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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help should I get a new midwife

94 replies

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 15:55

Hi
I've been having a panicky pregnancy im a first time mum and everything seems really scary and my midwife doesn't answer her phone and only works 3 days a week
If I have a question or anything minor I find myself having to ring my hospital because I can't get though to her.
I texted her this morning as baby had changed positions and I was feeling kicks near my pelvis and me with my anxiety was thinking about horrible possibilities, I texted her asking if it was normal if t was the baby moving or should I be worried and this was at half 8 this morning I've still heard nothing back.
I feel very ignored and to say she's supposed to be a part of my health care and responsible for a part of my care I don't feel like she is.
Has anyone else had the same problem what should I do? I have a severe anxiety disorder and when I need reassurance I feel like I have nowhere to turn to and no one to ask about anything as i don't really leave my house or confide in people as the responses I get off of people around me is blunt and obnoxious and I get told I worry too much and to basically shut up.

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Mungobungo · 31/01/2017 10:26

Your midwife will have a large caseload of other women. You've said yourself, she only works 3 days a week and it's likely that those 3 days are spent in clinics, doing booking appointments or visiting women and babies (or at home births). It's not possible for her to be able to answer her phone or messages all of the time. If your query is urgent, you really are better off phoning the hospital or GP.

I wish it were different, but the reality of NHS midwifery is that midwives are overstretched and cannot physically do everything for everyone. Your midwife is entitled to her days off and annual leave, same as everyone else. In fact, she will need them to be able to provide care to her entire caseload without messing up or causing harm. She will prioritise her messages and voicemails for those in most need of medical help.

I realise for you this isn't helpful, but there is some onus on you to understand what is normal and what isn't. There is a wealth of resources out there for you to get to know what's normal.

It's great that you're getting help for your anxiety, but your apparent focus on and expectation of the midwife to be available to you instantly and whenever you decide to call really isn't healthy.

MinnieNoush · 31/01/2017 13:13

Notjustuser1458393875 you said you can do that on Mumsnet too, but I have had a good look around and can't find any individual boards for each month only an ongoing post for each month, which is not really same thing.
If i'm mistaken I apologise and please do point me in the right direction to find the boards as I would love to join an April 17 board.
Thanks

Blackfellpony · 31/01/2017 13:28

I would be surprised if any midwives texted back to be honest.
In an emergency I would phone hospital, a serious enquiry phone her or the district office. I wouldn't expect to be contacting people over a baby moving position though it's very normal. You do sound like hard work.

CocoLoco87 · 31/01/2017 14:15

What mayhew said. I think you've been told to contact midwife so other people don't have to bother with you. Midwives are insanely busy in my area and I don't think it's realistic to think they are on hand for you 24/7. But you weren't to know that!

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. I really hope you don't have too many more worries.

Notjustuser1458393875 · 31/01/2017 14:36

Minnie, I was thinking of the ante-natal clubs which do run as threads rather than whole boards but otherwise do exactly what you describe. They become communities and you can ask any question you want. I'm still in a FB group with one of my groups, years on.

Checkitout, the OP does have a mental health issue - anxiety. It's not an insult or dirty word. I have a mental health condition myself, as do many people I know. The first few posts from the OP suggested that this anxiety was causing her distress. Mental health difficulties often begin or worsen during pregnancy which is why it can be appropriate to be assigned to a specialist midwife who can offer additional support. It's a shame you feel that suggesting something like that is an attack on the OP.

GinIsIn · 31/01/2017 15:03

Checkthisout - the OP has already stated they suffer from anxiety- a mental health condition that requires support. Other posters commenting on this is not in any way people being unfair to the OP.

Being pregnant can be a tremendous trial on anyone's mental health, particularly with a pre-existing MH issue, and the OP is clearly struggling with their anxiety. Please don't minimise that and say it's normal to worry to this extent, which could encourage the OP not to seek the resources that are available.

