Breast Feed or Bottle Feed

[confusedat23]

Hi,

I am looking for info on both really... It is so hard to find unbiased information and I have always been a believer that it doesn't matter which way you feed!

However now I am preganant (almost 24 weeks) I feel like it is such a major decision and cannot make my mind up! I bought all the stuff for both really cheap in the sales so I am prepared either way (I will just sell or donate stuff I do not use).

Also to add to matters I have low Papp-A which means I have growth scans to check on baby and there is a chance we might have a premmie... I have heard that you need to hand express and then breastfeed with a premmie as they cannot process formula (this might be the biggest BS ever, but adds to the feeling of being forced to breastfeed).

I am just really not sure what to decide!

Why are you all arguing? The OP didn't ask for a debate, she asked for our experiences! BF is wonderful just as FF is - it's not the devil! I enjoy BF, my husband helps out with stuff. Our marriage is 50/50. He's amazing!

Does it really matter how a baby is fed? Seriously! There is no right or wrong way! And this is coming from a HV!

Breastfeeding is better for baby. That is an unbiased fact. But formula is the next best thing and perfectly adequate.

Of course it is but in this day and age, as long as a baby is fed that's all that matters. BF or FF - as long as it's not chips or lasagne 😂

@Laura1206 sadly it is inevitable with those sorts of threads because there is always one tool that deliberately writes something untrue and inflammatory just for the hell of it.

Yes ultimately all that matters is that baby is fed. That's stating the obvious however, it is a crying shame that in this country we have one of the lowest if not the lowest rate of breastfeeding in the world. That's a whole different debate, but for a lot of women that do breastfeed it is important to set some of the rumours and myths about it straight.

Folks, please stop feeding the bridge-dweller/goady fucker user...85

Trolls thrive on attention and reaction.

@AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered not only do I love your username but wish I had not ever replied to this specimen in the first place.
They seem to have crawled back under stone from whence they came. For now

Benefits of formula feeding:
some poeple think FF babies sleep through the night easier/earlier.
it allows feeding to be (literally) shared by the father or others.

Benefits of breast feeding:
Proven health benefits for baby (increased immune system etc), due to the fact that breast milk is designed specifically for that individual baby, and not only that but the mothers body learns the needs of the baby via the saliva of the baby and accomodates the babies needs as they arise.

Proven health benefits for the mother-decreased risk of breat cancer.
Assists in losing excess weight that many women carry following pregnancy and childbirth.
Free!
Less to do in terms of sterilising bottles etc.
Less stuff to carry when you go out.

Some women have no choice, or have valid reasons, but seriously, not equal choices.

I was prepared for both. Breastfed for the first six weeks and then combination fed (was advised to as my dd hadn't recovered to her birth weight). Worked well for me. I had kind of wrecked my nipples by trying to collect colostrum (due to very late diagnosis of gestational diabetes) so the first month I needed to use nipple shields as it was too painful without. I really loved breastfeeding her, a lovely bonding experience. My daughter self weaned off the boob at 12 1/2 months and now has three bottles of formula a day (she's allergic to cow's milk, hence why still on special formula).

Also, just to add, I couldn't give a shit how others feed their babies. I don't think most people judge formula or breast, it's just a few twats so no need to worry about them. I think give breastfeeding a go and just see how you find it.

Sorry user...85. Another one here who had a husband who probably did more than me overall but I breastfed. And whose formula feeding friends who had hoped for equal sharing were often left disappointed when the night feeds and monotony of sterilizing were all left to them anyway.

Can open - worms everywhere.

@Tiba - I wanted to reply to you as well as to the OP because what you write really struck a chord with me... Your experience is so similar to my own with DC1 and I want to send you a very unmumsnetty hug and say what a brilliant job you are doing - it's so bloody hard.

I also felt really judged getting a bottle out to feed DC1 and I was so jealous of the women who were easily BFing their babies while I was trying to pump and top up with formula while they were telling everyone how easy and natural it all is (I am sure it is for a lot of women but it also isn't for a lot of us) and I just want you to know that you are not alone.

