Feeling like I'm going to be a rubbish mum

[Lauraw1989]

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and today at work a lady brought her new baby in. I offered to have a hold and I was terrible at it quite worrying really.

All the other ladies had to jump in to help support the baby because I wasn't doing it right. I felt like such an idiot and I just wanted to cry the one girl said I have never held a baby before this is my first time and everyone said how well she did.

Please don't tell me I'm the only one this has happened to?

Ha ha, no, you're fine. I remember sitting up in bed feeding my 2 day old baby and trying to read the mumsnet book of babies at the same time to fine out how I was supposed to do all this stuff. And I'd been to antenatal classes, 2 lots of them.

We're all new at it and all rubbish in some ways! As a mum you learn because you have to and find your own way. You will be fine.

BTW I still hate holding other people's babies - the responsibility! My LO was the first child I held for any length of time and the first nappy I changed. I was clueless!

I've already had a baby and I'm still crap st holding other people's babies! It's different when it's your own. You're more confident.

It won't make you a rubbish mum honestly I'm 27 weeks with dc7 and at least once when each as was little someone has reminded me about supporting the head.

Holding and supporting a baby will come to you especially when your dc is born. I've had friends who their own dc was the first baby they held and by the time I met dc when they were around a week old they had the hang of it .

I did feel really nervous everyone was watching me (I don't think that helped) I hope when the Midwife passes me my baby for the first time I will do better

Honestly, not knowing how to hold a newborn is nothing and has no bearing on what kind of mother you're going to be. You won't not know how to hold your baby when it comes along.

I suspect right now you're full of hormones and this tiny thing feels huge, but it really doesn't matter.

Newborn babies are weird floppy little things! You do get the hang of it don't worryone thing I was told is just not to panic because as long as you're sensible and keep their head relatively supported (some have pretty good head control from birth/very early on) they're very difficult to break

When I first held my baby I was stiff as a board because I didn't know how to hold a baby so I was trying to keep her in the same position she was handed to me!
It took me and my DP like five mins to hand her to each other, I think it's normal but you gain confidence quickly.

When I was handed my baby for the first time (through my legs, by the midwife who had just caught him) my grip slipped right off and the midwife had to catch him again. (Naked, boxfresh newborns are slippery fuckers.)

You'll be fine. Nobody has a clue what to do with their first baby. I was fucking petrified. You'll learn by doing, like everyone, and the good news is that you have to repeat everything 9,999 times so within 2 weeks you're an old pro.

Laura please don't worry about this.

We have twins. My whole pregnancy people made comments about the fact that we'd never changed a nappy or bathed a baby etc etc and how would we cope with two babies as we'd never done this stuff.

It's nonesense

They will show you how to hold the baby, how to change nappies and how to bath the baby in hospital.

None of it is rocket science.

By the end of the first hour with your baby you'll be holding him or her like a pro.

You'll feel so much more confident with your own baby.

It will all be fine, I promise.

Oh honestly, don't worry yourself. I've had 2 DC and about to have a 3rd, yet holding other peoples babies i feel clueless-like i might drop them or break their neck. You will be totally capable with your own, other peoples just make us a bit nervous. My DH refuses to hold other peoples for this reason!

I remember sitting in the hospital with my DD the night she was born, the MW had latched her on to me to feed (I was finding it difficult to move as had section few hors previously... I buzzed the MW to ask how to move her from obe side to the other.. I was so clueless! I look back at it and find it funny though. Dont worry - not everyone is a natural bit you get plenty practise - and oractise makes perfect. Enjoy your pregnancy

Awww ❤️ you are gonna be just fine! I always feel like I'm going to drop other people's babies lol but with your own it's completely different! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

You'll be fine, please don't worry. It sounds like a stressful environment to hold a colleague's baby in an office with others watching. My DH was terrified about holding our nephew and so the first time we did we made it low key, I passed him over both sat on the sofa so he had nowhere to fall if that makes sense? Honestly everyone starts out not knowing what to do and we all pick it up along the way.

Does your NHS offer antenatal classes? It might help you to feel more confident before your baby comes?

Thank you everyone so far for your replies you have made me feel less of an idiot

I have been sat at work all afternoon thinking everyone thinks I'm going to be an awful Mum

Don't worry,

You'll be the best mummy .

It's instinctive and the bond you'll have with your child will mean you're all she will need.

Oh dont worry honestly. I am one of the eldest in a large family so have a lot of practice changing nappies, holding, bathing and keeping them alive in general. However, I am weirdly nervous about my own. My DH has had no experience coming from a small family and is similarly worries. I think/hope it feels a bit different with your own. I second antenatal classes. Ours start next month and I reckon we'll both feel better after. I am sure you are going to be a great mum!

How and when did you book your antenatal classes?

Aw don't worry. I actually have a baby (well toddler now) and I still get in a pickle holding new babies! As a general rule, as long as you don't drop them you're doing great!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm sure you'll be a super mama!

My antenatal classes are NHS ones- they have certain dates and I rang up about march for dates in may.

I'm pregnant with my third and last week I held a 5 month old baby and it felt like it was the first time. I felt unsure and a bit uncomfortable and didn't feel confident that I knew what to do when he started to cry.
It was a bit odd and I felt a bit useless but I know I felt similar before my 2nd was due, it felt like the first time again. But once she was here it all clicked into place, it's different when it's your own, for me at least.

You'll be fine - within minutes of the birth you'll be a total pro. Everything is new to start with and before you know it you'll be changing nappies in your sleep (literally) and doing everything one handed with your baby on the other arm.