Fed is Best!!!!!!

[HotDawg123]

If you choose to breast feed - good for you
If you choose to bottle feed - good for you
But if you choose to be a breast feeding warrior and look at those who choose to bottle feed as scum then I hope you slip in dog shit tomorrow.

The amount of horrible women I've come across who are like this is too many now. And as I am heavily pregnant and have hormone rage it is really pissing me off.

Thank you for listening.

Ha metalheads yes nobody wants to hear an easy birth story do they! You're not allowed to find bf easy or have a quick birth, you haven't done things properly without a struggle

I'm always intrigued by people who say bf support is poor. My son's tongue tie was diagnosed at 12 hours old, snipped the day we got home. There was a bf group in hospital, I had 1-2-1 support in hospital from a mw and a lactation consultant. I had a hospital appointment about something else when my son was about 10 days old and the consultant and another bf specialist spent over 2.5 hours with us, and I paid for several sessions with private midwives and lactation consultants, and went to bf cafes. My son didn't latch even once, ever. I had no supply issues - in fact milk would gush all over his face, we tried nipple shields and expressing and pumping with the help of these specialists. But nobody can blame that on poor support. None of the experts could make it happen.

I also often wonder if the passionate breastfeeders realise that instead of inspiring formula feeders to bf it can in fact have the opposite effect? I had so many really nasty comments whilst bottle feeding my son (even when it was expressed milk at the beginning before I had to go on medication which meant I couldn't feed him my milk) that it's really put me off asking the bf community for help for my second. I'm due in 8 weeks, already have my ready made formula packed and feel zero guilt whatsoever.

It may be just me but did anyone get this same feeling when they would have to dress/undress their baby if front of someone else? I always thought people would think I'm either being too rough or too careful and for some reason focused really hard on trying to make it look effortless when the baby is literally thrashing like a maniac. Don't know why I focused on it the first time round; weird.

If people want to use formula that is up to them but to say 'fed is best' is factually incorrect

I pumped for 6 months but by 4 I was having to supplement with formula. By 6 months I saw dry. He's have STARVED without formula. Of course fed is best because the other option is dead

I bf all four of mine til they got fed up of it-18mnths,14,11 and 13 months respectively.I loved it and enjoyed every minute.I also studied to be a peer supporter for others
That said how you feed your child is very personal decision and i have nothing but praise for bottle fed mums who get up in middle of night to warm milk(yes I am a lazy sod).
My mil called me a mad earth mother and said it was ridiculous as I couldn't be sure how much my kids were getting as I couldn't measure it precisely (ERM,they are gaining wright?!)and that it wasn't natural.....
It shouldn't matter how babies are nourished so long as they are growing and feel safe and loved its no other buggers business.
Since I was pregnant my first(many years ago)I hated that sense be public property (no I don't want you touching my bump.i don't know you)to questions from strangers about did I have stitches or how they slept (terribly actually).but that's a whole other thread.....

its no other buggers business.

Love that!

I had seen my dm breastfeed my brother for years (he's ten years younger than me) so I had seen it be done 'easily'; it's hard isn't it, because seeing it be done so easily and so normally in my formative years possibly made me feel even more of a failure because I found it so hard. I think you're right that more people should say how easy they found it, but I think the 'breast apo' comments are more to do with people, often strangers, giving their opinions on how a baby is being fed, without any consideration for how the mother might be feeling about the choice she has made, or that has been made for her). For many mums, me included, the decision to switch to formula was hard and emotional on top of the hormones and sleeplessness and everything else that comes with a newborn. I remember deciding to do the last feed and taking him upstairs and crying all over him because i was so sad that it wasn't going to work for us. Nutrition didn't bother me tbh, but the closeness and bonding really did and I felt like a terrible mother because I was choosing comfort over bonding. (As a disclaimer I was terribly hormonal and he was my third and definite last baby)

FacelikeaBagofHammers:

You may find it hard to understand but it is not your place to judge. You have a preference; leave others to theirs.

"you haven't done things properly without a struggle"

YY cwtchy

Reminds me of Monty Python and the four yorkshiremen

Some of our top female comediennes should do a version of this about child birth and BF, might get a bit graphic though.

