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Babies never alone until 6 months?

82 replies

SpringSpringSpring · 18/04/2017 07:12

I was reading up on SIDS following another thread. If babies should always sleep in the same room as you, I guess that means in the evening they should be downstairs with you until you go bed?

Just wondering how it works and if you did this, did it affect trying to set up a bedtime routine?

Sorry if its a stupid question but I had only thought about night-time sleeping so far.

OP posts:
Instasista · 18/04/2017 07:13

Many people take the Moses basket downstairs then back up with them when they go to bed.

However many people put older babies (not really in the first

Instasista · 18/04/2017 07:15


In the first few weeeks they won't understand night and day and may well by feeding/ napping until late night anyway, but after that many people out older babies to bed and come back downstairs. It's advice, in a perfect world thats what you should do but many don't

Havingahorridtime · 18/04/2017 07:18

I kept my babies with me until they were well over 6 months. I used to let them nap downstairs during daytime hours and then I would do the last feed of the evening and put them to bed upstairs when I was ready for going up to bed. I didn't have a Moses basket do couldn't carry them around but it wasn't an issue and you get used to a routine pretty quickly. Putting them to bed upstairs at the same time as you are going to bed usually means you get the first few hours of baby's nighttime sleep, asleep yourself.

SuperBeagle · 18/04/2017 07:18

I didn't do that.

Mine were all in their own room from the time we came home from the hospital. During the day, they'd sleep in the bassinet wherever I was in the house, but at night, they were always in their own room.

You'll get different SIDS advice at every turn, often contradicting the next piece of advice, so just go with your gut. There are obvious no-nos, but parenting mostly comes down to intuition and you'll be surprised with how strong your convictions are with your own baby. Smile

Instasista · 18/04/2017 07:21

There isn't contradicting SIDS advice to be fair.

Havingahorridtime · 18/04/2017 07:24

The advice on SIDS isn't contradictory beagle. It is well known that babies should be in the same Room as their parents for the first six months as it helps to regulate their breathing. Some people, like yourself, put the babies in their own room from day one and everything is fine but that doesn't mean that it is what is recommended or is just as safe.

SuperBeagle · 18/04/2017 07:25

There isn't contradicting SIDS advice to be fair.

There is. Here, bumpers in cots are a huge no, but if you go anywhere in Scandinavia, it's the opposite. Here, the advice is to put your baby on their back, but you'll still get professionals who will "accept" babies sleeping on their sides if that's what the baby prefers etc.

Not leaving your baby alone for 6 months is a piece of advice often contradicted depending on where you look. A lot of professionals also say that co-sleeping increases the risk of SIDS, so.

honeycheeerios · 18/04/2017 07:33

It's advice, you can take it or leave it and do what suits you and makes everything easier.

I personally couldn't relax if I couldn't see and hear the baby sleeping ok when they were really little. It made sense to have her sleep wherever i was.

By 5 months my first was sleeping from about 8pm till 6am so I moved her to her own room, and put her to bed for the night and came back downstairs with a baby monitor.

We were disturbing her in the same room with lights, tv, chatting etc but she slept soundly in a quiet dark room out of the way of noise. We checked on her every half hour but could usually hear loud snoring and sucking noises on the monitor. Our house is also so small that when I was in bed, she was just as close to me as when she was in a Moses basket at the end of our bed.

When a HV asked how things were going and I told her about this she made me cry, said I was putting my baby at unnecessary risk of SIDS and basically could die in her sleep because I wasn't lying next to her whenever she slept. She made me feel fucking terrible. Once the postnatal fog had fully lifted and I started to think more clearly and logically I was pretty pissed off about the way she gave her advice and decided advice is just that, not the law. As she is my baby I will decide how to do things, as long as you aren't doing anything harmful anything goes really IMO, there are a billion ways to do this parenting thing.

parentsvsPIL · 18/04/2017 07:33

Superbragle that is just because the definition of SIDS includes suffocation/ overheating / crush injury, ie it is unsafe cosleeping that increases SIDS risk.

