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Original poster

Comments from mil about my pregnant body

55 replies

user1485778793 · 23/04/2017 18:57

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and went to a family celebration last weekend with the in laws. I'd been in their car 2 minutes before I'd been insulted twice by my mil about my body. My baby has a severe heart defect and I'm already feeling bad that I haven't been able to produce a 'perfectly' healthy baby. I can't deal with her. She has been crying constantly since we found out about the babys heart, even though my and my partner have come to terms with it and are now enjoying this little baby. She announced to everyone at the event that I was defiantly stacking weight on....I've actually only put a few pounds on, only my tummy, every where else is same as before.

I'm not sure whether to confront her or just ignore. She is an exceptionally controlling woman anyway. Sil says she won't change. My mother is mortified at how rude she is. I'm not a confrontational person but I'm so upset. I saw her the following day and couldn't bare to look at her.

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Original poster
user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 11:46

I deleted her off whatsapp last night, she's harassing husband by text at work to find out why....if only people would think about the crap that comes out of their own mouths.

He's asked what I want him to say.....'too many body shaming comments to the point of anxiety'

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 24/04/2017 11:58

Tell him to deal with it you have enough going on. Tell him it's unnecessary stress you need. Why is he going have you told him about what they found. Isn't he worried about you at least you have your parents close by. Tell him to tell her don't get excited the excitement would get on my nerves.

chocolateisnecessary · 24/04/2017 12:02

My dad body shaped me throughout and I have a history of eating disorders and then my MIL started...
People go odd with pregnancy and the first baby etc.
It's unacceptable.
Two things really - one woman pointed at me when I was pregnant and told her child I was magic, growing a baby. That bit of kindness got me through. You ARE magic!
And the second - heart problem or not, your kid will be perfect. If she can't see that she's a numpty. Keep her at arm's length and don't let her ruin it.
Good luck.

User2468 · 24/04/2017 12:38

I'd hit her with sarcasm.
A flat "we've both put on a few pounds Jean but at least I'm pregnant" should do it. Make sure you wink and smile, maybe touch her arm in a reassuring but patronising way.

Original poster
user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 14:11

She's messaging me now telling me I should have said if 'they' had upset me.... they haven't, it's just her. I haven't responded. I don't want to get into a discussion with her. She's an exceptionally bossy woman and I'm not confrontational at all, she frightens me and shouts a lot.

This is their 3rd grand child, husbands brother has 2 kids. They are lucky...they live 200 miles away. Husband wants to move to new Zealand, I'm so tempted lol.

OP posts:
Azalea96 · 24/04/2017 14:45

OP she sounds like she has no filter. I was on the receiving end of comments from MIL when pregnant. There were health issues and I was so upset by her comments my lovely GP advised me to stay away from her whilst pregnant. I told her that I was resting on the advice of my GP.. I used to say hello and then retired to my bedroom whenever she called to my home. I never got into any arguments with her as she had no filter at 50 and wasn't going to change. But she was mad about the baby after the birth. She was a difficult MIL but a lovely Granny. I would advise that you stay away from her and look after yourself

Thinkingblonde · 24/04/2017 16:53

I'd reply, "Yes you did upset me, I am not 'packing it on' as you so charmingly put it. I am gaining weight as per guidelines for a healthy pregnancy."
But I am an old biddy and have the option if you can't say anything nice be prepared to get a gob full in return.

Original poster
user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 22:39

Her responses...

You should have said we'd upset you.
I'm sorry you don't want to be part of our family.
Your mum and my husband have also called you fat
I'm hurting now

I haven't responded to any of them. She's acting like a brat

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 24/04/2017 23:08

There is no actual apology from her.
So she's hurting now. Good.
Don't stress on it too much op.
Take care of yourself and your baby,
Best wishes little one,

MrsChopper · 24/04/2017 23:26

Shock @ Your mum and my husband have also called you fat

Your body is changing. That in itself can be very stressful for women. Especially in a society where people expect you to look a certain way. She hasn't even apologised for her comments, it's all about herself.

OP, stay away from her and concentrate on your little one! Good luck Flowers

Original poster
user1485778793 · 24/04/2017 23:29

Thing is my husband and mum never called me fat!

OP posts:
ImLadybird · 24/04/2017 23:31

WTF? It's so crazy it's almost funny. Try not to let her upset you. Jeez, and I thought mine was bad!

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 24/04/2017 23:35

If a person can't say sorry for saying something as hurtful as she did, then they are devoid of humility and a stupid little baby. And probably a raging twat. Your MIL sounds like she's got all those bases covered.

