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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Don't know what to make of how partner treats me whilst i'm pregnant

65 replies

Aaliyahali · 17/09/2017 22:26

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant. My first pregnancy was just over 3 months ago which ended in a missed misscarriaged of 8 weeks so I am very anxious about this current pregnancy. Main symptoms include nausea, extreme tiredness, frequent urination, tender breasts and constant hunger. I have only been with my partner 6 months. Pregnancies were unplanned but we were happy about it when I found out. I am usually 8 stone but have put on half a stone now during this trimester. Partner mentioned already 'I will buy a weight scale so you can watch your weight' and another time when he came in from work while i was cooking for him 'do you reckon you can keep off the weight while your pregnant and after?' And this morning he said 'I will buy us a tredmill so you can burn off alot of calories' And today he got me food for the first time after I was feeling really aggy and hungry and got me chicken and chips from local shop and after i thanked him and ate a wing he said 'ergh you eat like an african scavanger' and then shut door on me. I feel so embarrased. I work as a nurse full time and travel miles to go to his house to stay with him. I cook and clean for him. He never once cooked or done dishes. He says i should as his making the money but i work too and this is his house. is he just using me? His never once turned up to my emergency pregnancy appointments and we aint been on a date since start of our relationship. He said yesturday he can do alot better than me but then laughed and said joking. Few hours ago he says 'whats your name again i want to figure something out if ur name fits in with adam and eve. He only just about rmeebered my name. I also developed a sore down below which dr confirmed was herpes. I made us both do a blood test. His came up borderline n mine negative which means i only just got it from him but his indenial saying his clean and im just imagining things. Im hungry right now and dont want to go downstairs to make something incase he calls me fat. All i ate was those chicken and chips 9 hours ago. I feel so alone as i have no friends and he never spends time with me. Am i right for feeling i want to leave him even though im pregnant. I feel stuck in thought. He doesn't exactly hit me or anything. Just the occasionally comments and making me do all the work because im just a woman

OP posts:
Outlookmainlyfair · 17/09/2017 23:58

Leave, like the wind. He is a controlling abuser with ni redeeming features. Go! Don't look back.

Hawkmoth · 18/09/2017 00:02

Run.

You have a future, don't let him fuck it up.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 18/09/2017 00:04

You're skivying for him in his house? You don't live there and he thinks you should do the cooking and cleaning? And you do it?

Why? Confused

He can clean his own fucking house!

And I have been with my DH for 22yrs and not once has he ever said a single negative thing about my appearance. Not once. It's not OK.

Sack him off.

And really think about why you let someone treat you like this before meeting anyone else.

nooka · 18/09/2017 00:07

A good partner would be loving and cherishing you when you are pregnant, especially with the previous loss. He'd be cooking for you, or getting you nice food, not insulting you and he'd be encouraging you to rest not to run around after him.

You don't have a good partner, and I suspect you'd be a great deal happier without this man on your back.

Skittlesandbeer · 18/09/2017 00:30

Rally the troops and surround yourself with people who have you and your baby's interests at heart. Is there someone you can stay with who will help you with healthy food without the judgement?

And when the next man comes along, try and spend more time getting to know him properly before committing your heart (and future) to him. Six months is an awfully short time to accidentally get pregnant twice. Are you sure one of you (or both) didn't have ulterior motives for being lax with birth control?

Lozmatoz · 18/09/2017 05:57

This is the start of an abusive relationship, it will get significantly worse. Leave now. Please. Seek advice from a helpline, friends or family. He will not change.

over40andpregnant · 18/09/2017 06:06

Please leave

SheSaidHeSaid · 18/09/2017 08:01

You need to leave... NOW.

What are you even staying for? You barely know him and he's only going to get worse.

Whether you choose to leave him or not you really need to prepare yourself to be a single mother.

UnicornSparkles1 · 18/09/2017 08:09

Lovely girl, why on earth would you stay?

Take you and your unborn child and put as much distance between yourself and this nasty prick as possible.

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 18/09/2017 09:25

Leave, leave, leave. Leave now. He is an abusive arse and he's already warping the way you think about yourself. He'll carry on until you feel about an inch high and he's squashed every ounce of confidence and self-respect out of you.