"we are already given plenty of "Breastfeeding is easy", "breastfeeding is calm and serene" marketing, and shown images of lovely, calm breastfeeding sessions with serene, well-groomed mum and baby."

The pictures are no different from the pictures of mums bottle feeding. That's 'promotion' for you. It's not going to show a close up of a breastfeeding woman with tears running down her face and scabby nipples, or a parents sitting in A&E with a vomiting baby who's got gastroenteritis from bottle feeding.

I think it's bonkers that this topic still gets people so worked up. Everyone should be given the facts then left to do what they like. Being informed that breast milk is best for babies doesn't mean breastfeeding mums are superior or you're awful for choosing formula, it's just a fact. Surely you'd rather know this even if you can't/don't want to breastfeed? Then if someone is being nosy or judgemental just tell them to do one and get on with your day.

My son's tongue tie was diagnosed the day after he was born. I was told I'd be referred for it to be snipped but the waiting list was 4-6 weeks. I chased when he was 4 weeks old as I'd not heard anything, and the referral hadn't been done. I've been re-referred but it's the same wait, so I went private and got it done the next day. We're having to re-learn how to latch but he's already less gassy and happier at feeds, and I'm not finding it painful. It's awful that NHS provision is so patchy.

I'm always intrigued by people who say bf support is poor.

I begged for help breastfeeding after DD was born. Pleaded for it. The HCAs sat with other women for ages and gave them advice and support. They'd walk in, grab my boob, shove it in DD's mouth, bark instructions at me and walk out again. When I asked to be discharged, they told me to "sort out breastfeeding or give formula".

I asked about local breastfeeding support; they said there wasn't any. I asked about expressing, they said it would be "too much effort for you". I asked about combination feeding, they said "it's too complicated to explain". They couldn't give me the formula waiver form quick enough when I realised I wasn't getting any support. Call me a cynic but I don't think it's a coincidence that the women who got seemingly-endless 1-2-1 help were in their late 20s and 30s.

Me and the other young mum on the ward asked for help and got very little. I was lucky enough to have one nice midwife who tried to help me latch, and sat with me and helped me express colostrum and syringe-feed it to DD. The HCAs couldn't have cared less - presumably because I was statistically less likely to continue feeding, so I wasn't worth putting the effort in.

The pictures are no different from the pictures of mums bottle feeding.

Trust me mini I hate those too. They should show the mum freaking out and crying because she can't remember if she put four scoops or five into the bottle at 3am and she has to be up in time for a 9am lecture the next morning

The point I'm making is that these sanitised portrayals of baby feeding help no-one and alienate desperate new mums. More honesty all-around would be better. Or just a total ban on any marketing whatsoever from formula companies. I like that option.

RyanStartedTheFire:

Like many statements of fact, judgement is implied in the context. If I walk up to someone having a fag and say, "Snoking increases your risk of cancer", when they didn't ask me whether I think it does, that will look like judgement to that person.

I think there is fault on both sides
Here's some examples from BF mothers.

I would love to have breast feed.

I desperately tried with both of them and when I failed I felt like a failure and seeing things like this doesn't help sometimes

But I know breast is best.

I think it should say Breast is Best but a Formula is adequate because it is

It's not perfect but it's food for babies

"its no other buggers business.

Love that!"

At a personal level, either is legal and socially acceptable (or should be) and nobody has a right to question or criticise someone else's individual choice.

At a population level though and as a public health issue, it does matter how babies are fed, and there's a huge amount of interest in this area. It's totally understandable that people will talk about historical and cultural trends in feeding choices, about how baby food is sold and marketed, about the sort of information and support women are given with feeding. It's also perfectly valid to raise concerns about formula, just as it is acceptable to raise concerns about any other commercial product which is marketed to parents.

People really need to stop taking things so personally.

And can I remind folk - if you can't detach from your own experience when discussing this topic online, there's always the option of not reading threads about feeding choices.

"I felt like a failure and seeing things like this doesn't help"

Are you making a case for suppressing the public discussion of the use of donor milk? Because any discussion of it is going to flag up that it is better tolerated by babies than formula. I don't think that people are at fault for communicating the fact that formula may not be 'second best' but that donor milk or expressed milk may be, regardless of the impact on yours or anyone else's feelings.

