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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Don't know what to make of how partner treats me whilst i'm pregnant

65 replies

Aaliyahali · 17/09/2017 22:26

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant. My first pregnancy was just over 3 months ago which ended in a missed misscarriaged of 8 weeks so I am very anxious about this current pregnancy. Main symptoms include nausea, extreme tiredness, frequent urination, tender breasts and constant hunger. I have only been with my partner 6 months. Pregnancies were unplanned but we were happy about it when I found out. I am usually 8 stone but have put on half a stone now during this trimester. Partner mentioned already 'I will buy a weight scale so you can watch your weight' and another time when he came in from work while i was cooking for him 'do you reckon you can keep off the weight while your pregnant and after?' And this morning he said 'I will buy us a tredmill so you can burn off alot of calories' And today he got me food for the first time after I was feeling really aggy and hungry and got me chicken and chips from local shop and after i thanked him and ate a wing he said 'ergh you eat like an african scavanger' and then shut door on me. I feel so embarrased. I work as a nurse full time and travel miles to go to his house to stay with him. I cook and clean for him. He never once cooked or done dishes. He says i should as his making the money but i work too and this is his house. is he just using me? His never once turned up to my emergency pregnancy appointments and we aint been on a date since start of our relationship. He said yesturday he can do alot better than me but then laughed and said joking. Few hours ago he says 'whats your name again i want to figure something out if ur name fits in with adam and eve. He only just about rmeebered my name. I also developed a sore down below which dr confirmed was herpes. I made us both do a blood test. His came up borderline n mine negative which means i only just got it from him but his indenial saying his clean and im just imagining things. Im hungry right now and dont want to go downstairs to make something incase he calls me fat. All i ate was those chicken and chips 9 hours ago. I feel so alone as i have no friends and he never spends time with me. Am i right for feeling i want to leave him even though im pregnant. I feel stuck in thought. He doesn't exactly hit me or anything. Just the occasionally comments and making me do all the work because im just a woman

OP posts:
boredofmyoldname · 17/09/2017 22:29

He's showing you some big red flags. Leave. Now.

LS83 · 17/09/2017 22:33

He sounds like a complete pig. Leave his house now, pick up a nice takeaway on the way home and stuff your face 'like an african scavenger' (!!!) safe in the knowledge that you've lost 10 stone of twat tonight!!

Fernanie · 17/09/2017 22:34

He sounds pretty awful OP. I don't have any real advice for you I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run.
This isn't a normal way to treat someone you care about. You ask 'is he just using me?' and I suspect the answer is yes.
Sadly it's not uncommon for domestic abuse (including all kinds of control and unkindness, not just hitting) to begin or to escalate in pregnancy. Do you have somewhere you can go, away from him, to think about what you really want and what your next steps will be? A friend or family member you can talk to? It's worth mentioning it to your midwife too - and you should also mention the herpes as it can affect your delivery.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Pregnancy should be a happy time for you and your partner to prepare for the next stage of your life together. But it doesn't sound like he contributes a great deal that's positive to your life.

kuniloofdooksa · 17/09/2017 22:34

What a tosser. You need to get out of there now.

Ab22x · 17/09/2017 22:35

This is emotional abuse, you need to leave him or it will be harmful to you and your baby! Talk to your midwife they're great at offering support and help, concentrate on you and your baby xx

manandbeast · 17/09/2017 22:37

My love, leave him.

You deserve better than this. It will get worse. Protect yourself and your baby.

X

dippypanda · 17/09/2017 22:40

He is not your "partner" in any sense. I echo what others have said already and leave. This will only get worse.

BluePheasant · 17/09/2017 22:41

So many reasons to leave him in that post I don't even know where to start. Nasty, emotionally abusive man. He wants to degrade your confidence so you won't leave.

Just get rid asap. Being a single mum will be so much better than being scared to eat in case you get called fat Flowers

NotQuiteJustYet · 17/09/2017 22:41

LTB. This man brings nothing positive to your life and I highly doubt that he'll bring anything positive to your child's life either.

Tell him to get stuffed, order a takeaway and put those feet up. You're growing a human after all. Flowers

cherryontopp · 17/09/2017 22:48

Exactly what LS83 said which made me laugh out loud this guy is the one who's a pig.
Your pregnant, your appetite is bigger and he's disgusting for treating you like this.
Also the herpes? Really?

I'd rather be a happy single parent than be with this abusive sly pig...hes mentally abusing you already and possibly cheating/cheated on you. Wouldnt trust him as far as I could throw him.

Cut your losses now, put this down to experience, dump the bastard and concentrate on your baby.

Moanyoldcow · 17/09/2017 22:49

Leave him. Now. Go look at the Relationships board if you want a glimpse into the future with this man. It will be hell.

If you want to keep the baby I'd suggest a lie - I'd tell him you lost it again and get as far away from him as possible.

Tying yourself to an abusive man forever with a child is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make.

dede124 · 17/09/2017 22:57

Urgh he sounds like a proper prick. Red flag alert!! If he's like that now I don't think he will be much better when the baby arrives. You'll be better on your own Flowers

Aaliyahali · 17/09/2017 22:57

Oh wow I did not expect any replies. Thank you all for taking the time to comment This is seriously getting me thinking twice now. I thought It was just me and my hormones making me want to leave for little reasons. but I guess I really should re consider my life choices

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 17/09/2017 22:59

He sounds horrible and you will be so much more vulnerable once you are a mother. Leave him now if you can .

Lemondrop99 · 17/09/2017 23:03

Run. As fast as you can in the opposite directions. At best, he's immature, selfish and has his priorities totally backwards. At worse, this is abusive behaviour with the potential to get worse. You need someone supportive, not someone who is going to make you feel humiliated. If this relationship lasts, it won't be a good environment for you or your baby. You deserve much better.

lollipop7 · 17/09/2017 23:18

Please don't stay with him. He is an abuser and you and your baby will be emotional punchbags or worse for him.
There don't be a happy ending. Men like this don't change and I promise you it is not your fault. In any way.
Go back to your own place and never give him another chance.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm sorry for your previous loss.

You will be so much happier and safer if you walk away. 💐

Neverknowing · 17/09/2017 23:21

Leave.
And don't put him on the birth certificate whatever you do!!

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 17/09/2017 23:25

Why are you having a baby with someone who doesn't care about you?

SindyFishtail · 17/09/2017 23:27

No good reason why you would stay with that horrible cruel man and PLENTY of reasons why you should leave!
Leave as soon as you can and don't go back. You and your baby deserve happiness. Life is short... if he isn't bringing anything positive to your life, get rid!

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 17/09/2017 23:35

I've never said LTB on here and rarely comment on relationship threads but please don't put up with this, he ls treating you horrendous.
What advice would you give to a patient who was in the same position and being treated like that?!
It will only get worse, please get out.

TimbuktuTimbuktu · 17/09/2017 23:43

Run away now and dont look back. You will be so much happier without him.

Women's aid run a course called the freedom programme designed to help women recognise and escape abusive relationships. You might find it helpful.

MadameJosephine · 17/09/2017 23:45

Run like the wind! What an arsehole.

plank · 17/09/2017 23:48

Do NOT bring a child into this relationship. What an horrific man. You have to leave him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds · 17/09/2017 23:48

Run

Ambonsai · 17/09/2017 23:50

Why do you go miles to his house to cook and clean? He says you should do it because he earns the money?

Yes he is just using you.
Please leave him