Why choose not to breastfeed?

[MissBax]

I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?
I'm not being a GF either before anyone offers me a biscuit 😉 just genuinely curious why someone would choose to bottle feed?

Cherries the evidence is there whether you choose to accept it or not.
www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/

I am considering formula now because I don't want to set myself up for feeling like a failure by having this rosy pumping plan that is just unrealistic. I can imagine myself panicking before I go back to work, having a meltdown cause I can't pump and have left myself with no alternatives.... That's another reason why I imagine some people give up before they have even started. "At least I can rely on formula, I know that's not going to fail"

Neoflex, I think you raise a very interesting point. FF allows parents, particularly mothers, to continue being proactive agents-in-charge of their own lives, whereas BF, in many ways, can feel like a very reflexive way of living.

It's true, one can't predict how straightforward (or not) our attempt at breastfeeding will be, and the not knowing, the lack of predictability and control can be very difficult to handle; we're just not used to the sensation! We can't control how often the baby will feed, or how long they'll take; we can't tell how much they've had, and so can't work out when they'll next need a feed.

FF, to a much greater degree than BF, allows one to (mostly) retain control over one's sleep, one's daily routine, one's employment, one's clothes, one's social life, etc etc. BF (and I speak as a long-term breastfeeder) can proscribe all these things quite severely! And in the 21st century, this is not what we're used to. I'd imagine that all these issues could play a part in the decision not to breastfeed, whether explicitly or subconsciously.

Sleep.

Bottle fed children sleep better. Formula is harder to digest so naturally they aren't as hungry as often etc.

Obviously that doesn't work with all children but with a lot, bottle feed and they sleep better.

Some people find it easy from the word go. However, in my experience, most people find it surprisingly difficult at the beginning, having not been told about the downsides. Some persevere. Some don't/can't get through that period.

Few women "can't" (as in, physiologically can't) breastfeed. That's correct, I'm sure.

However, what those who bang on about how only 1% or whatever can't, they fail to acknowledge that there are more reasons that people "can't" breastfeed than not producing any milk. Babies who are premature often can't latch. Babies with low birth weights often don't have the strength to suck. More women are having complications in childbirth these days, which makes it more difficult to bf. Babies with a poor latch can cause your nipples to be shredded to the point that you're bleeding all over your baby and each feed is agony. Bf babies are slower to out on weight, and then the HV starts guilting you about how you're "starving" your baby by not giving formula, and the HV comes out every week to patronise you about whether you're "remembering to feed the baby every 4 hours" when you're feeding him every 2 hours day and night, in tears from the pain and frustration.

Personally, I lost an enormous amount of blood when DS was born, and despite transfusions had a very low haemoglobin level and so my milk didn't properly come in for a month. It was purely that I am a stubborn fucker (usually to my detriment) and I wanted to prove a point to my cow of a health visitor (who as above, was fuck all use with any bf support, but full of judgement) that I kept going with BF and DS finally started to put weight on a month later. Was that a wise move on my part? Probably not.

Sorry (on the app ): my first paragraph above was actually a quote from neoflex up-thread.

Aye - I had a similar situation to yours.i ploughed on in years and with the fury of a guilty, stubborn mum. Really wish I hadn't and that I had been made to feel ok to stop and FF. Instead I got tons of referrals to bf groups that helped exactly nada.

In "tears", even.

Oh teat, I didn't mean to offend you at all, but it's certainly not simply a case of just accepting the "evidence that's out there".

UNICEF Need to be pro breastfeeding, strongly. Because in many developing countries breastfeeding poses a huge risk to infants in terms of ilness and malnutrition (think dirty water, diluted formula, no sterilisation methods).

It doesn't change the fact that large organisations around us are making these claims based on tenuous evidence that does support breastfeeding benefits, but not as much or as strongly as they would lead you to believe.

In a developed country with clean water supply, clean homes and plenty of resources to allow for sterilisation of feeds, and being able to afford formula so that mothers don't have to dilute formula milk down to make it last longer, the benefits of breastfeeding or should I say risks of formula feeding are much, much less apparent and necessary.

There is newer research emerging that when all of those confounding factors are removed, there is much, much less difference between formula fed and breastfed infants health and development outcomes. it is important to acknowledge this and be able to make this information accessible in this country because of our culture of maternal guilt around infant feeding.

In answer to the OP, I stopped BFing because I didn't like it, it was a chore, painful and all on me.

I wouldn't even attempt to exclusively BF again because the benefits are massively overstated IMO, especially beyond tiny infancy. Any studies can't take into account other socio-economic factors (they're never big enough) so can't be relied upon either.