Shut down with her and concentrate on you and the baby. I hope everything goes well for the baby, all the best: you've got enough in your plate without some emotionally barren chump causing you stress and aggravation. She should be ashamed of herself.

If she can't treat you with some love and respect then I would make it clear to your OH you won't be having anything to do with her.

befuddledgardener · 24/04/2017 23:40

Awful woman

She should have apologised. Properly.

calimommy · 25/04/2017 04:36

Ooooh she is awful. Awful. And about 8 or 9 yrs old by the sounds of those texts. "They called you fat too it wasn't just me". Lawdy!!!

Listen I have an overbearing mother (not mil) who doesn't have a filter either. She thinks that she is the only one who is honest and 'tells it like it is' and then wonders why she has so few friends and is rapidly loosing her daughter (me). I've stepped back from her, it sad but I'm happier for it. I recommend staying away from your MIL because she is obviously intent on having confrontation with you.

Pineapple80 · 25/04/2017 05:03

Hi OP, sorry to hear about the stress you are going through. I hope all goes well with your son's health when he is born.

As with your MIL, I think you're doing the right thing by ignoring her as hard it may be. Just bite your tongue and leave it. Sometimes I think it is easier. Bad thing is it doesn't really resolve anything but for the time being it gives you the peace you need.

My own mum is currently giving me silent treatment at the moment. It's a long story but it wasn't my fault. She lives quite a distance away from me and she hasn't spoken to me in over two weeks now Hmm. Ridiculous and childish. So I can relate a little with the childish behaviours!! I could do without the stress during pregnancy.

Hope things work out for you and the mil doesn't cause you more unneeded stress

Original poster
user1485778793 · 25/04/2017 08:33

I really need the space away from her. If I wasn't pregnant with a poorly baby I wouldn't have bothered with it and carried on trying to ignore her, but still upset inside.

I can't do that at the moment. Her comments upset and make me anxious to the point my heart is racing which can't be good with babies heart problems

OP posts:
Thinkingblonde · 25/04/2017 15:36

She needs to know how her comments affect you, but she needs to hear it from her son.
You don't need the stress.

Original poster
user1485778793 · 25/04/2017 16:05

She's persistently email and texting him at work. She wants to come round this week so see our newly decorated rooms..... I think I'll be out, I feel like she's after a confrontation

OP posts:
Hollyhop17 · 25/04/2017 16:25

My god, what is your DH doing? He should be sorting this out. He should in no uncertain terms tell his mother that her behaviour is completely unacceptable and is adding to what is already a stressful time.

I wouldnt let her come round at all. It's your house, why should you leave? Really sorry for you OP.

Thinkingblonde · 25/04/2017 16:30

She can only come round if she's carrying a bloody big bunch of flowers and waving a big white flag of surrender. And her big gob gaffer taped firmly shut.

DimpleDumpling · 25/04/2017 16:33

My dh's nan told me that I needed stomach holding in pants when I was 8 months pregnant! I wanted to punch her. Instead I told her that I'm not fat I'm pregnant and even if I was fat she has no right to comment on my body.

This is your body and your baby. Don't let anyone make you angry or upset with how you look.

You catch more files with honey and all that, but if bitches need a slap down then slap them hard! (With words, not fists) doesn't matter if it's your mil, your bff, or a stranger, don't give anyone the power to make you feel bad

StewieGMum · 25/04/2017 16:42

You don't need to let her in your house and you have every right to block her on the phone. Anyone who adds stress to your life when you're already dealing with a difficult situation is not 'a loving family member'. Just because she gave birth to your husband doesn't mean she deserves to have access to you or your child. Either she behaves like an adult and stops whining or she doesn't see her grandchild.

ememem84 · 25/04/2017 17:31

im sorry that your baby has to go through the surgery at such a young age. I'm sure everything will be find (should have said that in my earlier post).

I'm at the stage of just ignoring my mil now. Dh wasn't on board initially but gets it now. I'm not stopping him having a relationship with her. I just want no part of it. It's the easiest for us. That and she lives 12500 miles away.

prettywhiteguitar · 25/04/2017 17:42

Oh god she sounds like my mother, I am no contact with her. She's ramping it up, unless your dh goes round and confronts her or just ignores her she's getting what she wants; drama and attention.

I confronted mine about something she'd said, they cry and shout and make it everyone else's fault.

If I were you I would not have her at my house, nor be visiting her anytime soon.