NameChange30 · 31/01/2017 15:23

Minnie
April 2017 thread

harleysmammy · 31/01/2017 15:58

My midwife is the same, so so lovely but can never get hold of her. I have anxiety so a lot of people dont take me seriously when i worry but ive had 6 scans and one thursday. If im that worried i dont even bother calling my midwife i call the maternity, or my hospital has a 24 hour midwife.

The kicking low down is normal btw, normally my boy is kicking my ribs to shreds but some times he is really low in my pelvis. Its normal x

Checkthisout · 31/01/2017 16:20

Op has stated pretty much a million times that she's getting help for her anxiety. I don't see why everyone keeps telling her to do what she's already doing.

Checkthisout · 31/01/2017 16:22

I suffer with a pre pregnancy MH condition also, should I put something on here and be told to "get help" yes it's an absolute insult.

Simply because I am having tons of MH support outside of pregnancy and a part of my pregnancy.

Should I post on here, it's because I'm worried and need some advise, same goes with the midwife.

GinIsIn · 31/01/2017 16:41

checkthisout and the OP was given very accurate advice - that it is perfectly normal, that the midwife will be very busy, and worrying lots about normal things might be her anxiety, for which there are resources available.

likeacrow · 31/01/2017 17:13

Wow Blackfellpony what a kind and helpful thing to say to a pregnant 19 year old suffering with anxiety. Hope that made you feel good!

likeacrow · 31/01/2017 17:24

FenellaMaxwell I think it's the tone people are using to hammer home their point to this clearly vulnerable young mum to be that I personally have found hard to read. There's ways of putting advice kindly and gently, especially given the context.

The op hasn't responded for some time now and I'm a little worried for her.
Beth let us know you're alright.

Kelsey28 · 31/01/2017 17:29

BlackFellPony telling people with anxiety they are hard work is really really helpful! Let's hope you never in a situation you find difficult to handle.
I would be surprised if any midwives texted back to be honest.
My midwife told me today to text her if I was anxious between 9-5 and she would try her hardest to get back. If you have anxiety it is very difficult to rationalise things or see issues as part of a larger picture. My issues with baby movements have become all consuming at times and being told I was bothering people would have probably pushed me over the edge.

vickifaith · 31/01/2017 17:45

Wow I totally understand why you feel attacked Beth. For those of you that don't suffer from anxiety or a worrisome pregnancy you are very blessed to be able to make comments such as the above and imply Beth is being 'over the top'. I am in my second pregnancy after having a child with a chromosome disorder and was also told 'any problems or concerns just call me'. Yes the reality is that midwives are busy people and can't respond to everyone immediately however Beth was only asking if that's normal or is her midwife not giving her the care that she should expect? If not, then who else could she contact.... Beth I think what you are feeling is normal, I worry about every little sign too. You are a first time mum trying to work things out. Be kind ladies, what might be a silly worry to you, isn't to others. I don't know if it's possible for you but I visit a small private clinic who offer scans for £60, not only do they take time to scan me if I have a worry they also answer their phone if I have a question. Might be worth looking into it xx

likeacrow · 31/01/2017 17:57

My midwives have specially asked me to text them on occasion, once when I had to get checked out at hospital due to some symptoms including fatigue and shortness of breath (turned out to be anaemia) and once when I had an extra growth scan due to discrepancies in measurements by different midwives (turned out fine). I'm grateful for their kindness and concern. They texted me back both times.

Notjustuser1458393875 · 31/01/2017 18:04

Likeacrow, if you mean to include the posts suggesting that the OP might find specialist support helpful in your description of unkind posts then I object. The posts repeatedly telling her that texting her midwife is pointless/unecessary however I agree on.

The OP has said she is getting help with her anxiety and that's great. But having help integrated with your midwifery care is gold standard support really.

likeacrow · 31/01/2017 19:54

Notjustuser1458393875 I don't. I mean the unkind, impatient tone of some of the responses.

titihood · 03/02/2017 14:29

You could ask to be referred to a midwife who has experience with anxiety issues - they specialise in different mental health things and can help you with coping tactics for when you get overly worried about something.

There are so many things we can worry about when pregnant and if you suffer from anxiety it can be really hard when you feel like you are not getting the support you need. Hope you start to feel less anxious soon x

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