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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Don't know what to make of how partner treats me whilst i'm pregnant

65 replies

Aaliyahali · 17/09/2017 22:26

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant. My first pregnancy was just over 3 months ago which ended in a missed misscarriaged of 8 weeks so I am very anxious about this current pregnancy. Main symptoms include nausea, extreme tiredness, frequent urination, tender breasts and constant hunger. I have only been with my partner 6 months. Pregnancies were unplanned but we were happy about it when I found out. I am usually 8 stone but have put on half a stone now during this trimester. Partner mentioned already 'I will buy a weight scale so you can watch your weight' and another time when he came in from work while i was cooking for him 'do you reckon you can keep off the weight while your pregnant and after?' And this morning he said 'I will buy us a tredmill so you can burn off alot of calories' And today he got me food for the first time after I was feeling really aggy and hungry and got me chicken and chips from local shop and after i thanked him and ate a wing he said 'ergh you eat like an african scavanger' and then shut door on me. I feel so embarrased. I work as a nurse full time and travel miles to go to his house to stay with him. I cook and clean for him. He never once cooked or done dishes. He says i should as his making the money but i work too and this is his house. is he just using me? His never once turned up to my emergency pregnancy appointments and we aint been on a date since start of our relationship. He said yesturday he can do alot better than me but then laughed and said joking. Few hours ago he says 'whats your name again i want to figure something out if ur name fits in with adam and eve. He only just about rmeebered my name. I also developed a sore down below which dr confirmed was herpes. I made us both do a blood test. His came up borderline n mine negative which means i only just got it from him but his indenial saying his clean and im just imagining things. Im hungry right now and dont want to go downstairs to make something incase he calls me fat. All i ate was those chicken and chips 9 hours ago. I feel so alone as i have no friends and he never spends time with me. Am i right for feeling i want to leave him even though im pregnant. I feel stuck in thought. He doesn't exactly hit me or anything. Just the occasionally comments and making me do all the work because im just a woman

OP posts:

violetamy · 19/09/2017 06:01

Your post made me cry. No one should ever feel like that and be spoken to that way. It's emotional abuse.
You need to run for the hills. Get away from him. If you're hungry, EAT!
I'm currently 35+5 weeks pregnant and when I was about 14 weeks my partner said little digs like "are you gonna lose weight when the baby is here" but he'd say it while we were out for tea in a restaurant. It's really embarrassing and put me off eating in front of him.

I'm no longer with him anymore.
You can do this xxxxxxx

JamdaniSari · 19/09/2017 12:45

What a dick.
Please don't assume baby's arrival will change him.
People like that will never change.
Take care of yourself. You deserve a lot better.

TitaniasCloset · 19/09/2017 13:02

I don't think the op was expecting these responses. I think she has freaked out.

KittyKK · 19/09/2017 14:13

Leave before you get in too deep. He isn't a nice person and will never change. Best wishes for you and your baby. Be happy and eat well. Ignore this dip shit

nousername123 · 20/09/2017 01:55

This is abuse and he sounds very strange, leave him. It might seem hard but the best thing for you and your baby is to leave him, you'd be better off. He clearly has psychological issues, it will only get worse x

1stX · 20/09/2017 13:29

You and baby deserve better than this cockwomble.

You're hungry because you're growing a tiny person and that takes a lot of energy. You're putting on weight because that's what you're body needs to do to grow that tiny person.

I'm sorry to say he's a superficial bellend who cares more about how you look than your health. If he's saying this now I doubt he'll change. He doesn't sound like the kind of influence you and your child will need.

Dump his ass. I doubt he could do better but you certainly can x

LadyRenoir · 20/09/2017 19:20

Abuse is not just physical, it can be mental abuse too- and very often people ignore it because they are not being hit/because it leaves not sign on the body. Mental abuse is just as serious and you should leave ASAP- if a relationship makes you feel insecure, unhappy, if your partner keeps on bringing you down, if he mocks you- this is not right. A while ago there were even adds on the TV about a charity that helps people in just such cases- I would have a look and ring them to get additional help.
But yes, do leave- no point sticking around. Have you got any family who can help you through? Maybe there are some support groups around?

SonicBoomBoom · 20/09/2017 19:37

If you knew you were on your own, would you want to proceed with the pregnancy, if you knew 100% that he wasn't going to be your boyfriend or partner?

Sunbitternx · 20/09/2017 19:41

So he's a racist?

If you stay with him that makes you one too

AdalindSchade · 20/09/2017 19:42

You've accidentally been impregnated by a total dickhead! Chances are always high when you get pregnant mere months into a relationship but hey it's done now. Just don't compound this poor judgement with further poor judgement by trying to mould this twat into a decent partner, because he isn't.

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 20/09/2017 19:52

The best thnh for you to do is leave him and focus on you and your baby. Try and enjoy your pregnancy. He sounds like an absolute idiot if you ask me. No way to treat a women pregnant or not.

Original poster

Aaliyahali · 20/09/2017 21:09

Thank you so much. This got me thinking and i can see more clearly now. I am staying here yes but can go back to my mums for the time being. He said I was lucky that he has a house and I can stay here and most girls would run for that opportunity and keeps telling me im lucky to have him as before I was living at home with no life. So he did make me feel I was privileged but I feel stupid now. I will find a way to leave now regardless that im pregnant. I just need to believe in myself. Herpes wont get me a new man but i made that stupid choice by trusting him. I need to focus on this pregnancy and only this will give me the strength to try leave

OP posts:

1stX · 20/09/2017 21:33

Don't feel stupid for wanting to trust someone. He's the one in the wrong for abusing your trust. Stay strong, you and baby will be happier without someone telling you both you're lucky he puts up with you.
Good luck x

Kit17 · 21/09/2017 07:46

Definitely leave - if anything, the fact that you're pregnant makes it more important to go, not less. Would you want him parenting your child?

2014newme · 21/09/2017 07:52

And stop worrying about getting a new man! Fgs!
You need to find a more reliable formula of contraception as 2 unplanned pregnancy in 6 months shows that whatever you're doing currently isn't working.
Definitely leave him but in your shoes I would also consider all options re the pregnancy you don't want to be tied to this idiot.

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