Recently found out I'm pregnant and DP has gone awfully quiet.

[Fifteenyearslater]

DP and I have been together for just shy of 4 years. We got pregnant shortly after meeting but decided to have a termination as we'd only just met. Something we both say we now regret doing.

Just found out last week that I'm pregnant after about 4 months of actively trying to conceive. It's very early days and DP is a very measured and realistic guy so I'm not sure if his lack of excitement / enthusiasm is because he knows it's still early days or because he isn't sure how he feels about it all.

He is generally a very quiet guy but he is now gone even more quiet!

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their DPs?

I think men don't view pregnancy the same way as us. They have none of the hormones and physical changes that prove that you're pregnant, it doesn't feel real for them until you start to show and they get to feel baby kicking. There's also the weight of responsibility, which can be quite daunting if this is his first child. When I showed my husband the positive pregnancy test when we were trying to conceive our first, I'm pretty sure I can remember being a little hurt at his lack of enthusiasm as well. But the more pregnant I got, I would catch him looking at me and you could practically see the wheels turning! Like, it was only just sinking in. Give him a bit time and if you're still worrying about it in a couple of months, bring it up with him. Congratulations btw!

Agree with above, it wasnt until I started to show that my husband started to respond at all!! In fact the first trimester as I was so ill and tired it kind of drove us apart a little bit and I think he felt abit abandoned! But now hes felt a kick or two and im showing hes obviously excited. He too is a quiet logical type x

Thanks both. That's reassuring to know that your partners reacted similarly.

I know he wants a baby. We were actively trying! He is 35 and this will be his first. I'm 32 and already have a daughter from a previous relationship. Maybe I need to think a bit more about what it was like for me when I first found out I was going to become a mum.

But you know I can't help thinking he could at least pretend for my sake. Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

Its totally different for the men I think, we have our little babies growing inside our bodies and we have a lot more of a connection to them, whereas the men cant feel what we do.

My husband doesn't really get excited or talk about things until after the 12 week scan and even more so once my bump is growing, I think before these milestones the pregnancy doesn't seem real to them.

It could be that he's in a bit of shock too. I'd just try talk to him about it, he might surprise you.

Agree with other posts. My OH was very quiet when i found out and i did worry too. I was straight off chatting about baby etc up until 12 week scan with little reaction tbh but the minute we had the scan the baby became his while world. I think he is enjoying the pregnancy more than me!!

My DH didn't engage at all, right through the pregnancy. Didn't read a book, nada. He did decorate the nursery with me and things, but no feeling my bump etc. He's been a good dad, though. Great with babies and toddlers. And ours are 21, 16 now.

Mine started getting more interested and excited after the 12 week scan. It became real for him! But I asked him to read with me every week a couple of webpages that describe how big the baby is during that week of pregnany, how your body is changing etc. I think that helped me get more involved gradually, especially since some times there were tips for dads.

Mine didn't take much interest until baby was actually born. It doesn't sink in for some men until the baby is in their arms!

How far along are you? Maybe he is just cautious? I was very low key about my pregnancies until they were quite far along.

Same as haveacupoftea. My DH didn't really get it till the baby arrived! I'm now pregnant with second and it's like he can't even remember my first pregnancy, 'why are you tired?' 'Erm because i'm growing a human inside me!!!'

@Hdgshsksk I only found out last week so I am very very early. 4 weeks and 3 days I think.

I think he is a realist as well and he appreciates the chance of miscarriage is high at this stage and that until we've had the first scan we cannot be sure that all is ok.

Ah so it's still very new. Give the poor chap some time to digest it. Once reality hits i'm sure he will be fine. Congratulations x

Yes. OH barely spoke for 2 weeks and we were actively trying. I think partially because it takes a while to sink in and it is so life changing.
We went on holiday at 7-8 weeks and spoke loads then, being away from home and work pressures made it easier. He gradually relaxed from telling our families, the 12 week scan, announcing to work and friends but meeting other dads at the NCT classes helped the most.

I only found out last week so I am very very early. 4 weeks and 3 days I think

Well that totally explains it then. We sort of ignored my pregnancies until I was more than 12 weeks. I know everyone is different but I liked to wait until there was less chance of miscarriage.

I'm 9 weeks, boyfriend has told me he's not thinking of it as real until the scan. He's not someone who really can visualise or conceive of something until it happens, so it's not unexpected. He has said it doesn't feel real yet. I'm not upset by that at all, it doesn't feel real to me quite either.

He was a bit freaked out at first, and I tried to encourage him to maybe discuss with his best mate who has a kid. But he's been very firm that no confirming apart from very immediate family until 12 weeks. I spilled the beans really early to my parents, I needed to tell someone and figured I'd tell them if things didn't work out so no harm done. He's told his mum - more to manage her response - but not his dad.

I am expecting it will only become real for him when baby is actually here. I don't expect him to pretend, he's got his own process to go through!