of friends who's babies are always a similar age and going through similar things. Our NCT covered a lot of once the baby arrives type stuff. About quarter of our NCT group knew they were having c sections and they still found it useful. If you tell them you are having a c section when you are there (like people did in our group) they should give you some specific info. They covered useful stuff like recovery and breastfeeding positions that are more comfortable when you've just had a c section.
But yes they are unreasonably expensive.
We did the NHS ones too and no one even chatted at those sessions. It just covered birth and pain relief etc.

I had a c section and done NHS and NCT classes. Both were fab! They covered c sections in my NCT class. The NHS ones aren’t advertised online, you get the info from your midwife. Also if there are any other classes on offer in your area your midwife will probably know about them so best to ask her.

I'm in Somerset and I did NHS antenatal classes (ask your midwife) which mostly focused on the birth. I quite enjoyed the social aspect though and I am still in touch with one of the other mums (my ds1 and her dd are now 11). I learnt everything I needed to know from books and internet forums.

What about the NCT Bumps & Babies groups? They are often free or not too much, you can go when you're pregnant and then with your new baby.

We did the NHS one, it was pretty good. Midwives also made sure we knew how to feed, change and bathe the baby before we left hospital. We also left with an absolute ton of leaflets - common health problems, basic care, safe formula feeding advice, etc. And we had loads of local breastfeeding cafes and children’s centres, and the health visitors and midwives kept calling round in the first two weeks... honestly they make sure you know what you’re doing before they let you loose.

It’s not as complicated as you imagine it will be, newborns are pretty straightforward. 95% of the time they want food (even if you’ve just fed them), 4% they just want a cuddle, if you try those things first you won’t go far wrong.

We paid for NCT classes but also went to the free NHS ones a couple of months ago. I can honestly say the NHS ones were much more informative and were a lot shorter. But most of the focus on both was about the birth not baby care. I would recommend buying a book for the nitty gritty baby care advice. The 'first time parent' one is good.

We paid a private midwife to give us a two hour lesson. It was lovely and just perfect we Asked a thousand questions, really silly ones. She was wonderful.

I was having a ELCS so much of the course type stuff I didn't want to attend.

I found the book First Time Parent by Lucy Atkins very helpful pre my first- it is structured by theme, e.g. eating, sleeping etc. It has photo diagrams and check lists of what you need which I remember finding very helpful when we tackled the first bath in particular.

For the friendship side, are there any nct bumps and babes classes and can you get along to them pretty baby birth? If not, what about pregnancy yoga? It's definitely worth trying to meet other mums before the baby is born as the first couple of months can be very isolating otherwise. Can you find out what the local NHS birth classes are like as an alternative to NCT from anyone - mine were rubbish but it sounds from people above like some areas they are good.

^^ Closetlibrarian says all that needs to be said, I think.

I wasn't able to do any classes due to severe hg throughout my pregnancies (literally the whole nine months both times) . Somehow, despite that, my dcs have both made it to adulthood.

What are you on about? How do you think anyone managed in the centuries before NCT came along?
Also the NHS of course provide courses on the essentials, through your clinic.

Most people ask their family the rest...
Your mother/MIL? SIL? Cousins? Friends? Colleagues? Honestly you must have people around to give early parenting advice?

And for what it's worth, I think your man sounds spot on! If he's this rational now you'll both be absolutely fine with a tiny baby by the sounds of it. Enjoy them

I never went to any. Frankly, with work I didn’t have the time.

I read lots of books but in the end instinct just took over.

Babies have an in built alarm system for letting you know when they are unhappy .

It takes no time at all to differentiate between a “hungry” cry, a “sleepy” cry and I’m “about to do a big poo” cry”.

Honestly you’ll figure it out as best you can and keep winging it as a parent for the rest of your life.

I know we will be fine and that people have managed for thousands of years before classes were invented. I think it just hit us recently that we have no idea what to do once we had the baby, it's been a difficult time getting this far, so everything has been focused on getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having a safe birth.
I don't think we really had time to think of actually how to care for one until now.
We are quite independent from our families (although we love them very much), especially my husband, he finds it hard asking anyone for help, so taking a quick class is his idea of heaven, he gets in, learns, and gets out. He hates faffing about and wasting time (and money). I'm just sat quietly in a corner, melting down about how the hell im going to manage, I'm not very good at being pregnant.
I worry about him not having the patience for a baby, yes they have basic needs to be fulfilled, but sometimes they do just cry and you don't know why, I don't think he is going to manage that well. He is the sort of person who needs to know that is normal from a 'professional' of some kind.....I don't count as one sadly 😂
We want to do a class of some sort just to reassure us, if it's bollocks and we don't learn anything that's fine, he just doesn't want to spend a fortune to find that out when I can ask somewhere like MN for free and get advice from women and men who have done it.
All your advice is great and very reassuring, we are honestly are not as flaky as we sound, just aware of our weaknesses and not wanting to make mistakes. Its been difficult getting here.

Out of interest, how far along were those of you who did the NHS course?

My midwife mentioned it at my booking in appointment, and DH and I told her at the time that we wanted that over an NCT course, but I've completely forgotten whether she said we need to call someone to book on to it or whether she will do it for us. I'm not sure till beginning of March but don't want to miss my place because I forgot to book on.

Not due*

You don’t sound flaky, OP.

Your DH does sound a bit controlling, though. Basically, the main reason you can’t do NCT is because he won’t pay for it, and you feel beholden to him because you haven’t been able to earn as much as usual during pregnancy.

I think a support network is going to be really helpful to you when your baby arrives - NCT might well be the answer.

Enjoy your baby

NHS were quite late - 30/32 weeks I think.

In my experience the clinic just automatically book you into one. Our clinic did one on labour and one breastfeeding, but of course you can ask away everything else while you're there.
I'm really surprised your MW hasn't explained this and booked you on by now. Might be worth ringing on Monday to check she hasn't forgotten?
Great that your OH wants to do a class of some sort. Mine just reminded me that 'no need for me to go. You can just tell me what they said when you get home...' 🙄🤣

My first was premature and both NHS and NCT are really late into the pregnancy so missed them. Midwives showed me how to do nappy etc and then was just winging it. Still am really 3 years later! Babies are hard work but quite simple in terms of basics - will cry and shove hands in mouth when hungry, and need nappy stuff and somewhere to sleep that's it!

NHS was waaay more useful than NCT here.

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if someone has already suggested this! I think a lot of people see the NCT classes as about buying friends rather than learning about babycare - I have heard that it depends on your teacher as to how much you learn. But maybe instead put the money to a baby first aid course? There are different providers and that would be really useful. I think most other stuff you can get from a book / learn from speaking to friends or relatives / is common sense. Plus as others have said there are the NHS classes. Our hospital runs NHS classes for free (we’re in london). Ps congratulations - I’m also due early March.

Also join the group for your due month on here. Mine has moved to Facebook now but fabulous friends made and our children all at similar stages.