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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Getting married at 35 weeks - the debate to change name for the baby...

64 replies

Jellybabie3 · 02/06/2017 11:58

So i have been forever adamant about not to change my surname (albeit a wedding was not planned). Now we have planned to get married when i am 35 weeks preg and first question from soon to be in laws is about changing name for our baby....i am in a pickle as my gut says i dont want to..partner is happy either way but notes 'it would be easier'. Any thoughts please?

OP posts:

oleoleoleole · 02/06/2017 11:59

Give baby one forename and both last names. Keeps everyone happy. Good luck.

FlyingCat · 02/06/2017 12:01

I have a different surname from my children, I kept my own name, they have their dads. We are married.
I've bet had the slightest difficulty with this. It's extremely common nowadays. Just don't be offended when people will inevitably make mistakes!

milkmoustache · 02/06/2017 12:01

'it would be easier...', yes, it would get your future in-laws off your back, and your partner's, but why the hell should you placate them?? It's 2017! Stick to your guns.

Picklepickle123 · 02/06/2017 12:02

Do what makes you happy! I'm sure the ILs will turn up with lots of ideas over time of what is best, some you may accept and others not. I didn't change my name, but I'm happy for our DC to have DH's surname. Some people choice to double-barrel...the options are not limited to what may have been done in the past. Remember it's your life!! Xx

53rdWay · 02/06/2017 12:03

If you don't want to change your name, don't. Your baby will not remotely mind!

If your partner feels like it would be easier for you all to have the same name, though, you could suggest he changes his to yours?

EspressoPatronum · 02/06/2017 12:04

My ds has my surname as a second middle name, df and I are getting married next march and I plan on keeping my name.

soapboxqueen · 02/06/2017 12:09

I'd tell your stbh to take your name. Then it would be easier for everyone.

HappyAsASandboy · 02/06/2017 12:09

Have just decided what surname the baby will have yet?

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/06/2017 12:10

Thanks! I think by 'easier' he means holidays etc but fat chance he will change to mine. Thanks for support all, been bothering me all night

OP posts:

HappyAsASandboy · 02/06/2017 12:11

The best system I have seen was a couple who both changed their names to a double-barrel of both names I.e they both became Smith-Jones. It followed that the children then became Smith-Jones too and everyone has the same name

stitchglitched · 02/06/2017 12:12

Keep your name. Give baby your surname or double barrel.

squoosh · 02/06/2017 12:14

i am in a pickle as my gut says i dont want to

Listen to your gut and give baby both surnames.

squoosh · 02/06/2017 12:15

fat chance he will change to mine

Exactly. Few men have to gut wrangle with this issue, it's generally a flat out incredulous laugh if anyone even suggested they change their name.

53rdWay · 02/06/2017 12:23

I kept my name, DC got husband's name. The only trouble I have ever had with it is relatives being mildly weird. Holidays, paperwork, doctors, nursery, etc - no problem at all.

milkmoustache · 02/06/2017 12:26

I didn't change my name, my DC's have my husband's name, which is a compromise I am happy with - I had the final say on DD's first name.
The only time it has been an issue is when I took the kids abroad without DH, and passport control questioned it - next time I will need a letter signed by DH to say he is aware I'm taking them away. I was deeply unimpressed, kids were baffled, but honestly that is the only time it has been an issue.
It is not your in-laws' business! I would be tempted to casually mention that your future DH has discussed changing to your name... Just to put the cat among the pigeons...

newbian · 02/06/2017 12:32

milkmoustache from immigration's perspective, how do they know the relationship between you and the children you're traveling with if you don't have the same name? Kidnapping does happen. And imagine families that are mixed race (like mine) and having to guess that the woman is the parent.

I wish children's passports had the name of their parents inside. Would make life easier for everyone.

OP don't change if you don't want to by the way!

soapboxqueen · 02/06/2017 12:35

Happy that's what dh and I did. I said I wasn't taking his name. Husband said that if we had children he wanted us to all have the same name. I told him to find a solution. His solution was for everyone to double barrel. So that's what we did.

milkmoustache · 02/06/2017 12:36

newbian - I was particularly annoyed because I was asked about the children when we were coming back into the country, so it made no sense to me. I wish that they would return to their previous practice of recording children on the parental passport, it would avoid the situation I experienced.

ArgyMargy · 02/06/2017 12:47

So when all these children with double barrels get married to each other, what name will their children have? A quadruple barrel? I've been wondering about this for a while and might actually start a thread about it..

squoosh · 02/06/2017 12:48

Really? You haven't seen that same question asked a hundred times on MN?

Really?

squoosh · 02/06/2017 12:49

It's amazing to me that some people are so completely lacking in imagination that they can't see any other outcome but quadruple barrel names.

JassyRadlett · 02/06/2017 12:50

A quadruple barrel? I've been wondering about this for a while and might actually start a thread about it..

You could read the dozens there have been on this subject.

Ask the Spanish, or any other cultures where double barrelling is the norm....

Original poster

Jellybabie3 · 02/06/2017 12:55

Just to be clear DS will have OHs surname. Double barrel would be quite a mouthful and bleeding difficult for DS to spell for a while (without me posting what it is). Maybe i could do the second middle name thing. Then it would also feature on passport

OP posts:

Twinnypops · 02/06/2017 12:56

If you don't want to change it then don't change it. I was adamant that I didn't want to change mine, but my husband wanted us to have the same name so he changed his.

squirre1 · 02/06/2017 12:56

Give the baby your surname.

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