For me, looking at a classroom full of children from preschool to sixth formers, there is no way of telling how they were fed milk as an infant that couldn't be attributed to many other factors - just by looking at them or their medical records!!

My common sense simply tells me that therefore, the difference is marginal to the mother and baby and having the ability to sleep for the mother is hugely beneficial.

I simply didn't want to breastfeed, so I didn't. I wanted my body back after nine months of pregnancy and was determined that I would get it.

Why I'm not breastfeeding:

• I tried for 3 days. I asked for help repeatedly and wasn't given it.
• He was taken off me on night one (admitted to special care). Nobody told me I could go down to feed him in the night. He was given formula by the special care nurses.
• The midwives missed how much blood I lost during delivery. I collapsed on day 3, it was only identified then and I was advised to have a blood transfusion. I've since been told that this would've massively impacted our chances of establishing breastfeeding.
• I had an awful pregnancy. On reflection, I think that my body had just had enough!
• I started to sob in anticipation of every feed. I tried expressing but that is even more exhausting- waking up an hour before each feed to pump. I wasn't enjoying DS and I could feel myself becoming anxious.

I actually don't think formula feeding was a 'choice' for me. It's certainly not something I did lightly. But I am totally confident that DS has a better mother now than I was when I was breastfeeding him.

"I work in healthcare and have just been on a breastfeeding workshop as part of my training. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for mother and baby anyway, but couldn't believe just how incredible it really was!
I was just wondering what people's reasons were for not breastfeeding? I'm not asking about health reasons or those who have suffered abuse etc. But just wondering why some women simply choose not to?"

Your whole first paragraph makes me suncefely hope that you are not a health professional who is supporting pregnant woman, as you seem unable to understand that some women just don't want to. Their bodies, their choice.

I think it's patronising to suggest (those that have) that people choose not to BF because they don't know the benefits of it. I'm sure most do.

I went into hospital with nothing against FF, but so convinced that I was going to BF.

Three days after the birth, I chose to FF and never looked back.

Why?

Because BF hurt. It was SO painful. And everyone for the first three days that saw me BF said I was a natural and was doing it exactly right, so if there was no way to improve then there was no way I could put up with it. I cried out of fear whenever my gorgeous DD started stirring in her sleep, knowing that she'd soon be awake and I'd need to BF her. I was so exhausted I could barely stay awake. I was in so much pain trying to BF. I was scared of my own child, at a time when all I wanted was to be able to enjoy her and feel happy to be with her. And she never seemed content.

Still, the decision wasn't easy. I sobbed so much. I thought I'd failed her. Then I fed her one bottle, and I enjoyed it. And for the first time, she seemed satisfied and content. And I wasn't scared of her any more. I looked forward to seeing her stir, knowing that I'd soon be able to hold her in my arms and feed her.

And she thrived. Really thrived. She grew very quickly, but wasn't 'fat' and is now an extremely healthy and active girl with many talents. So I had nothing to feel so guilty for.

From that day forward, I always said that there would be no question. If I had another baby, they'd be FF. We're not going to have another, but there would not even be any attempt for me to continue BF after those first colostrum feeds.

Suncefely=sincerely, strange autocorrect!

Adding to previous posts, I was also financially struggling at the time, so prescribed formula would have been a saviour in many ways. It would have been clearly a big benefit to mine and, through that, DSs health health. It would have also made me feel a lot less like a guilt ridden failure. We got the prescription later (from private paed DM paid for, as, 7 years on, we are still waiting on DS's NHS paed referral for infant reflux...), but that was due to DS reflux rather than my BF troubles and PND.

DS is 7 months and I've EBF. I wish I'd combination fed.

He won't take a bottle now, won't take a cup. I'll need to go back to work and I'm spending ages stressing us both out trying to get him to take something other than boob.

Also, sleep. He still wakes every 2 hours to feed. I don't make enough to express meaning I wake every 2 hours to feed him. No one else can take that slack from me. I'm tired. In the first few months he woke every 75 minutes to feed. I got NO sleep for weeks and weeks. His dad would take him while I tried to sleep but then he had to wake me so the baby could feed. I was literally getting 2 hours a night in 30 mins chunks.

In the first week I had something that meant I literally fell asleep when he latched, like he would latch and I would be asleep in seconds (apparently it's a hormone release thing) it's fine now but it was scary those days no one was around.

I was also awful at hiding my boob at first. I sat alone most of Xmas day trying to feed him so I didn't have to get my boobs out in front of his grandad. I spent a lot of time in cafe toilets trying to feed. I've now spent a lot of bloody money on bf clothes so I can confidently leave the house.

