Breast Feed or Bottle Feed

[confusedat23]

Hi,

I am looking for info on both really... It is so hard to find unbiased information and I have always been a believer that it doesn't matter which way you feed!

However now I am preganant (almost 24 weeks) I feel like it is such a major decision and cannot make my mind up! I bought all the stuff for both really cheap in the sales so I am prepared either way (I will just sell or donate stuff I do not use).

Also to add to matters I have low Papp-A which means I have growth scans to check on baby and there is a chance we might have a premmie... I have heard that you need to hand express and then breastfeed with a premmie as they cannot process formula (this might be the biggest BS ever, but adds to the feeling of being forced to breastfeed).

I am just really not sure what to decide!

To add to the excellent advice above, I think it's worth saying that BF isn't easy at first and a lot of people do struggle - I did, but am now still BFing my almost 2 year old DD.

I just mean for those saying 'see how you take to BF-ing' - it can take a bit of pain and perseverance. But if you get through that with support, then it's free, quick, easy, and so beneficial.

Find and use local support (midwives, breastfeeding cafes etc), but if it doesn't work out then formula is an amazing alternative that no one should feel guilty about using.

Formula feeding is amazing if you want to maintain equality in your relationship. It's the only way to do 50:50 parenting, which is much more important to us as a family than the very minor benefits of breastmilk.

user...85 that's ridiculous, I'm sorry. Does a baby do nothing but eat?

So offensive and absurd. You can be pro-FF but don't say if you BF then you're not parenting 50:50. That's bullshit I'm sorry but it makes me so angry to see something like that.

I BF for 16 months, 12 months while working, between me, my husband, and my child caregiver we all shared the load and frankly to suggest BF meant I was chained by my infant while DH played golf or something is just ignorant garbage.

@newbian how did you split the night feeds 50:50, especially in the early days?

You seem very angry newbian!

It's true, if you want to do thinks equally (especially the night feeds), then it's obviously false to say that this is possible with breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding mums tend to be a heck of a lot more tired than their partners, and a heck of a lot more tired than formula feeding mums.

Go ahead and breastfeed if you want, but it's a pure fantasy to suggest that you'll be living in an equal household.

OP, on that note, you'll come across a lot of very angry breastfeeders in your time. My advice is to look at the parents who are actually happy and coping well (and maintaing a good relationship!), and see what they're doing. Try to ignore the shouty ones...!

My husband and my family did EVERYTHING else. They cooked. Cleaned. Sorted out my older child. Shopped. Did the laundry. I only breastfed. By 4 months he was feeding for 10 mins 6-7 times a day. So just over an hour a day. Very hard to argue that this somehow means I was a) chained to him b) desperately tired c) unable to be an equal parent with DH.

Combination feeding is definitely possible. It will affect your milk supply if you do it from the start but that doesn't always mean that breastfeeding will end prematurely, and if it does, well, maybe it doesn't matter. That's your choice. If you do want to mixed feed and would prefer to continue for a long time, then it's worth reading all about how supply and demand works with breastfeeding so you're well prepared.

Expressing primarily for someone else or yourself to feed is possible but it's likely to be pretty exhausting and probably not worth the effort unless you really want to go with this option.

There is really no bf 'brigade' who wants to lynch anybody. A couple of outspoken idiots online with no empathy. Ignore them.

For me bf was the default position, formula was there if I was desperate. I struggled to bf my first, the first 2 weeks were very difficult, but there is a lot of support, some lovely ladies came to see me every day to help and eventually it became easy. I then ebf him until weaning and continued to bf until he was 2.4. With my second he bf like a dream immediately. There are many valid reasons, and not just physical ones, that formula might need to be considered, but a quick bit of research will show you they are not equal choices.

That sounds really good luchi!

Delighted it worked out for you. You're one of the people the OP should look at when thinking about couples who managed to do it well and not be too tired (how did you manage the night feeds?).