I spent hundreds of pounds on lactation consultants, pumps etc and in the end we decided to call it a day after a couple of months for the sake of my mental health. It was hands down, one of the most difficult times I have experienced - I was absolutely devastated and felt like a failure - all I had heard from all sides during pregnancy was how easy BFing is, how anyone can do it and how all the best mamas do etc... When I had to admit defeat I felt so ashamed of myself. That feeling passed in time and now I think I just did the best I could and that is absolutely good enough.

DC1 is very well, put on weight beautifully, hit all milestones and isn't a sickly creature... I just want to let you know that you are not alone in your experience and wish you the best for the future - I really hope things get better for you very soon.

@confusedat23 - despite my tale of woe above, I am PG with DC2 at the moment and am planning to have a crack at BFing again, although if it doesn't work out this time I will not be shedding any tears over it! I think it is great to have a try and see how you feel about BFIng - with a bit of luck it will work out brilliantly for you both.

Sensible to be prepared for formula feeding too though in case it doesn't work put straight away and you are stuck with a screaming baby at 3am when all the shops are shut. You can get 'starter packs' of formula which are little bottles with pre-sterilised teats and they are great for a quick feed if and when you need them in the early days.

Good luck with everything - the debate always polarises but that is the same with a lot of things about motherhood you will come to realise...

At the end of the day, you can't group primary school children into those who were breastfed and those who weren't based on IQ, health or anything else so although the choice is an important one, it is unlikely to have a significant impact on the long term health and happiness of your baby.

Mum's mental health is the most important consideration in any event.

Good luck to you both.

Thank you @Lunalovepud

I honestly don't know how anyone keeps going on like this.

I'm just 4 weeks in and struggling so much.
Doing this for another 5 months seems like an impossibility.

It's great to hear from people like you who have managed it for longer and then made the decision to combi feed.

@Tiba - just go on for as long as you want to - you have already done brilliantly and have given your baby a cracking start. You don't have to get to 6 months unless YOU want to.

A community midwife told me that the NHS are reviewing the advice they publish in their antenatal notes about breastfeeding this year, one of the things they need to clarify is that breastfeeding only reduces the risk of breast cancer in women who do not have any kind of genetic predisposition towards it.

The second thing is that having a mother who is struggling with her mental health is much worse for a baby that switching from breastfeeding to combi feeding or formula.

Pumping every three hours and also having to feed / sleep etc on top of that is a brutal schedule, much worse than either EBF or FF as you still have the bottle prep / feeds etc to do and the baby settling etc and then just when you could be settling down for a sleep or a cup of tea of 5 minutes to yourself you have to get on that bloody pump for 20 minutes or whatever the hellish time period is.

I got to the stage where I hated my breast pump - I got it out the other day in preparation for the arrival of DC2 and it brought me out in a cold sweat just looking at it! I think that after DC2 is done with whatever we end up doing, I am going to have some kind of ceremonial destruction of the breast pump in the garden. I imagine it will be like when Buffy smashes up the bones of The Master in S2 E1 for anyone who is familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer... For anyone unfamiliar, she basically smashes it to bits with a bloody great hammer. And good riddance too.

You are a brilliant mum Tiba.

@Lunalovepud it's only when you put it out in words like that, that I realise just how hard it really can be.

I dont manage time to eat lunch, I struggle to boil the kettle to make a cup of tea let alone drink one that's got cold.

I was in tears at lunchtime today as I was desperate for the loo and so thirsty but with a blocked duct and boobs that needed pumping that couldn't wait and a baby that had only just fallen asleep on me after taking a long time to settle after the last feed.
I ended up asking DP to pop home just to hold him and make me a cup of tea so I could do the above.

I've loved breastfeeding OP but I'm extremely stubborn and spent entire days and weeks with a baby attached to me, in the first instance, with both DC.

It's hard, tiring and random at first but if you can go with the flow, it's great. Let the baby feed all day/night if he/she wants, it gets easier after the first few weeks and is well worth the initial stress and tough moments (in most cases).

@tiba - it sounds like things are really not great for you at the moment... Is there any way you could have a think about substituting a few feeds for formula in the short term so you can try to get some rest?