My best friend is getting married next month. I can't go to her whole day hen do as I'll need to feed the boy. DH is having the spend the day in a local hotel so i can be close enough to get back to feed. Which also means I can't drink at all because I'll have to drive to and fro. Equally, I'll have to leave the wedding (kids free wedding) to feed him throughout the day - again paying for extra accommodation so my mum can have him nearby so I can feed.

I'm permanently on hand for him. That's tiring sometimes. And I say this as someone with no PNd, no health problems and as someone insanely bonkersly in love with my child. Sometimes I'd like to go out for 4 hours and know he will feed. If I'd combination fed from birth he would - now he won't.

OP there are a million reasons a person wouldn't BF. You say you haven't negated maternal mental health but you have. The answer "I don't want to" essentially translates as "it would make me unhappy to" and that is the mental health aspect.

For the record (and I know I can't use my own sample blah blah blah) but the babies I know with infections, tummy trouble, reflux, bad sleep etc? All BF. The FF babies (of which I was one) have all been healthy and happy.

In answer to OP
Some women are not given the encouragement to get through the horrid bits. Too often it's insinuated still that a bottle will solve all.
Sometimes partners are unsupportive or downright abusive and demand the mum stops. X

In answer to OP
Some women are not given the encouragement to get through the horrid bits. Too often it's insinuated still that a bottle will solve all.
Sometimes partners are unsupportive or downright abusive and demand the mum stops. X

Just want to reassure you @blue2014 it does get better and my 2 yo was bf till 20 months/bottle refuser etc etc. She is so blinking independent now it drives me nuts. Her grandparents will arrive to take her somewhere and she'll leg it out the door with a half arsed goodbye.

Though I have to say it's tough af at times you do appreciate the breaks when they come.

Will be expressing and introducing a bottle this time though. Purely to have that option!

I have never breastfed.

I would love to have given it a try but I'm really self conscious and think I would panic around people (sad really).

Who knows could have a changed if heart when last baby arrives.

I didn't want to do I didn't. Happy mum happy baby and they are perfectly healthy and intelligent boys now so I don't believe it did them any harm.

The 2% is totally unable to. On top of that there are maybe 5% who struggle physically to produce enough milk. You see that with all mammals -some just don't produce enough or can't feed. In that sense, it's normal.

cherries the entire process of birth is sugar coated in my opinion. And that does women a terrible disservice. They're told bf is easy, they're told that with good breathing they can push out a baby, then when almost half of first timers have issues they feel like failures. The gap between expectations and reality is too big. It doesn't let women make informed choices

I got really annoyed with my antenatal classes for doing this. It does women NO good at all not to have accurate, dispassionate data. What women need to be told is the reality. That bf can hurt, and if you want to continue here's a source of decent support. That the following complications are common during birth and this is how we handle them. I think that would leave far fewer women feeling like abject failures when they can't pop their baby out in two breaths to whale music and find bf ing relentless and hard.

As I said, I bfd mine until 18 m but because I wanted to (actually the little sod was a hardcore boob addict)

Anatidae: Agree completely. After antenatal classes I had virtually 0 knowledge of sections. Then I had to have an unplanned one. Felt completely at sea.

I chose to bottle feed. Because when I had my 1st 16 years ago it wasn't really a thing.
Most people I knew bottle fed. I didn't really understand the benefits bf. It was never really explained to me by mw.
The books I read the pros and cons of breast vs bottle was more about practicality than health reasons.
When I had my second 6 years ago. I did understand a bit more that "breast is best"
But still mw never talked to me about it.
I already felt I was somehow being unfaithful to pfb by having another baby.
I guess I would have guilty if I bf one and not the other.
Dd1 was brilliant with a bottle. No problems what so ever.
Dd2 was a suckler. Really got comfort from continuing to suck the teat after a feed which obviously would have left her sucking air so we couldn't let her continue to suck. She would often get distressed when we took it away from her.
She had terrible reflux and constipation too. I really regret not bf her. However there both perfectly healthy now. Good diets, weights and since weaning had good regular bowls. Both hardly ever ill and above average in school so no lasting effects.
If I was ever to have another I would definitely breast feed

The very thought of it repulsed me and if ff hadn't been invented I wouldn't have had dc.
No idea why, no hang ups about my boobs, no history of abuse it just grosses me out.
I fully realise it is totally natural and NOT gross in any way but for some reason to me it's just really icky- I know I've got ishoos!!