Just making the point that the happiest, calmest, most together couples I know all formula fed. You don't hear much from us, as we're just happily getting on with things and don't need constant support. We're also not as filled with rage, it seems.

Look, go ahead and breastfeed if you like. But it's objectively true that you won't be parenting equally. If that's something you're willing to accept, fine! Different families have different priorities/different ideas of feminism. Our idea of feminism is a 50:50 split, including the night feeds and the bonding that goes along with feeding. Different folks, different strokes.

picketfences when DH was on paternity leave and home from work he did 100% of everything except feeding. I didn't bathe DD until she was 2 months old and I barely changed a diaper.

As for night feeds I was lucky that DD went down to one feed per night around the time I went back to work, and with BF a night feed takes 10-15 min, no trip to the kitchen or warming a bottle, and then back into bed for both of us.

DH did night feeds when I traveled abroad for work.

For me bf was the default position, formula was there if I was desperate. I struggled to bf my first, the first 2 weeks were very difficult, but there is a lot of support, some lovely ladies came to see me every day to help and eventually it became easy. I then ebf him until weaning and continued to bf until he was 2.4. With my second he bf like a dream immediately. There are many valid reasons, and not just physical ones, that formula might need to be considered, but a quick bit of research will show you they are not equal choices.

Just making the point that the happiest, calmest, most together couples I know all formula fed.

And I can tell you stories about the exact opposite. It turns out couples are different and some are happy and some aren't, formula isn't magic that saves relationships

I have a colleague who switched to formula to get her DH to night feed, and she learned that he is more "traditional" than she thought and completely refused to do it. I have to listen to her wingeing about how he's off playing tennis leaving her to all the baby duties.

Some husbands are rubbish and some aren't. Nothing to do with the choice of infant food. I'm sorry.

Oops double post so sorry. We maintained equality in our relationship at this time by sharing the responsibilities according to our individual strengths and abilities, as we usually do.

'Feminism equals not breast feeding' is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on MN and that is saying something!

Yeah sorry I also don't agree that bf makes it impossible to do equal parenting! That's entirely down to your partner and how much effort they put in, bf or not. It's never going to be exactly 50/50 anyway. Things ebb and flow depending on situation, work, tiredness, health, baby's moods, etc. Feeding is a small part of this.

If your baby is born prematurely they can have formula but the benefits of breastmilk are much higher for preemies because they are so delicate to begin with. For a full term baby there are health benefits, but in a developed country like ours with all of the opportunities we have, whether they were bf or ff is unlikely to have a significant effect on their whole life. So while it's worth being aware it's also not an awful decision not to go for it, especially if it's causing you to struggle in other ways. The short term benifits of ff might outweigh the long term benefits of bf.

userblahblah
You seem very angry newbian!

Your comment made me angry, and I pretty clearly said so, so well done for picking that up.

I'm not in general angry but I think some people have an agenda to talk down BF by making claims like "well your DH won't be able to be an equal parent if you do it." There are pros and cons for any individual mother in her decision to BF but that's a really rude thing to say as a sweeping statement and it's also by the way incorrect.

healthland.time.com/2010/11/08/breast-feed-or-formula-feed-in-terms-of-sleep-its-a-wash/

"Having a baby is the equivalent of deciding that an uninterrupted night’s sleep is overrated. But mothers hoping to get a little more shut-eye by formula-feeding should put that notion to bed. It’s just not true, according to a new study in the December issue of Pediatrics published online Monday.

No matter whether moms breast-fed, formula-fed or did a combination of both, they got the same amount of sleep and considered themselves equally exhausted."

"Most new mothers have likely heard that formula-feeding — and maybe a touch of rice cereal, as my grandma insisted — will help their babies sleep longer. It’s true that formula takes babies longer to digest, while breast milk is processed more fully and quickly because of its composition. But even if bottle-fed babies are sleeping longer, their moms are not, say the researchers. (More on Time.com: Most Babies Sleep through the Night)

Miriam Labbok, director of the Carolina Global Breastfeeding Institute at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill calls the results a “helpful finding for the field.”