Breast is the biological norm. It is biologically geared towards your baby, it triggers biological responses in your body, it is what your body is designed to do.

Sometimes your body lets you down; sometimes the people around you let you down; sometimes society lets you down in not showing you that breastfeeding is normal.

Formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative in the developed world. It is safe and adequate nutrition for your baby, when prepared following the guidelines. Babies need to be fed, and - as public awareness and practical support is still sorely lacking in many areas - no woman should be made to feel bad if she makes this choice, or has this choice made for her.

Neither are "best", neither should be lifted to be this unreachable "gold standard", neither should be written off as "crap" or "pointless".

Heightened awareness of the benefits of breastfeeding, more education about the right way to prepare formula, widely-available and regulated donor breastmilk and first-class support to enable every woman to achieve her desired feeding choice - that is what is best.

"Like many statements of fact, judgement is implied in the context. If I walk up to someone having a fag and say, "Snoking increases your risk of cancer", when they didn't ask me whether I think it does, that will look like judgement to that person."

Well said.

However, where does that leave health professionals, who are duty bound to inform you of the risks and benefits of different feeding choices, regardless of how it makes you feel?

Health professionals, in a health setting, have a duty to inform you of the risks and benefits in a measured, non-judgemental way (obviously they can only control that so far; people will infer judgement in everything they hear on this topic, but as long as they are not consciously judging, that is fine).

I think there's a big difference between that and someone online saying "You're a shit mum for formula feeding"

Not at all

If people want to discuss donor milk, they are more than welcome to

I was just showing that thing as an example. It's not what I believe in

What we need is more honesty about the tough bits to become mainstream, so that mums don't struggle and assume it means they need to give up because breastfeeding isn't for them.*

This!!!

I had a bad case of mastitis and nipple thrush. No one warns you about these things and how to sort them out. So you end up feeling like this is the way breastfeeding is. I can understand why some women give up! Having to deal with that as well as people thinking your boobs are their business because your 3 month old "should be sleeping through the night" or that you are a wicked selfish woman for not allowing them to feed them.

DS is combination fed now and it works perfectly for him. I couldn't really a sugar frosted f**k what anyone thinks. I know my baby better than they do.

We need to support each other as women.

Caring for a small baby is no easy task. So why do women give each other grief about their feeding choices?

Let's all bask in our glory that we went through the pain of squeezing a human out of our lady garden and help each other out a bit more.

The night ds2 was born he was in neonatal care and they brought him to me to feed (bf). The second night he was back with me and was cluster feeding like a maniac probably because the day before he's been brought on the clock so was building up supply. He was 9lb with a tongue tie. After about 9 hours constantly on and off, I begged the midwives to help me by giving him a small amount of formula. They refused. Every other baby on the ward (post section ward) was being formula fed, but mine they refused. Simply because I had ticked 'breastfeeding' not 'bottle feeding' and that was how they wanted me to leave hospital. They have targets to promote bf and the other mums were never going to bf but I was a possible 'success' so they insisted I continued. I wasn't given the choice like other mums. It took 3 weeks to get the bf counsellor to visit me to help me latch him and explain about his TT and a further 3 weeks to get his TT snipped. By which time I was desperate really, and not long after that I gave up, after getting a second bout of mastitis. Looking back I should possibly have combi fed or expressed, really. I don't think the support was sufficient and particularly for a third timer like me. My HV even said to me that I probably knew more than she did! (Which wasn't true!)

I was judged for formula feeding my first. My choice. I had enough milk and she latched fine but it hurt too much and after my c section I couldn't cope with more pain.

Breastfeeding my second currently, due to hating spending a fortune on formula, hating washing up and sterilising and boiling kettles. Pure laziness reasons as my ff 2.8 year old is very advanced mentally and is very very rarely unwell. Fortunately breastfeeding is going well for us. First 2/3 weeks were very painful and even now at week 13, it's still hard at times.

My point is that I've used both feeding methods and I agree that fed is best. But my God, I've been judged more for breastfeeding in the last 13 weeks Than I was for using formula for 15 months.

In my personal experience, I've had a lot more bullying and shitty comments for breastfeeding. 'It's disgusting' 'borderline incest' and 'ooh look it's super mum over there with her tits out'

Baby groups are a lovely place.