Breastfeeding works best on a supply and demand basis so you should be able to build your supply again if needed - maybe the national breastfeeding helpline could've give you some advice on this? Or someone else from this thread will probably come along with some good advice on supply...

I think it really important that you find a way to make things easier on yourself. You are doing your absolute best and that is more than good enough...

Your mental health should not suffer in order to feed your baby.

I'm not saying it's the answer for everyone, only that once I accepted that ebf wasn't going to happen and began to combi feed, it was like a weight lifted. I got more sleep, was able to eat, shower and go to their loo and really started to enjoy my baby. There is so much to look forward to in the next few weeks... Smiles, grabbing for toys etc - it's such a wonderful and special time and you should be able to enjoy it without having all of this pressure on you.

The cup of tea thing doesn't get any better though I'm afraid... DC1 is 2 now and I've only had a handful of cups of tea that were still hot without being microwaved since he was born. 😉

Please look after yourself.

For those of you putting up with cold tea - thermos mug! Just make sure the lid is on properly and be aware it will be very hot still when you take it off so be careful around baby.

My baby is one week old and currently breastfeeding. Everyday I am questioning my decision if it's the right thing to do for my baby and also my family. I am a believer that nutritionally it is better for baby.

I have a 4 yo DS and for this week I have not had 1 minute to even play with him as we are constantly nursing. He understands but it's so heartbreaking to see his little smile fall.

Even though my baby is gaining weight and feeding fine we have had some problems with breastfeeding from the 2nd day. We stayed in hospital a few days longer to get better help and also seen a private lactation specialist. The latch seems to be ok but my baby's tongue seems to not be positioned correctly when suckling. My nipples are in pieces. I'm using a natural nipple cream, had a cream for possible infection and now have cream to close the cracks. Everyday at every feed I am anxious to feed her for the fear of the pain. I am constantly in tears from the feeling of failure and the guilt of not spending any time with DC1. I am not in the uk and where I am a huge percentage of mothers BF and no matter what other people say you do get judged!

My dilemma now is give up BF and feel like I have failed and feel like I have harmed the little bond I have with DS2 or carry on BF through the pain in the hope it eventually goes or gets better.

When at a time you are already hormonal and the BF pressure is too much I don't want it to affect my mental health. But it's just so hard some days.

So am I just unlucky with this pain problem or am I weak that I am struggling.

From a very sad mummy who is trying her best to breastfeed but questioning the term 'Is breast always best'

I had pain for the first few weeks. I have never met anyone who hasn't, honestly. I saw an LC about 3/4 weeks in and she sorted me out in a minute, never had pain again. I recommend trying another consultation in a week if you can last that long. Sometimes their mouths are just so little when they're born so even if latch is OK there is soreness.

Only you can decide what's right for you and your family, but I personally would not put a 4 yr old's feelings before caring for a newborn. He will have to accept sharing mummy. Even if you FF if the baby gets sick you won't have time to play with your older child either. It's a hard transition for everyone. Having said that, do you know how to BF while wearing baby in a sling or wrap? Then you can interact with the older one more easily.

@mustbeinsane1984 - so sorry you are feeling like this...

Has someone checked baby for tongue tie? It's easily snipped when they are so little and my son had it really badly - my nipples were shredded and bleeding - it was awful.

I'm have no really useful breastfeeding advice as I couldn't ever get it properly established but I do remember how tough the first couple of weeks with a newborn are, especially with all of the hormones floating around on top of everything else...

I really hope you can get the support that you need. In the end, do what is best for you and your family. Someone will always judge decisions you make as a parent... It's really hard but sometimes flipping them off (metaphorically it physically) and just getting on with your own way of doing things is the best thing for your physical and mental health.

Take care.

Can't you do something quiet with the 4 year old during feeds so that it's his time too? My mum bought a load of new books from the charity shop for me and put them in a basket and when my sister was feeding I could choose one to read with her. Meant I felt included.

Hi op, definitely try to breastfeed. As someone said you can switch to formula easily but re establishing a supply is hard work. I nursed mine for at least a year after c sections and struggled initially but glad I carried on as its so much easier than making bottles. Good luck with whatever you decide