The Sids rate halved when back sleeping was made official advice. People who know how epidemiology works are not going to dispute the idea that back sleeping is the default position and other sleeping positions are compromises between a small risk of sids and other risks.

SpringSpringSpring · 18/04/2017 09:47

That's really helpful thanks.

Didn't mean to stir controversy, just try to think ahead to how things might work (all going well)

OP posts:
numberseven · 18/04/2017 10:03

There is. Here, bumpers in cots are a huge no, but if you go anywhere in Scandinavia, it's the opposite.

Actually new advice in Scandinavia warns against bumpers.

FurryElephant · 18/04/2017 10:05

My baby (4 months) only naps on me which has solved this dilemma for me Hmmif I try to put her in her bed before 10pm her eyes ping back open. So your baby might make the decision for you Grin

Instasista · 18/04/2017 10:07

I'm not really sure that's conflicting superbeagle- of course HCp professionals "accept" babies sleeping on the side- it's only advice! And maybe advice differs internationally but I don't suppose many people look at the advice of random countries against their own to check

Thurlow · 18/04/2017 10:13

In an ideal world your baby will be happy to sleep in the living room in the evening or settle at a time you are ready to go to bed yourself. And you won't have loads to get done around the house during nap time. Or they'll settle in the pram downstairs for day time naps.

Other times, babies aren't quite so amenable. I've had two babies who both enormously preferred to sleep in a cot in a dark, silent room. So we made the decision that as we were following all the other advice - on their back, cool room etc - we would put them down to sleep alone.

Personally I found it very difficult to have DC2 with me all the time as DC1 needed attention too.

It's up to you to look at all the guidance and decide where you feel comfortable.

Northgate · 18/04/2017 10:17

DS3 is 4.5 months.

In the evening, he stays downstairs with me until I'm ready to go up to bed. To start with, he would be sleeping in the carrycot bit of the pushchair, but now he sleeps on a mat (like the sort you get in a baby activity playset) on the floor in the playpen. He's still young enough so that he'll sleep when he's tired regardless of light and noise from the TV / conversation.
(The playpen's there to prevent his older siblings from accidentally trampling him)

When I go up to bed, DS3 comes up too and goes in the crib in my bedroom.

SleepWhatSleep1 · 18/04/2017 10:35

All 3 of mine only slept when held so napped and lived in the sling daytime until they were on the move at about 5 months. So always with me until i went to bed, when we bedshared safely following all the guidelines. Now ds is 8 months i happily leave him upstairs in my bed asleep while i potter downstairs. He only usually gives me about 15 minutes maximum before he realises I'm missing and calls for me though Grin

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 18/04/2017 10:55

I didn't have a Moses basket. From day one my babies were always upstairs in their cot or crib (which was in our bedroom for the first six months ) after the bath and feed. We bought an angelcare monitor with a breathing sensor and room temperature monitor etc. which was invaluable peace of mind for us and obviously just popped in and checked on them from time to time as well.

SockQueen · 18/04/2017 10:57

For the first 3 months, DS was with me all the time. But he decided very early that ~7pm was his bedtime, and although initially he would sleep fine in the living room with us, he started to get more unsettled as he got older, so we ended up putting him to bed in our room at that time, then leaving him (with monitor) till we came to bed. The alternatives would be me going to bed at 7pm or having an increasingly grumpy baby downstairs with us, neither of which would work.

For naps, he has his Toddle Pod, and sometimes I'd just sit in the living room with him but other times I would leave him and get on with things. How on earth are you meant to get cooking/washing/cleaning done otherwise?!

kel1493 · 18/04/2017 10:58

I never did that.
From when he came home, he always slept in his crib upstairs. I had the video monitor at all times, and checked on him regularly.
I never wanted him to get used to sleeping downstairs, and plus I hate Moses baskets, so would never put any child of mine in one.
I'll do the same thing in the future.
My health visitor knew about it and said it was fine.

