Conflicting gender scans (private v NHS) - anyone else?

[caitlin91]

Hello
This is our 1st pregnancy so understandably we've been v excited and opted to have an early (i suppose) gender scan at 16wks and were told that we were expecting a boy. The lady who done the scan was great and really took her time making sure she had views from all angles before commenting on her thoughts on the gender. She said at no point during the 15 min appt did she feel she was looking at a wee girl and tbh we were thinking the same thing - there was def bits between the legs!!
On Monday we had the 20wk NHS scan and the whole experience was quite horrible and disappointing. The woman doing the scan was actually quite rude to me and my OH. She was v focussed on getting all of the measurements and rightly so - we asked her if she could have a look at the gender for confirmation. She had a v quick look and declared it was a GIRL. Obviously I was shocked and asked if she was sure - to which she had a snide reply.
When I explained about our previous scan she said
"well that's what you get for having a private scan at 16 weeks, it looks like a girl to me"
and that was the end of it. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I spent the whole day afterwards really upset and crying as i felt like I had bonded with what I was sure was my son, and I had my heart set on a boy and I feel like it's been snatched away from me. I know this is silly and I'm so happy to know that everything's okay and the baby is healthy but I can't help it.

Nhs scans aren't really for gender so lots of sonographers don't like to do that. I'd call the private clinic again and see if they'll rescan you

Wow how confusing for you. I can see why it would be upsetting, especially when you've started mentally preparing yourself for one sex.

The 20 week scan is quite intense, so the sonographers can very focused on what they're doing as there's so many measurements to take. However there's no excuse to be rude. I had a lovely private scan at 10 weeks, but my NHS sonographer at 12 weeks was very abrupt. It was a bit upsetting. Luckily the NHS lady at my 20 week scan was absolutely lovely.

Agree with the above poster, worth asking the private scan play if they'd rescan you. They might not as they only claim a certain level of accuracy, but worth a try. If not, and ids upsetting you that much, maybe pay for another private scan (if you can afford it)? Babybond do a simple gender scan from 18-30 weeks which is only £40.

Thanks for replying both I think I'll give the private clinic a call to see what they have to say about rescanning. I wish we'd just waited for a surprise now, my head is all over the place! Taking this as a lesson in learning patience... god knows I'll need it when the baby is here!

Whoops!! If you do have another scan please come back and let us know the sex! I think it's supposed to be easier to tell if babies are girls.

Oh bless you, I bet it is! I wonder if the private clinic might take pity and offer you a cheaper rescan if you try your luck.

I know some nhs trusts refuse (or used to refuse poss changed now) to tell you the gender and some sonographers get arsey about it but it's not your fault. Let us know if you get an answer

Oh no this sounds so stressful for you! We have a private 16 week gender scan booked in for Saturday and now I'm feeling nervous! Was planning to rush out and buy lots of clothes as so far I've only been able to buy a few neutral pieces! Let us know if you get another scan and what they say x

My parents had bought a ton of beautiful boys bits and pieces and they've all been swapped to pink already! Bless them they're as excited as we are with it being the 1st grandchild. The 16 week scan was amazing and clear as day! The sonographer was great and really took her time and even gave us a sneaky peak on the 4d! It was such a lovely appointment. We keep rewatching the video and it definitely looks like a boy - it's not the cord either as you can clearly see where that is as well. Thankfully the private scan was £30 so if we have to pay again I won't mind as much.

Sounds like a crappy experience! Sorry to hear that! I think if I wanted a gender scan to be accurate I would've gone later on. But to be honest the sex of the baby doesn't matter one bit to me. I know it's different for everyone but maybe take some time to enjoy the fact you have a healthy baby, step away from the medical atmosphere. Theres no pressure so be a little patient :-) xxxx

Are your details on the video? Can you post a screenshot and see if we can tell?? Although if a sonographer couldn't I'm not sure why I think we might be able to!

overinvested in this post

When you had your private scan did they give you any photos? With ours we had a clear as day shot of the baby's genitals where we could clearly see his testicles and pens.
Ours too was a private one at 16 weeks, we had this as a reassurance and decided to find out at the same time as our PCT does not offer the option.
As others have said I would book another one to be sure

This happened to a friend of mine. 16 week private scan said girl, 20 week NHS scan said boy. The private place rescanned her free of charge and said 100% girl. She had a little girl so the nhs sonographer was wrong

Thanks for all the lovely replies everyone! We don't have a pic of the genitals just the video and my details are clearly displayed or I'd post for your opinions.
Think another scan is on the cards for my sanity x

I am going to be a bit controversial here, but is your baby healthy? Were the measurements ok?

