should i borrow my SIL my womb??!

[KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg]

longs story made short here...

SIL cant carry children but makes eggs, she had embryoes put in MIL and the IVF didnt work, theyve just had a 2nd go and it hasnt worked again

ive always said i would try for them, there is only 1 emby left in the freezer

my questions are

1- is there more chance of IVF working with me rather than MIL?

im 22 shes 40.

2- MIL has always wanted to do this for SIL and shes had 2 attempts now that havent worked

would it be insensitive of me to offer to try with the last emby now? because this is something she has always wanted to do for her daughter, would it seem like i was saying'your too old - let me do this' sort of thing?

this isnt something ive just decided, its been discussed openly for years

im asking if you think its the right time for me to seriously step up and say ' this is something i want to do and i will have that emby implanted if you want me to'

im very scared but if i have more of a chance than MIL, then i really think this is the better option than popping the very last emby into her!

but i dont want to offend her IYKWIM

what do you think???

maybe you should just offer again .....no reason why just say 'my offer is still open'

just wanted to say that the poster who said there may be a greater chance of miscarraige with ivf pregnancy is wrong - i was told with my 2 successful ivf prg that as soon as i was pg it was the same as a pg concieved in the usual way.
re a pg test i did about 7 before the official hospital blood and they were all positive [no patience] - i have no idea if i was wrong to do this, but it certainly gave me hope after the spotting i had.
i wish you well in whatever you decide - i'd do surrogacy for any friend or family [i can't make eggs without help or implant embryos wo help - but 2 attempts and 3 dc means ivf works for me] i think my infertility experience makes me feel all the more willing.
also i saw in the news that clinics are only going to implant one embryo now so one left means one more go doesn't it?
hope it works out

Carmenere, I did not mean to imply that YOU were cliquey, my post was directed at MN as a whole, regarding the thread the other day asking if MN was cliquey or not.

I think that it is slightly unfair to tell Kitty that she shouldn't be asking these sort of questions on MN as they are too personal (I agree with what you said regarding surrogacy being highly personal) as MN is full of highly personal questions and people asking for advice on said topics.

My point on cliquey-ness sprung from the thought that it seems sad that Kitty should be jumped on in this thread for being too personal, yet there are many threads from others with equally personal issues. That, to me is cliquey.

I did not at any point, say that YOU were cliquey and my post was quite calm. Please don't go off on one.

Lazyline, Kitty flounced this morning ie she announced that she was leaving mn because she is sick of her problems not being taken seriously. MN is upsetting her.

It is my opinion that she should not bring her problems onto mn for a while because she is upset by the type of reaction she is getting. I'm not telling her what to do, I'm advising her to give it a miss atm because her dilemma is highly personal and she is being repeatedly upset by posting on here.

seems mil is an MNer

I hope she doesn't see any of Kittys posts re: Mil spending her money!!

[I am leaving again now, I want my head to remain intact]

i'm sorry if kitty has flounced..it is not the first time however

this is an emotionally fraught time and i can understand she is upset, especially if her MIL is miscarrying..

TB< regardless of what has been discussed, i don;t think that Kitty will get what she wants / needs from MN - ie total and utter 100 % validation of what she is doing for her SIL..because MN does not work like that

i wish her and her family all the best

o see kitty has not flounced !

Then, Carmenere, I apologise for my reaction to your post as I had no idea what had gone on earlier.

Do you hate me?

i simply couldnt give birth to a child and then hand it over and walk away

no matter whose egg it was

thats maybe just me though

I agree with everything Lulumama posted.

Its a massive massive decision to make and I think the thoughts and feelings of carrying their much wanted baby is overriding all the important things you should be considering right now.

Does that make sense?

I'm sorry to kittylette for this thread, I find it very sad and disappointing that it didn't answer her questions and be more supportive.

I wish kittylette good luck and think she is amazing to think and care so much for DBIL and DSIL

I think MIL still could have a good chance though, so it might be worth her giving it one more try, 3rd time lucky worked for me.

If SIL can harvest more eggs then kitty you have plenty of time to try. Good Luck

This post has gone off in a weird direction...

Kitty, what you are doing is amazing. I would do it in a heartbeat if I was in similar circs and was not so old!

In answer to your original question I would say as previous posters have suggested, "my offer is still open" and they can discuss it themselves.

I hope you don't take the weird negativity on this thread to heart - I think your plans are great.

Bloody hell - dont know what to say. Do you get on with SIL? Maybe she is waiting for you to offer

I liked Lazyline's first answer. I think it is an amazing offer and as long as you are sure you are right in this being for you, good on you girl.

IF mil not pg all sit down and have a good chat, only way

(I now thread has moved on- sadly)

Just wondered now you have introduced your mother in law what if she searches your name and finds all th post about slagging her off over the wedding money and over the big dog with the baby etc.

i am sorry if my posts came across as negative and unsupportive

i feel i am being realistic, this is not a yes/ no scenario

babies, feelings, emotions and many hypotheticals come into play and it is not as simple as 'oh, what a great idea , go for it!", IMHO

also, i thought

By colditz on Mon 09-Apr-07 13:23:36
Kitty

If something happened in the labour, and you could have no more children, would you ever forgive your sil for taking your last baby? I know I wouldn't.

is as point worth considering, nor has Kitty said what her DP feels about this

so if that is negative, then so be it..

i do wish kitty and her family all the best though

oh good god no

no no no no no noooooooooooooo

Kitty - I think you should speak to the doctors to see if your chances are greater than you MIL's, if they are then could you discuss it with your MIL first to see how she feels about you trying this time. I would imagine if your chances are greater she might feel it's the right time to let you try.

It's obvious that you have thought about this and it's really something you want to do, I think it's an amazing thing you are offering to do and think I would do the same for someone I truly care about. I agree that it will be an emotional time, but as you have said it is your SIL's egg and her DH's sperm therefore is their child and you will not be carrying the baby then just handing it over and having no more to do with it, you will be it's Auntie so will always have a part to play in it's life.

Good luck I hope it works out for you and your family.