SleepWhatSleep1 · 18/04/2017 11:06

What's wrong with moses basket s? Not that mine ever slept in ours...

AlfaMummy · 18/04/2017 11:10

We had DD down with us in her Moses during the evenings and she would be carried up with us at bedtime. Babies can usually sleep through low volume TV so it wasn't a problem. At about 4.5 months we started to do the last feed of the evening in our bedroom and put her down to sleep with a monitor on. She would be up on her own in our room for an hour or two. It felt like a good way to do it, as by then we were more confident of her being ok whilst sleeping and it got us used to her being on her own, too.

At 6.5 months she went into her own room.

Just make sure any blankets and well tucked under her mattress so they cannot be pulled up over the head, no toys etc or bumpers. If you're unsure, keep the baby with you. Try not to worry about routine for the first few months, when it's time for that baby will adapt pretty quickly.

Havingahorridtime · 18/04/2017 11:16

Nowt wrong with Moses baskets sleep. I didn't see the point in having a Moses basket when the carrycot does the same job. In any case my babies have all been close to 10lb at birth and quite long so they wouldn't have fitted in a Moses basket confortably for long enough to justify the cost.

AndNowItIsSeven · 18/04/2017 11:23

kel your Hv can only advise, its not seeing your baby that's important, they need to regulate their breathing to yours.

silkpyjamasallday · 18/04/2017 12:13

We still have Dd in our room at night and until she was around 5 months she napped downstairs with us during the daytime and in the evenings in the bassinet of her pram. But at that point she stopped being able to sleep through tv or radio noise or any general pottering about or with any light unless moving in the pram, so I bought a camera and sound monitor and I put her to nap upstairs in our room with the camera so I can see her chest rising and falling and go up when I see her stirring. I keep my eye on it constantly and when we move her into her own room I will be getting one of the sensor pads for her mattress along with the camera we already have (but I don't think that will be any time soon, although I think many of her nighttime wakings are now because of me or DP disturbing her rather than hunger)

The guidelines are there for a reason but sometimes it just won't be possible to adhere 100% depending on your baby. DD has slept on her side from birth, I asked the health visitor (this just autocorrected to idiot Grin) what I should do about it as I was paranoid about the SIDS guidelines and she said that I would have to push her back so she was flat on her back every time. If I had done this neither of us would ever have slept, so I just made sure she was in a growbag not blankets and sleeping on a firm surface at first when the risk is highest. The only way to get her to nap downstairs during the day would be to get a play tent for her to sleep in so the light was blocked out and I would have to sit silently mumsnetting for her whole nap so as not to disturb her and not doing any of the housework I did consider it as could be quite appealing but this would be ridiculous. Just do what is right for you and your baby and keep in mind the guidelines and adjust as necessary, as long as they are not sleeping on a mound of pillows with hundreds of loose blankets and soft toys alone while you ignore them you will most probably be fine.

oliversmummy26 · 18/04/2017 15:27

I wouldn't worry too much about trying get a routine in place OP at least until the baby is about 6 months old. I tried desperately to get my baby to "Self sooth" and felt like the worst mother in the world for allowing him to cry so much as so many of the books I read advised.

When he was about 4 months old I read something about a baby's first 3 months being like a 4th trimester. When babies are in the womb they get everything they need immediately, no waiting around, and this is what they're used to. If they need a cuddle give them a cuddle, likewise with feedign changing etc.

I will be doing things very differently with this baby, and will definitely have him in our room (in a side by side crib) for the first 6 months at least (I think DS1 moved into his own room when he was 9 months) and will have him down stairs with us until we go to bed. I personally couldn't rest unless I could hear my baby breathing. Part of the reason to have them in with you for the first 6 months is to help regulate their breathing while they can hear you breathing, as someone else has said.

I couldn't even entertain the idea of putting a new born baby in their own room, more than anything else, you'd be in and out so much for the first few months for feeding and changing, it would be too exhausting!

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