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Original poster

should i borrow my SIL my womb??!

71 replies

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:21

longs story made short here...

SIL cant carry children but makes eggs, she had embryoes put in MIL and the IVF didnt work, theyve just had a 2nd go and it hasnt worked again

ive always said i would try for them, there is only 1 emby left in the freezer

my questions are

1- is there more chance of IVF working with me rather than MIL?

im 22 shes 40.

2- MIL has always wanted to do this for SIL and shes had 2 attempts now that havent worked

would it be insensitive of me to offer to try with the last emby now? because this is something she has always wanted to do for her daughter, would it seem like i was saying'your too old - let me do this' sort of thing?

this isnt something ive just decided, its been discussed openly for years

im asking if you think its the right time for me to seriously step up and say ' this is something i want to do and i will have that emby implanted if you want me to'

im very scared but if i have more of a chance than MIL, then i really think this is the better option than popping the very last emby into her!

but i dont want to offend her IYKWIM

what do you think???

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mamazon · 09/04/2007 11:24

wow you have such an interesting life Kitty.

i don't think i would offer. if they ask you then you should consider it very carefully but yes it would be the most amazing gift to give your Db and SIL...if it worked.

i have to ask though....how old is your SIL if her mum is only 40?

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:24

can i just add that ive always said i will go for baby number 2 for her, after MIL has given her number 1,

and thats whats making it hard - we didnt expect it not to work for MIL

thats why i feel awkward, - i dont want to take it away from MIL

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Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:26

hi,

its not a question of IF i should do it, im definatly going to if she wants me to,

but im asking if its innopropriate now??

should i just let MIL get on with it - or give the last embie the best chance by going for it?

SIL is 24,

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HumphreysYummyChoccyEggCorner · 09/04/2007 11:28

Kitty-tis a lovely thing you are offering to do. Perhaps consider it after your wedding?

xxx

Chandra · 09/04/2007 11:29

Kittilette, a thousand apologies but after the other thread about the twin of your husband, I'm not quite sure if you are really just trying to gauge reactions here...

NuttyMuffins · 09/04/2007 11:30

Didn't you want another baby of your own though aswell ?

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:31

go to search, ive posted about this many many times

go to ivillage, ive posted about it in the past there

this is something very serious going on in my life right now,

that joke post was posted under a joke name FFS, it obviously w

forget it

ill figure this out myself

OP posts:
ScoobyDooooo · 09/04/2007 11:32

Sorry but this is not a joke thread, i have seen kitty talking about that she would love to do this many times in the past.

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:32

dont alot of women want babies - it doesnt mean im planning on having one!!

i can have a baby whenever i want, anytime in the next 20 years my SIL cant

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nallydoolally · 09/04/2007 11:38

i think it is a lovely gift. i have offered the same to dh's brother. if you can do it and want to do it, and they want you to, then why not?

Oxygen · 09/04/2007 11:46

Chandra - Kitty has been posting about her MIL doing this for a while It isn't a joke.

Discuss it with them - it makes more sense to me for a younger woman to do it.

I have no SIL I would do it for (the one I do have worries me with the children she has ), but I would do it for my sister in a heartbeat

Chandra · 09/04/2007 13:15

Kitty, please receive my appologies

I think it's a great (and huge) gift that you are considering to do this for a memeber of your family. Answering your question, I find it reasonable to be scared (I would be) and... also think you stand a better chance for the IVF to work than your MIL.

lulumama · 09/04/2007 13:22

i thikn there are complicating factors:

you are broody yourself, and carrying a baby for someone else,even a relative,who you will see after the birth is, IMHO, a massive emotional step

you have 2 young children of your own, what will happen if you have to have bed rest or become unwell, you will feel even more beholden to SIL to keep her baby safe,and might find it hard to look after your own family?

you are getting married in ,what, 7 months, why not wait until after, being possibly heavily pregnant when you get married might not be the best thing....

if it does not work for you, then how will you feel? being younger is not the only factor...lots of young women lose babies....1 in 4 women miscarry when pregnant, don;t know if that increases with IVF and surrogacy..i would have thought it did

it is an emotional minefield, and not as simple as , shall i shan;t i?

it is an amazing thing to want to do,but the ramifications are pretty huge

the impact of you not only being pregnant, but pregnant with someone elses baby, and then giving birth and handing that baby over are things i don;t think you can really get your head around now

i certainly couldn't

admirable to want to do it, but you need to really think this through

what does your DP think?

colditz · 09/04/2007 13:23

Kitty

If something happened in the labour, and you could have no more children, would you ever forgive your sil for taking your last baby? I know I wouldn't.

GreenandBlackOtter · 09/04/2007 13:24

lend

Hopeitwontbebig · 09/04/2007 17:21

Wow, what an amazing thing you're offering to do. How close are you to MIL? Is it something you could discuss with her? I totally understand where you are coming from re not wanting to offend. Hypothetically, if MIL tried again and failed, how 'easy' would it be to have another attempt and fertilise some more embryos? In other words, have they made a commitment to MIL trying all 3 embryos? Maybe if it fails again, they would consider asking you. I think it is such a selfless act you are considering but at the same time you do need to think about yourself, you're getting married soon.,... look after yourself first and enjoy getting married, it should be the best day of your life and a day you'll cherish forever. It seems that you have put a lot of emotional pressure on yourself, look after you

You sound like a lovely person. x

BandofMothers · 09/04/2007 17:44

Kitty. I have thought about this before and think it's an amazing thing to do. Not sure if I COULD, or WOULD, as it's never come up.

Can your SIl do more egg harvesting?? I mean is this the last egg EVER, or in this batch???

If more can be fertilised for you to try with then why not let MIL, have one more go. If it's a matter of affording the IVF, then why don't you all sit down and discuss it, maybe with your SIL's fertility doc, and see what everyone, esp doc, thinks????

raspberryberet · 09/04/2007 17:53

Great post, lulumama.

It's a lovely thought but it sounds like this is not the best of times for you do be doing this - given your wedding and the fact that you're broody.

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:13

hi -

i just thought id point out that id obviously not do this until after the wedding, as much as i love my SIL im not walking down the aisle like a whale!

im sure she can wait a few more months

and yes im broody, but ive said it time again that im broody for pregnancy - not a baby. a baby is the last thing i want at the moment, odd i know, but thats how i feel

this isnt something im taking lightly, and i dont expect anyone to understand the processes i have been through mentally and the discussions i have had over the last 4 years with my SIL & MIL to get to the point where i know this is right and its something i can and want to do.

you see a very select part of my thoughts on this in these posts, its not even the tip of the iceberg of the issues that are apparant doing something like this, but if its an issue then believe me it will have been talked about between us.

I appreciate your concerns but this is something i will do if my SIL wants me to do, it just feels right, like its meant to be.

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Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:34

and i also had better add that my MIL hadnt started her period, she had txted DP saying she had spotting,

a drop of blood and nothing more since then (but him being a man announced to us all that her period had started) - i mean it still may start properly, but theres more hope than there was this morning iykwim

OP posts:
hatrick · 09/04/2007 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:38

no, she was told by the clinic to wait till friday to do a test

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mrsdarcy · 09/04/2007 19:39

NotanOtter

WideWebWitch · 09/04/2007 19:39

Am I the only one who finds this all a bit I dunno, um,

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:41

no, shes being a surrogate for her daughter,

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