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Original poster

Can't cope

22 replies

LanaBanana07 · 23/10/2017 13:11

Hi all,

I’m 5 weeks at the moment and finding it hard to cope.

My partner of 4 years doesn’t want to keep the baby, but I don’t think it’s the right decision to abort the baby. Ive told him my concerns and why I don’t feel it’s right to have an abortion, but he won’t listen! I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about how I’m feeling as I don’t want to paint my partner in a bad light.

I told him I need 2 weeks to make my decision on this, but he went behind my back and made an appointment for an abortion on 1st November. This caused a massive arguement and his response was ‘we’ll you’re getting rid of it, end of conversation’

I’m really struggling and all I seem to do is cry. Please, any advise will be appreciated xxx

OP posts:
BexleyRae · 23/10/2017 13:16

I didn't want to read and run. Please remember no one can force you to have an abortion, if you don't have anyone in real life to talk to, how about speaking to your gp?
If he's refusing to discuss with you, then he's putting himself in a bad light, so you might as well speak to family and friends to get support as he is not acting like someone who wants to support his partner.

PJsAndProsecco · 23/10/2017 13:21

Oh Lana you poor thing. This is horrible. He has NO right whatsoever to manipulate you into an abortion!! I can't believe he's booked an appointment behind your back! He sounds controlling and nasty. This is YOUR baby, as much as it is his. Do you have a good support network? I'd reach out to your family and good friends right now and be honest about what's going on. You need real life support, for sure. And painting him in a bad light is not of concern. He shouldn't be behaving the way he is, that's his problem, not yours! Sending hugs xx

xflipflopx · 23/10/2017 13:24

Wow What a charmer!
If he forces you to go through with the abortion you will never forgive him and your relationship is doomed anyway. If he can force you into this what else will he force you into.
My advice is to take him out of the equation and think for yourself what do you want?
Only then will the pieces fall into place and you will know what to do as it’s on your terms.
Either way... you keep the baby or you don’t please don’t keep him!
It takes two to tango...I love it how men then dictate over what happens next their not complaining in the bedroom are they!?!

Jeffers3 · 23/10/2017 13:24

How can he have booked an appointment behind your back?
You can't just book abortions, he may just be saying that to manipulate and scare you.

His behaviour is horrendous and right now you need all the support you can get so that you can make an informed decision. Do you have anyone you can tell in real life?

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 23/10/2017 13:25

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I'm a pretty easy-going, forgiving person but there is no way I could stay with someone who booked an abortion for me behind my back and tried to tell me that I had to go ahead with it. I don't think you should either.

On that basis, I think you need to think about whether you want this baby and about whether you could keep it without the support of your partner. I would be leaving him whichever way I decided.

PsychoPumpkin · 23/10/2017 13:26

Keep your baby, ditch your partner.

ImSoUnoriginal · 23/10/2017 13:26

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your partner may be nice in other ways but his actions here do make him seem controlling. It seems like he has made his feelings known. You may have to decide if you want to be with a man who acts like this. I understand he may be in shock but he has no right to do what he did. I'm outraged on your behalf.
Please, please speak to your friends and family. Good luck.

Libby84 · 23/10/2017 13:44

This is similar to how I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. I’d been with my other half almost a year and baby was unplanned and a complete shock.
At first I was the one panicking but I knew I wouldn’t want to abort. Within a couple of days he was talking abortion, wondering how we’d cope financially, whether our relationship was ready for a baby etc. It led to some awful arguments. I was distraught. But the fact is, although for some women abortion is what they feel is right, for me it wasn’t. I knew that I would always be questioning myself, asking what if? I don’t think I’d have gotten over it emotionally and I don’t think I’d have forgiven myself, worse I don’t think I’d have ever been able to forgive him and we both knew that would spell the beginning of the end, regardless of how strong the relationship had been. He was my best friend for a year before we were together.
In the end, I made the decision myself based on my needs, and I won’t lie, I felt selfish, and I felt as though I’d backed him into a corner and forced this baby on him.
Now, I’m 37 weeks, and BOTH of us are really excited about the immenient arrival of our little girl. Once I’d put my foot down and told him I was keeping the baby, acceptance started to set in, and over the next few weeks, he slowly became more and more excited. It helped having an early scan, we saw the heartbeat and I could see the registeration on his face that actually, there is something significant there.
If any part of you wants this baby, you’ll have to make that decision for yourself. Do t let him bully you. My partner was panicking and in shock and denial. But he’s been so supportive and is really excited to meet our daughter. It took time though before we could talk about it. Good luck, stay strong. Even if he left, you can do this!

JoJoSM2 · 23/10/2017 14:23

What a bully! Given that you’ve been together for such a long time, I’d be questioning if I want to stay with him or not.

And the decision about keeping the baby is yours - you need to do what feels right to you.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 23/10/2017 14:28

He can not force you to have an abortion and please don’t do it just for him. Your relationship is unlikely to survive either way so make a decision based on what you want.

poddige · 23/10/2017 15:09

Hi OP. he will be unable to book you an appointment. They should speak with you first. And will certainly speak with you ALONE when you are at the clinic/hospital to check you aren't being coerced.

Am 99% sure he will be unable to book you an appointment.

If he is showing this side of his character now, I would leave him. Whether you decide to keep the baby or not.

Best of luck.

cherryontopp · 23/10/2017 18:05

What a cunt!

Sorry but he is. I could maybe understand this behaviour after 4 month of dating but not 4 years.
How old are youse both? What's his reasons for wanting an abortion so strongly?
As PPs have said, no one can force you. Do what you want and if he doesn't like it, leave the bastard!

TheCatsMother99 · 23/10/2017 20:23

I'm right there with you, Cherryontopp!

OP, if I were you, I'd think about whether I want to be a single mum because there is a very high chance you will be with his shitty attitude and, frankly, I wouldn't be with him whatever I chose, regardless.

Whatever you do, don't let his bullying and manipulative ways away you from whatever you decide.

ChocolatePancake · 23/10/2017 21:53

I'd tell him to bugger off. It isn't his body, it isn't his decision.

lollipop7 · 23/10/2017 22:15

Do what you want.

He sounds absolutely awful.

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 23/10/2017 22:23

You really need to talk to someone about this you can't keep this to yourself. Call up your midwife. He sounds awful, sorry but he can't force you to have an abortion nobody can. It's your decision, you want too keep the baby you keep it.

Brenna24 · 23/10/2017 23:35

Firstly, congratulations. Secondly, I am so sorry you are going through this. How unfair to try and rail road you like that. Every clinic is supposed to speak to you on your own to ensure you are not being coerced, so even if he could force you to go there, he can't make you go through with it. I would prepare to be a single mum though. Hopefully he will come round, but if you are prepared for the worst, that will be a nice surprise. Hugs.

Original poster
LanaBanana07 · 24/10/2017 01:23

Thank you for everyone’s advice. I confided in my best friend this evening over some biscuits and some tea. I have decided that I will move forward with my baby alone, and will always keep the door open if the father wants to be in its life or not.

I’m hoping I will be able to move forward and have less stress during my pregnancy. Thanks again! xx

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 24/10/2017 06:04

Goo luck with everything and stay strong Flowers

lollipop7 · 24/10/2017 09:01

Best of luck with everything

You can do it!

Brenna24 · 24/10/2017 09:15

Best of luck Flowers You will make a wonderful mother for this little one.

Libby84 · 24/10/2017 09:55

Well done for making that decision. Good luck. Your baby is so lucky to have a Mum who will put up a fight for them. You’ll do great.

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