Honestly, bit of a storm in a teacup. If one scan would have told you that there was a medical issue, and the other scan was in the clear, then fine I would be sympathetic. But for the sex of the baby? and why are you so clearly stating the obvious, of course a private service will be more personal. They want your business and your money.

@LittleMissCrappy as I mentioned in my 1st post all is well and healthy with baby, which I am obviously over the moon at. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking if anyone has had a similar experience

This was one of the reasons I paid for a private scan. I didn't want the pressure on the 20 week NHS scan as more important things to do and they don't have the time. The private scan spent 30 minutes as she wanted to be sure as it's the service we paid for. Plus she wanted to show us on the scan which the 20 week scan won't always do.

If you have some spare cash it's probably worth having another but I would go with the private scan result

This was one of the reasons I paid for a private scan. I didn't want the pressure on the 20 week NHS scan as more important things to do and they don't have the time. The private scan spent 30 minutes as she wanted to be sure as it's the service we paid for. Plus she wanted to show us on the scan which the 20 week scan won't always do.

If you have some spare cash it's probably worth having another but I would go with the private scan result

I've had NHS scans (normal and extra for bleeding) and private medical clinic at £90 for reassurance that baby was ok. Of course they're different it's a completely different set up. the clinic is very swanky and accommodating and used consultant radiographers for scans. But the basic service: i.e. Is baby ok etc is the same it's just little extras. I opted for harmony testing (for Downs etc) and a by product if this is they can tell you to near certainty from their DNA what the child's sex is. Harmony was £500. (But I also I don't understand your reaction - I was just utterly relieved everyone was ok i couldn't have cared less what was in there! I appreciate everyone reacts differently but perhaps it would be beneficial to focus on the main point: everything is going well in there with your wee one.

I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting to know the sex of your baby. Loads of people do and I've personally felt it helped me mentally prepare better for my baby. I love being able to imagine what he'll look like, being able to settle on a name etc. Of course a healthy baby is the most important thing, but no harm in wanting to know a bit more. And if you've got as far as asking, of course it would confuse the life out of you if are given two different answers! I don't think I could wait another 20 weeks feeling confused (which is totally different to having chosen not to find out)

Shame you didn't get a potty shot photo. My private scan gave us a potty shot and there's no missing that he's a boy! Good luck and please let us know what happens

To be fair the 20 weeks scan is an anomaly scan, not a sexing scan. I appreciate the sonographer was a bit short but they have a lot to look at and get right in a short space of time and I can't imagine telling the sex is one of their priorities. Some hospitals won't even tell you.

We had a gender scan at 16w 3d and gender was correct as little girl.

Contact your private scan office and explain what's happened. They may offer a discount to rescan you.

@Lemondrop99 that's exactly how we feel! Not that I have to justify my reasoning - it's just confusing when you have 2 conflicting opinions. We've been calling the baby by his name ever since the 16wk scan and I've had an image in my head of what I think he'll look like. Obv if he turns out to be a she that's absolutely fine! Just takes a wee bit of readjusting on our behalf! A healthy baby is the main priority

Thanks all for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it xx

NHS scans both said girl. (20weeks and 24 weeks)
Spent £££££££&
Had a lovely ds on the day!!

Sorry I don't have any experience of gender disappointment becuse I didn't find out the sex. I'm sorry the NHS scan wasn't as lovely as the private one, but sadly they don't have the money to make it as personal an experience as private places do. Honestly I'd just take the positives from this. You have a healthy baby in there - it may be a boy or a girl, but it's healthy. You can always pay for another private scan if you really need to know the gender of the baby.

Get yourself another private scan booked to find out for sure then come back and update us