Pre Natal Depression???

[JC87]

Hi,

My wife and I have wanted a baby for a long time and finally we are almost there. He is due in November and I couldn’t be happy. My wife however, doesn’t seem to be and I can’t help but feel that it isn’t just that she’s worrying about the pain.

She won’t talk about buying any baby things or preparing for his arrival and every time I try to bring it up she just shuts down.

Is this ‘normal’, is there anything I can do to help?

Any help would be appreciated!

It's likely she's scared, about a whole plathora of things - the birth, her body, will she bond? will she breastfeed? will you still love her? will her life still be good? will she be a good mother? will he have her dimples? will she be supported? etc etc... It's exhausting! Not to mention the massive physical exhaustion she will be going through, she's probably fed up beyond belief right now.
If she's worried about the pain, maybe just try explaining that if she wants - the option to be on cloud coocooland whilst giving birth is there. Some mothers like to go at it natural, some like to be so spaced out the only thing they can feel is space and time... high as a kite! It really doesn't matter, it's a personal preference.
I hope she feels better soon and I hope you can talk about it.
Good luck!

Thank you ChocolatePancake. I just worry because apart from making sure she knows I’m there for her I don’t know that there’s anything else I can say to make it better.

It does help to hear from someone else though as she doesn’t always want to talk about it so helps me to try and understand better.

Thanks again :)

We tried for several years for DC1. I was very frightened that something would go horribly wrong at the last minute, as well as all the usual anxieties about birth. And even if all that goes well, you've got a baby to look after, and that is a massive change.

I found the years of infertility easier to cope with if I didn't allow myself to hope, or trust that treatment would work. It is very easy for that method of coping to carry over into pregnancy - you don't want to plan for having a baby in case it is snatched away. If this is how your wife feels then there's not much you can do other than encourage a hospital birth so every medical treatment is right there if needed.

It sounds as if she's more worried than most though - has she spoken to her midwife about her feelings?

Hi,

Yes, she has spoken with the midwife and they have just said keep an eye on it.

She is quite an anxious person at times anyway and I think the fact that at the moment I cannot help with confirming there’s nothing to worry about because it’s her body and only her that can feel it doesn’t help.

I try to reassure her but I do worry that she isn’t having any of the excitement of shopping for clothes or anything but I just don’t know if I’m overthinking it and I am seeing it more because I am excited about those things.

I just don’t want to say or do the wrong thing.

I had it with dd2 after two mc. There isn't much you can apart from let her talk about her fears and what's making her feel down.

Can you suggest hypnobirthing? I think it helped me feel a bit more in control of life and the impending birth.

Fwiw I had an amazing birth with dd2 and absolute no pnd.

ChocolatePancake you hit the nail on the head