Help should I get a new midwife

[Beth6487]

Hi
I've been having a panicky pregnancy im a first time mum and everything seems really scary and my midwife doesn't answer her phone and only works 3 days a week
If I have a question or anything minor I find myself having to ring my hospital because I can't get though to her.
I texted her this morning as baby had changed positions and I was feeling kicks near my pelvis and me with my anxiety was thinking about horrible possibilities, I texted her asking if it was normal if t was the baby moving or should I be worried and this was at half 8 this morning I've still heard nothing back.
I feel very ignored and to say she's supposed to be a part of my health care and responsible for a part of my care I don't feel like she is.
Has anyone else had the same problem what should I do? I have a severe anxiety disorder and when I need reassurance I feel like I have nowhere to turn to and no one to ask about anything as i don't really leave my house or confide in people as the responses I get off of people around me is blunt and obnoxious and I get told I worry too much and to basically shut up.

I've tried texting her twice and then had to ring the hospital 😊
Anything I deem as an emergency, I've had a few emergency situations like bleeding and fluids, I go to hospital but that was very early on during the pregnancy.

PossumInAPearTree - I just assumed you had to ring the midwife as everyone's told me to do? I obviously know now lol anything else like hospital numbers I thought they were for emergencies but I've only had 2 emergency situations and each of them I went to a and e for it as I was told to as I was very early on in the pregnancy

Unfortunately you are not the only patient your midwife deals with. They don't answer immediately as they are often in clinic or delivering other babies. Have you tried reading up on what is normal to expect in pregnancy? It might give reassurance about movements etc. It might also tell you in which situations (e.g bleeding) you should go straight to hospital.

Guess it's different everywhere but where I am community midwives don't hand their mobile phone numbers out. They used to but there were problems like this. So now women have to ring the hospital.

You'll be ok. Just try to make some time for yourself to get informed and prepared.

I actually liked the suggestion someone made about a doula. They have experience and are just there for you. They will have more time for you. I might arrange one as well in the future. It is a nice idea to have someone who's only job is to stand by you and help you in the way that you need.

I do realise your anxiety might flare up more often during this time in your life but try to enjoy the pregnancy as well. You have a miracle growing inside of you!

At 19 weeks feeling movement at all is a good thing, and this will move about and come and go because the baby is so small. It is only from 26 weeks that the midwives will consider it a worry if you experience a change in movement or reduced movement - before that, everything else is very changeable, so what you are experiencing wouldn't be a matter for the midwife.

It is fine to contact the midwife if you have a problem, but this isn't a problem and she's probably busy - they have massive workloads and this would be the same if you changed to someone else, in all likelihood.

If you have a look on the NHS pregnancy site there's loads of information and help there which might be able to answer any questions you have, that way you'd have information straight away and wouldn't need to wait for the midwife.

As others have said, there is a perinatal mental health team in most NHS trusts and you should be able to request access to the mental health midwife who would be better placed to help you balance pregnancy and anxiety.

I'm a community midwife. Part-time.
I struggle to answer all my phone queries while I am working. If it's my day off, I don't answer until my next day at work. A typical community midwife has contact with 50-90 currently pregnant women and 10-20 postnatal women. Thankfully, they're not all on the phone to us!

In my experience, "call your midwife" is the default setting of everyone who doesn't know/ can't be bothered to answer a query. Very few services are organised so that we have the capacity to offer this availability 24/7.
I appreciate that you are anxious but feeling fetal movements at 19 weeks is a good thing, not a problem. It doesn't matter where you feel them.

When you were booked you were probably given the unit number for serious concerns. Put that in your phone so you have it to hand. Less serious issues, make a list and bring them to your next appointment. When I am contacted between appointments I prefer texts because it's easier to sort out quickly on the run.

@Beth6487 I'm sorry you've had some unhelpful responses - clearly you're well aware of your anxiety issues and don't need telling!

It's normal to have some concerns in your first pregnancy, when your body's doing all sorts of weird stuff and your baby's spinning around in there! I would say to ask your midwife at your next appt to be very clear about exactly when you need to contact her or the labour ward (reduced movement, bleeding, etc) - write it down if you can, or take any leaflets she offers. You can then refer back to them when you're feeling anxious and reassure yourself.

I think it's important for you to find other people you can chat to when you're worried, other than your midwife. Have you thought about joining a local mother & baby group? Might be a good opportunity for you to meet other mums and have a chat about what to expect, and groups organised by the NCT or similar are often run by volunteers who are pretty knowledgeable. Also consider antenatal classes -it's never too early to join, and your local hospital will run something. Maybe pregnancy yoga as well? It's a great way to help you relax, and will teach you techniques to relax yourself when you're feeling anxious. You'll also meet lots of other mums-to-be who will most likely have some of the same worries you have! Try to focus on looking after yourself and making sure you have the best possible support network around you.

The problem here is that you are contacting your midwife for issues that don't warrant it. If people contacted their midwife every time their baby moved or felt like it changed position they wouldn't have time to do anything! What you are experiencing is normal. As others have said you should contact someone if the baby isn't moving (as normal) but this would be hospital rather than community midwife.