“The perception is that the breast-feeding mom is up day and night, always breast-feeding,” says Labbok. “But when you’re bottle-feeding, you’re up day and night always bottle-feeding, too.”"

I did the night feeds and promptly handed over to DH and went back to sleep. He did the winding, changing whatever. I also went back to full time work at 7 months. DH has always been an equal parent. Parenting for us goes well well beyond feeding in the first few weeks/months (DS1 is now 5, DS2 is feeding while DH does all the chores downstairs before we wake up DS1). DS2 though was v premature. For prem babies breastmilk is one of the few things protecting against NEC.
I also know plenty of really happy families where the mum exclusively breastfed. And where the Dads are more than equal parents. In that first year it is easy to get all consumed by the question of feeding. I probably did carry a heavier burden in the first 6 months but when I went back to work DH did all the cooking/shopping and nursery runs because I had the longer commute. So yes I fed. But I can't say I did more overall.

Also MN is chock full of mums complaining about useless husbands post partum and many many of those women are FF. Equal parenting requires a partner committed to equal parenting.

@user1498166085
What a load of bollocks.
If you seriously think that one method of feeding a baby is an example of a positive or negative relationship construct then you really have got your head stuck up your arse.

The role of a parent and concept of bonding is multi faceted and presents itself on many levels other than the biological or nutritional one during the relatively microcosmic period of infant feeding in that of the life of a child.

My husband doesn't bond or love his children any less than me or do less with them because I breastfeed. He still gets up in the night with them, dresses them, bathes them, helps them take their first tentative steps, soothes them when they re tired, teething, in pain or unwell.

Just because they spend a percentage of time attached to one of my breasts is irrelevant to him because he treats me with respect and also appreciates what I am doing.

I know and read about countless women who are at their wits end with formula fed babies who have cmpa allergies, eczema, constipation, chronic reflux, are in infant gaviscon: the list goes on. My children have hardly had a cold, none had reflux, all gained weight beautifully, don't have a single allergy. And I'm not filled with rage. I love breastfeeding them and quite frankly it's a cracking excuse to have to sit on your bottom and just drink them in as they take nourishment and exactly what they need.

Just go with the flow. My little one was jaundiced and wouldn't latch on to breast for more than 2 or 3 sucks at a time and started passing blood. A really good midwife said to my OH to go and buy formula and bottles because the most important thing was that she ate or she would be going back in to hospital. Luckily she took an ounce. Midwife told us to wake her every 2 hours to hive her another ounce (her blood sugar was dropping too) and then we just stuck with formula. Im 27 weeks now and bought a breast pump and bottles. Ready for whatever eventuality occurs. What I hadn't realised at that point is she would have latched on again had we tried. I was so brainwashed that bottles would cause confusion. This time round Im up for mix feeding. Maybe formula at night so daddy can help out and breast in the day(whenever my 2yo lets me sit down 😂) so really dont worry just go with it. As long as they are fed thats the important bit.

@hungrytillater
"We maintained equality in our relationship at this time by sharing the responsibilities according to our individual strengths and abilities, as we usually do."

Spot on.

LOL! OK! We have different ideas of equal. Yours seems to be "separate but equal", cool! Not for us. We're more of an "equal equal" family...do what you like! I think it's bullshit to say the bf mothers get as much rest as their partners/formula fed mothers.

As for the research, I'll post some papers when I get to work, but the vast majority of babies who sleep theough the night are formula fed. I'll post links later. Come on, look around you!

userblahblah how did you deliver your children, in your version of "equal equal?" Did your husband manage to carry one of them? Please share your secrets!

Newbian, no, unfortunately my husband couldn't do half the load of pregnancy. He can do have the load of feeding though, so he does! Basic feminism!