If you want to have your baby, I would second a Pp to do nothing whatsoever about keeping him informed on your pregnancy, trying to facilitate contact etc. He doesn't care and he'll only abuse your child too. Get away and maybe with luck he won't bother to follow up.

Tupacca · 18/09/2017 09:31

You will have a far better life alone than you will living with that horrible man. Get out of there.

GlitterSparkles17 · 18/09/2017 09:34

And this is 6 months in!! Imagine what your life will be like years down the line! Please leave him! He sounds vile. You can do better and you deserve better.

Tiredmum100 · 18/09/2017 09:35

Leave the dick head. Do you have family? Mum or someone you can talk to.

Sunshinesaz86 · 18/09/2017 09:36

You say you've been together 6 months but he's never actually taken you out as in any sort of date?
You clean his house?
You work as a nurse yet he says he earns the money?
He's making comments about your weight when your 8 stone (tiny) and now pregnant so will have more of an appetite?
He's already making you feel self conscious to the extent where you don't even want to go downstairs and eat!

Relationships are not supposed to be like this.

He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Do what the other posters have said get away from him and bring up your child yourself. You'll be better off in the long run.

Hairgician · 18/09/2017 09:39

You need to leave right now.
This will not end well. Hes dangerous. Get away while you can.

everythingsucks · 18/09/2017 09:43

Get out. He is nasty. What happens when you are heavily pregnant? Will he expect you not to show? So he would rather you starved the baby of nutrients than put on a healthy amount of weight.

Leave him and think very carefully if you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life by a child. Do you really think he will tolerate a child taking your attention? Do you think he will be a good dad? Will he tell your children they are useless and fat?

KalaLaka · 18/09/2017 09:45

If you want your baby to be safe, you need to leave and never see him again. He will try to make you feel guilty and say things to make you stay. After you leave, he will try to seem like a good, loving partner: he is not.

Having a baby is so much hard work: he will make your life hell. Please leave and tell trusted family and friends the reason so they can help you.

outofmymind2 · 18/09/2017 09:45

Run!
I second not putting him on the birth cert. don't even tell him when you're in labour!

Please leave this man and find someone who'll treat you right Flowers

KalaLaka · 18/09/2017 09:47

If you continue to have sex with him, you're putting yourself and baby at risk of serious diseases.

What do you mean by he doesn't hit you exactly? Does he hurt you?

Anatidae · 18/09/2017 09:49

Leave now.

Mustang27 · 18/09/2017 09:58

It shouldn't be having you thinking twice it should have you running for the hills!!!

Seriously walk away now!!!

TitaniasCloset · 18/09/2017 10:12

You need to run far away from this man. He is abusive and it will only get worse. He doesn't care about this baby either, if he did he wouldn't be expecting you to starve yourself. It will harm the baby if you try too hard to keep your weight down through a pregnancy, everyone gets 'fat' while pregnant, there's a human being growing in there!

Unfortunately abusive men show their true colours once you are pregnant and vulnerable. Very concerning that you got pregnant twice in such a short space of time. I think you need some support.

ILoveMyCatss · 18/09/2017 10:30

I was in a relationship exactly like this 8 years ago before I met dh, I just didn't have a baby with him. I am begging you now to please leave him, for the sake of your baby if nothing else. No he's not hitting you but he is emotionally abusing you and it is just as bad. As mentioned before talk to your midwife or doctor or ring a helpline, there will be so much support for you. I stayed with my bf for 2 years and it took me a long, long time to get over it. If you leave now it will be a whole lot easier. You also have to consider if you want a man like this as a role model to your child? If you stay then you're teaching your child that this is normal. Do you have any family or friends who can help you? It's not easy but please just get as far away from him as you can. Flowers xxx

FreshSet · 18/09/2017 10:36

leave him op it will only get worse. You are worth so much more.

Mrstobe90 · 19/09/2017 00:04

Run! If he makes you do everything now, imagine what it'll be like when baby comes! It sounds like even with him around, you'll be raising the baby alone so cut off the abusive sack of shit and give your child the best life you can xx

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