I imagine that she's reading your messages but not responding because they are not urgent.

I don't understand what you mean when you say about the possible implications of your baby changing positions?

Bex i don't think any of the responses have been unhelpful

@NameChange30 I meant really that the OP had found some of them unhelpful, not necessarily that they weren't good advice - poor phrasing, sorry

It sounds like you are struggling with rational thought and what you think is a problem. Baby will move, baby will kick, this is all completely normal. When baby stops kicking that's when you need to worry. When baby comes your anxiety will probably raise so you really need to focus and understand this is a massive problem you need to sort now.

The fact you have made a post about wanting to change your midwife when you've only text her twice is a real indication of how far your anxiety has become. Do you understand that?

Have you tried meditation? Please get yourself in a quiet room and listen to this video. It might help you to realise you are healthy and having a healthy pregnancy. You don't need to worry. Everything will be ok.

Beth6487 some of the responses you've been getting are really harsh. My midwife is great at responding to texts but it's often not until a day later or whenever she's next working. Luckily I also have a sister in law who's a midwife who I can pester if needed. On your maternity notes there should be other numbers to contact if worried too. There's nothing wrong with having concerns and asking questions and imo your midwife should get back to you, it just may not be straight away.
Lots of luck and best wishes for your pregnancy, I'm sure it'll all go smoothly and you'll be a great mum

MouseLove I don't agree at all. She's 19, first time pregnant and worried. It's stressful and frustrating to not get a response when clearly she was expecting one. I'm sure she knows now not to expect so much but I don't think her posting on here about it is "a real indication of how far your anxiety has become" Jeeze.

Where i am there is a maternity assessment phone number. If you have something similar can you call them rather than the midwife?

Is possible that she is so busy on visits/with appointments that it may take a while to get back to you.

Beth - it might be worth joining an online antenatal group - there are ones on here - of woman who are due around the same time as you. It is useful to have people to discuss issues and feelings with, especially with your first pregnancy. That way you can ask people if they are feeling similar things to you.

As a PP said, it is also a good idea to discuss with your midwife any issues that you have at your next appt and get an idea of the things she thinks she is able to help you with and things that would need a call between appts. Things do get better at around 25 weeks as you start to get more direct 'care' with the routine appts, until then you do feel somewhat alone

Where I am the midwives say to leave a message and they will get back within 24hrs (sometimes later). So in my experience it is fairly normal and a new midwife would be similar.

Firstly Beth let me say, i'm 35 with no anxiety issues but this is also my first pregnancy so there have been lots of times that I have felt anxious and not known if something is normal, so I can only imagine at 19 how scary this must all be for you.

Like you have said, you now have a better understanding of what you should and shouldn't expect from your midwife, it took me a few months to figure that out too ( :

Something I found really helpful was on the BabyCentre forum you can join the group for people who are due in the same month as you, that way whenever you are unsure about something you can post it on the board and ask other women who are at the same stage of their pregnancy as you.

You can do that on MN too.

I really feel for you beth6487. I was 36 when pregnant with my first and an anxiety sufferer. Every twinge, odd sensation, strange movement would launch me into a panic as I didn't know what "normal" is when you're pregnant. I would be absolutely convinced something was wrong. I didn't call my midwife but found solace in educating myself. I found books like "what to expect when you're expecting" very reassuring and of course if you find a non scary website that will help too. I did find it scary being pregnant because I didn't know anything about it and educating yourself is empowering and reassuring. Try to enjoy it, there are some fascinating experiences like "lightning crotch" if you're lucky enough to get that one, I did and that was "fun". Good luck x

Sorry you are getting a lot of stick.

If you've been told to contact your midwife then of course, you should contact her.

Maybe ring and leave voicemails first?? & then try again a little later.

If all else fails, definitely ring the hospital....that's what I did as I felt my issue was urgent.

Completely understand your worries.

Just like to add, you are only19 as you said & this is your first baby....it's completely natural to worry the way you do....I don't think it's fair other PP's are saying "you need mental health support", your worry is natural!

I didn't worry much before, yet I had people basically telling me I'm a sh!t person for basically not bothering.

On here, you are damned if you do & damned if you don't.

No matter how much you agree with people on here, they will continue to tell you what you should do....as soon as you disagree "you have mental health issues".

At the end of the day, this is your baby....your life, both are equally important, don't ever feel you are worrying too much.

Do you have support in regards to OH & family??

Also, I've been told to stop doing it but used google.....way before you even consider coming on here for advice

Definitely mean to say UNFAIR

For Christ sake!!

"Don't think it is fair" was the right way to put it, I just read my own post wrong! Ignore me!

its normal to worry, but with all due respect, your midwife is not your counsellor. Feeling baby move position is not a reason to contact a health care professional or the hospital. It was 8.30 in the morning, she might have been off duty and sleeping. Your midwife is not on call 24/7