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Original poster

should i borrow my SIL my womb??!

71 replies

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 11:21

longs story made short here...

SIL cant carry children but makes eggs, she had embryoes put in MIL and the IVF didnt work, theyve just had a 2nd go and it hasnt worked again

ive always said i would try for them, there is only 1 emby left in the freezer

my questions are

1- is there more chance of IVF working with me rather than MIL?

im 22 shes 40.

2- MIL has always wanted to do this for SIL and shes had 2 attempts now that havent worked

would it be insensitive of me to offer to try with the last emby now? because this is something she has always wanted to do for her daughter, would it seem like i was saying'your too old - let me do this' sort of thing?

this isnt something ive just decided, its been discussed openly for years

im asking if you think its the right time for me to seriously step up and say ' this is something i want to do and i will have that emby implanted if you want me to'

im very scared but if i have more of a chance than MIL, then i really think this is the better option than popping the very last emby into her!

but i dont want to offend her IYKWIM

what do you think???

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Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:42

its her daughter egg and her daughters husbands sperm

its nothing to do with her (apart from being its nana obviously)

shes just going to carry it as SIL cant carry babies

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:43

and no its NOT odd, its wonderful that she would do this for her daughter

and its sad that my SIL cant do it herself and

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 19:45

I would find it kinda strange that my hubby's mum would text him to say she had spotting

Anyway, if you lend her your womb I could see there being an awful lot of complications that you haven't thought about.

My SIL is currently on a list waiting for IVF, never in a million years would I dream of being a surrogate for her..what if you fall out in the middle of the pregnancy?

What if she gets pregnant naturally [however a long shot it may be]& decides she doesn't want the baby you are carrying for her?

What would happen if the baby was born with a disability & for some reason she decides she wouldn't be able to cope..would it be left up to you to care for the baby? {Even though you say the last thing you want is a baby}

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 19:48

im sure she would if they were as close as mine are and everyone was waiting with baited breath of any news on the IVF,

and like i said, ALL those issues you mentioned there have been discussed between us in depth,

and she cant get pregnant because she doesnt have a womb

OP posts:
Oxygen · 09/04/2007 19:57

Oh yay for it just being spotting so far!!!

WideWebWitch · 09/04/2007 19:58

OK, don't get cross with me, I'm only posting what I think and I'm not being horrible or rude about it. I just think surrogacy is fraught with emotional and potentially physical complications. And families are complicated enough.

Catz · 09/04/2007 19:59

I work in Family Law and thought I'd just mention that if you do decide to do this you should know that legally you'd be the mum of the child (or your MIL would be is she is pregnant) as it is the woman who gives birth to the child who is recognised as the mother by the law.

If you do do this make sure that you have a chat with a lawyer about what happens at the end otherwise things could be complicated in the future.... (there's a pretty quick way of getting parenthood transferred if you all agree and the court approves it, bit like a speedy adoption)

I've no experience of such a difficult decision though I do know that there has been some research that suggests that women in your position are able to play a large part in the life of the child but still feel that the other woman (your SIL here) is the 'real mum' despite the fact that they've given birth to the child. Obviously though experiences vary . I'd make sure that you think about what you tell the child well in advance as that seems to be where a lot of the problems lie.

Best of luck with the decision

Oxygen · 09/04/2007 19:59

My family would be sitting round for spotting style texts too.

Its not a random thought fleeting through Kitty's brain - this has clearly been going on for years

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 20:00

no what you said was you think its 'odd'

'' Am I the only one who finds this all a bit I dunno, um,

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 20:08

Ok. Good Luck.

CarGirl · 09/04/2007 20:13

I think you need to find somewhere more medical to ask whether you have a better chance of the embryo implanting due to age etc not sure many of us know that much about it.

I also thought that generally they do not undergo a round of IVF if they only have 1 frozen - they usually want at least 2 to undergo the thawing process to select the best. So either way I think your sil will need to undergo another harvesting process first.

Perhaps you can suggest that after your wedding you would be happy to try, or at least ask your SIL if they have ever directly asked the specialist if you have a better chance of it implanting than your SIL.

Lets hope it is an implantation bleed btw!

CarGirl · 09/04/2007 20:15

than in your MIL I mean.

Don't think there is ever going to be an easy time to ask/offer/suggest they skip MIL.

Presumably it would be better if you get get fresh embryos implanted anyway?????

Sorry that's my limited knowledge over with....

WideWebWitch · 09/04/2007 20:15

Oh maybe odd wasn't the right word. Maybe complex/difficult would have been better, I did say I wasn't sure that was the right word!

anyway, I don't want a fight so erm, that's me done, I don't ahve huge opinions on the subject, was just advising extreme caution for the reasons already stated.

Oxygen · 09/04/2007 20:19

They cocked up the thawing, hence only one left

LazyLine · 09/04/2007 20:19

Will they be harvesting more eggs? I will leave aside all the other questions regarding consequences, as you have said you have thought this out and they are irrelevant.

My personal opinion would be that if they could harvest more eggs, then let the MIL have the last egg of this batch and see what happens, then offer your services.

If this is the last egg EVER, then I think that you should offer. Not push, but offer, making it clear that you would not feel offended should they go with the MIL again but you want them to have all options open for the last ditch attempt.

I wish you luck in what will be a thoughtful and very loving act.

Carmenere · 09/04/2007 20:20

Kitty, you did actually flounce this morning. Because you said that this place was making you upset, so really and truly, give it a break for a while if it upsetting you. It will be a wonderful thing for you to do(the surrogacy) and good luck with it. Just don't look on here for validation because you don't need it. It is your body, your family and as you have pointed out what you mention on here is only the tip of the iceberg.
You shouldn't expect mners to understand how you feel and you shouldn't get upset that they don't. You don't need strangers opinions on something so personal. Good luck.

LazyLine · 09/04/2007 20:22

From what I have seen of MN, an awful lot of posts are those just looking for validation. It's not like this is a one off thread.

Why should Kitty not get what loads of other MN's get regularly? Because she annoyed some people?

Not cliquey indeed.....

Carmenere · 09/04/2007 20:25

Being a surrogate is an incredibly personal decision one that she doesn't need validation for. How dare you accuse me of being cliquey when I have taken time to be kind to Kitty

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 20:27

can we please not turn this into an argument

please!!!!!

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 20:27

Is Kitty different from the kitty that posted a thread a while ago slating her mum in law for spending her wedding cash & her dh for giving his mum their money from the FIL, or am I being my usual thick self & mixing all the kitties up

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 20:29

my MIL used the wedding money for the IVF, but we DINT know that

we thought she had just spent it

but WHAT THE HELL has that got to do with this???

OP posts:
Carmenere · 09/04/2007 20:30

I am only trying to point out to you Kitty that you don't need mn to say that your choices in life are ok and that you are pondering big important things in rl that asking about on mn doesn't seem to be helping. That you should avoid talking about them on here or just take a break. |I mean this in the nicest possible way and I don't appreciate another poster inferring that I am part of some clique.

October · 09/04/2007 20:31

Message withdrawn

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 09/04/2007 20:31

errr no

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 09/04/2007 20:33

FFS!! I was asking if you were the same, or was I mixing them up... that's all.

I'm off now, jesus, why bother shouting at me?? I simply asked a frikkin question!!

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