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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

why do people think it's ok to ask rude questions about your pregnancy?!

53 replies

PregnantGrrrl · 16/03/2007 13:13

I've told work that i am expecting, having gone back on Monday after maternity leave

I have lost count of the number of people who have thought it perfectly reasonable to ask me (or even assume) that it was unplanned. If one more person says 'was it an accident then?', i will scream!

aside from the fact it was planned, what do they want me to say? 'oh yes, totally unwanted, we're really gutted'

i might get a maternity Tshirt made that just says 'No, it wasn't an accidnet!'

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Danielle3 · 16/03/2007 13:20

i have 3 DD's, i lost count of the amount of times people said when i was having my third, 'i bet you want a boy' or ' i bet you'll be gutted if it is another girl'....the thing was i really wanted another girl!!!...worst of all my auntie said i was just saying that, trying to convince myself so was wasn't disappionted if it was a girl. How rude!

BabyMadwithBump · 16/03/2007 13:20

My two boys wasn't planned at all but I said to people it was a "happy accident!" they soon shut up!
This LO tuck us 18 months TC so when they ask I state the fact LO was 3yrs in the Planning!

Original poster
PregnantGrrrl · 16/03/2007 13:22

i've had that too- 'i suppose you want a girl then?' (i have a DS) FFS!

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BabyMadwithBump · 16/03/2007 13:24

I'm so sick of that too, because I'm one of ten (on telly on monday mother milking the fact, "ten kids and counting" shame) me, my eight brother's than my 4 yr old little sister, people ask me if I'm going to be like my mother keep trying till I get my own little girl "NOT A CHANCE" this is my last and I'm going to be so happy weather LO is a girl or boy!

RedTartanLass · 16/03/2007 13:26

I know it's strange with the British reserve we can still ask things like "Was it planned". I mean how personal can you get?

In all honesty would you have asked a colleague/friend if the positions were reversed? Maybe people just want to know that you're OK?

Be interesting to hear what other posters think.

fryalot · 16/03/2007 13:29

When I was pg with dd1 (now 13) there was a maternity tee shirt for sale in Mothercare. On the front it said:

"yes it was planned,
yes he's happy about it,
we don't care if it's a girl or a boy as long as it's healthy,
yes, I know I'm big,
yes, grannies looking forward to it as well
NO YOU MAY NOT TOUCH"

Which I have regretted not buying ever since.

fryalot · 16/03/2007 13:30

Also, when I was expecting dd2, somebody had the nerve to ask me if dp was the father.... "only you can't be too sure when people aren't married!" The fact that we had been together for years and had never known this person as single individuals didn't seem to matter

BabyMadwithBump · 16/03/2007 13:30

I would never ask myself, unless they look like they need someone to talk too, or seem upset about the PG!

Cashncarry · 16/03/2007 13:31

TBH PregnantGrrl I think I might be guilty of asking that kind of stupid question in those circumstances. I think sometimes people just feel stuck for something to say and just say the first thing that comes into their head!

Don't take it personally - they're probably walking away slapping their foreheads Homer Simpson style thinking "Why did I say that??"

Danielle3 · 16/03/2007 13:31

what a great t-shirt!!...my partner and i are soon to be trying for no.4, that would be perfect for me!!!

Cashncarry · 16/03/2007 13:32

Just to clarify, I have never asked a pregnant woman if her DP is the father

BabyMadwithBump · 16/03/2007 13:34

squonk "NO WAY" I would never ask that, what a peronal question to ask, bloody hell!

Danielle3 · 16/03/2007 13:34

i'm sorry but i have been guilty of that but for my defence the last time i had spoken to the girl they had broken up.

Creena · 16/03/2007 13:42

This phenomenon of "you can say whatever you like to a pregnant lady!" never ceases to amaze me.

There's a large age gap between my children and the baby I'm currently expecting; by the time it is born, DD will be 16 and DS will be 10. When people realise this, they always, always respond with "Oh. Not planned then?" It irks me that I then have to justify myself by explaining that actually, it was planned and we're really grateful and fortunate to have conceived.

Even my midwife was at it at my booking in appointment! After we'd had the exchange detailed above, she then went on to ask "Right. Is it a new relationship, then?" AGH! No, it's bloody not!

BabyMadwithBump · 16/03/2007 13:45

My MIL make t-shirt's with righting on, I'll ask her to make me one saying "Mined the bump" for when I'm on the bus and one Saying "yes it was planed and No I don't care what flavour I have" plus "Coming to a hospital near you" LOL!

frumpygrumpy · 16/03/2007 13:55

Try saying it wasn't planned, you are just incredibly horny all the time ......watch 'em run......

conkertree · 16/03/2007 14:03

so wish i'd said something like that when i told the practice manager at work and she asked me that - it was the same when i had lunch with some other female solicitors. all were really please for me apart from the youngest one (closest to my age) who asked how i felt about just having qualified and then becoming pregnant and was quite horrified at what i was doing to my career.

i quietly explained to her that it was planned and that strangely enough my career wasnt the most important thing in my life, but she really didnt seem to believe me, and i'm sure she feels very sorry for me.

fryalot · 16/03/2007 14:11

When pg with dd1, my husband left me for another woman, and I have to admit to taking it out on the poor people who asked stupid questions: eg:-
Is your husband happy about it? Don't think so, he's shagging someone else now
and: Will daddy be there at the birth? Only if his girlfriend gives him permission

Well, they did ask.

auntymandy · 16/03/2007 14:14

if you get a tshirt done I will buy one!!!
I am expecting no 6...was it a suprise? No I knew exactly what I was doing!! Wasnt shocked suprised at all.

fryalot · 16/03/2007 14:17

well by the time you're at number 6, you should have figured out how it happens! lol

auntymandy · 16/03/2007 14:20

even yhe dr at hospital asked me if I had thought of contreception!

lemonaid · 16/03/2007 14:26

The two best responses I've seen to this question have been

"So, what you're asking is what we were doing in bed and how we were doing it...?"

or (and this one is actually useful in a whole host of circumstances)

"Why do you ask?"

fryalot · 16/03/2007 14:38

"Why do you ask"

Perfect.

Cashncarry · 16/03/2007 14:40

Squonk - your ex sounds like a twat

PMSL at your comments though

Original poster
PregnantGrrrl · 16/03/2007 14:44

it doesn't get any better after you have them either though, does it? a total stranger at a bus stop once asked me if was breastfeeding DS

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