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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Comments from mil about my pregnant body

55 replies

user1485778793 · 23/04/2017 18:57

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and went to a family celebration last weekend with the in laws. I'd been in their car 2 minutes before I'd been insulted twice by my mil about my body. My baby has a severe heart defect and I'm already feeling bad that I haven't been able to produce a 'perfectly' healthy baby. I can't deal with her. She has been crying constantly since we found out about the babys heart, even though my and my partner have come to terms with it and are now enjoying this little baby. She announced to everyone at the event that I was defiantly stacking weight on....I've actually only put a few pounds on, only my tummy, every where else is same as before.

I'm not sure whether to confront her or just ignore. She is an exceptionally controlling woman anyway. Sil says she won't change. My mother is mortified at how rude she is. I'm not a confrontational person but I'm so upset. I saw her the following day and couldn't bare to look at her.

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ChickenBhuna · 23/04/2017 19:00

Was your partner there to hear this?

Thinkingblonde · 23/04/2017 19:01

Tell her to keep her body shaming comments to herself. Or if you are too polite to say it yourself get DH to do it for you.
Rude woman.

fuzzywuzzy · 23/04/2017 19:02

I'd stop seeing her frankly.

What a horrible witch of a woman making it all about her.

Good luck with your baby, my cousins baby was born with a heart defect so was my best friends and a work colleagues. Their babies all needed ops very soon after birth but the children have all grown up strong and healthy and are in their teens now.

CuppaTeaTeddy · 23/04/2017 19:03

Tell her to piss off. She sounds horrible. Try not to see her very much from now on? She might be a bit nicer if you're not around as much.

ImperialBlether · 23/04/2017 19:03

I'm so sorry about your baby's heart and hope the doctors will be able to work wonders on him/her.

I think for your own mental health (and therefore physical health) you should keep away from her. There's no reason why you should be with such a spiteful woman.

EweAreHere · 23/04/2017 19:09

Why hasn't your DH told her to put a sock in it?

I hope your baby is being monitored and will be well looked after when born. It's amazing what medicine can do now. xx

Disastronaut · 23/04/2017 19:10

Yeah, keep away from her, for the duration of your pregnancy at least. You've got enough to think about without her crap. Hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy.

Crumbs1 · 23/04/2017 19:11

A simple "Are you intending to be offensive?" usually does the trick.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 23/04/2017 19:13

Avoid her because it is causing you stress!

What is the care package for you and your baby?

befuddledgardener · 23/04/2017 19:14

don't see her for ages each time she's rude

Hollyhop17 · 23/04/2017 19:18

Where an earth is your DH?! I'd be asking him to have a stern word, she sounds awful.

I am sure your baby will get excellent care and be just fine. Best of luck.

ememem84 · 23/04/2017 19:22

My mil has said things about me being pregnant. Things which come across in one way as being kind and caring and the other as most def not. Things like "oh she'll struggle with her weight now, she was always so skinny" "oh wont it be a shame when you have to go up a dress size" etc.

Dh has pointed out to her that no I won't struggle with it and no it's not a shame. Y

MamaHanji · 23/04/2017 19:24

My toddler goes into a short time out when she is being rude and misbehaving.

I'd try this approach with the nasty old bag. Except longer than 1-2 minutes.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and for dealing with the news so well.

Silverthorn · 23/04/2017 19:33

My uncle is in his 50s and was born with a hole in his heart. This is a very commonplace procedure these days so try to stay positive.
Mil on the other hand sounds like a treat. I would start distancing yourself from her or establishing boundaries otherwise she'll be a PITA when baby is born.

Original poster

user1485778793 · 23/04/2017 19:46

Thanks for replies. We're supposed to be going away with them next weekend but I'm going to tell my partner it's causing too much stress so I'm not going. He says she's a very loving family orientated person, but I don't see it. I know she loves her family but she's a dictator and rude. She decided the sex of our baby was a secret and didn't want to know when we found out...she was pissed off when my mum knew and posted it on FB....I wasn't going to put my miles controls over anyone else

Baby will need a 3 stage open heart procedure when he's born. Hopefully he will be fit enough for the procedure to be carried out. If not it will be comfort care which we don't really want.

OP posts:

Montsti · 23/04/2017 20:06

I'm sorry to hear about your baby boy..but praying for a successful op when he's born.

You're dining the right thing avoiding seeing your mil - unnecessary stress in you and baby...

Mils can be a nightmare! I remember as I sat struggling to bf DS (my 1st child) when he was a week old and conscious that I still had a good 3 stone to lose and clearly not 100% and VERY stressed, mil piped up and told me how she prided herself on losing all her pregnancy weight and fitting into her pre-pregnancy clothes when she left the hospital after all 3 of her babies!! Bitch!!

Original poster

user1485778793 · 23/04/2017 20:38

Why are there so many mil's in particular that are so mean? Are they showing off or something?

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LookImAHooman · 23/04/2017 20:51

Can't help you on that one. Mine's probably clinically batshit, no exaggeration just evil with it to boot. Something about another woman taking their boy away? Anyway - actually came here to say stay away from the loon and am crossing everything for your baby boy

DirtyDancing · 23/04/2017 21:01

Sorry to hear about your babies heart defect, but huge well done for getting your head around this. You are going to be an amazing mum I am sure. It might be your MIL is still coming to terms with this, and everyone handles things differently. Honestly, I think some Grandparents love this grandchildren more than their children!! I'm sure my mum does she is obsessed with my DS

If you MIL has said something, public, about your body that has upset you, then your partner needs to speak to her about it. My DH and I have a rule he deals with his mum, I deal with mine. We are lucky we have fairly good Mums.. but sometimes issues crop up. It's worked for us so far for 13 years.

Original poster

user1485778793 · 23/04/2017 21:45

We've talked. I'm not going away. He's going to explain why if they ask, he's still going which I don't mind tbh. He's going to tell her not to say anything if she can't say anything nice. He got the message when I told him I'd had to go on anti depressants which I've been on before but I've started taking them again because of feeling anxious recently

OP posts:

CuppaTeaTeddy · 23/04/2017 22:16

Glad you've been able to talk about it and he understands. Just ignore whatever she says. She doesn't seem like a good person to be around. You've got a lot to deal with without people being horrible about you and your family. I hope everything is okay xx

Original poster

user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 00:37

I'm beginning to worry about birth..I know that's normal, this is my first baby so I want as few negative people about as possible.

It's caused a bit of friction between me and my partner. She obviously has an issue with me. But I'm not backing down, I don't need her, but I fully support their relationship, not that she has been of any support whatsoever to him since we had the heart defect detected, his parents don't acknowledge it or speak of it, they just cry.

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newbian · 24/04/2017 01:46

I have maybe 2-3 mum friends who don't have line-crossing MILs. In all cases (including my own) she was fairly normal until we had a child and then she became emotional, jealous, etc. I almost feel like there should be therapy offered to mothers of sons to prepare them for becoming a grandmother. Because it really seems like a switch is flipped and they lose all sense of what is appropriate in how to deal with their DIL.

Stay away from her and draw lines in the sand NOW. I had to and glad I did, there were tears and shouting but now I don't get bullied anymore. Your child and your life, she is not going to control it.

HorridHenryrule · 24/04/2017 01:55

User do you have your parents close by for support while he's away with mummy.

Original poster

user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 09:30

Yes, my mum is only about 20 mins away.

Just had a scan, they are concerned about cord pressure so coming back in a week.

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