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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Help should I get a new midwife

94 replies

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 15:55

Hi
I've been having a panicky pregnancy im a first time mum and everything seems really scary and my midwife doesn't answer her phone and only works 3 days a week
If I have a question or anything minor I find myself having to ring my hospital because I can't get though to her.
I texted her this morning as baby had changed positions and I was feeling kicks near my pelvis and me with my anxiety was thinking about horrible possibilities, I texted her asking if it was normal if t was the baby moving or should I be worried and this was at half 8 this morning I've still heard nothing back.
I feel very ignored and to say she's supposed to be a part of my health care and responsible for a part of my care I don't feel like she is.
Has anyone else had the same problem what should I do? I have a severe anxiety disorder and when I need reassurance I feel like I have nowhere to turn to and no one to ask about anything as i don't really leave my house or confide in people as the responses I get off of people around me is blunt and obnoxious and I get told I worry too much and to basically shut up.

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Notjustuser1458393875 · 30/01/2017 16:26

As a PP asked, have you been referred to the perinatal mental health service? Do you know if your trust has specialist mental health midwives? (No reason why you should.) Midwives like this are specially trained to support women with mental health issues (absolutely including anxiety) through pregnancy and birth. I think people are saying you need additional support with your anxiety rather than that you haven't had any treatment at all. Being pregnancy with severe anxiety is very difficult and an 'off-the-peg' service isn't going to meet your needs very well. Can you ask your midwife or GP about it? If you're comfortable giving your area we might be able to find out for you what resources might be available.

MakeMyWineADouble · 30/01/2017 16:27

I agree midwifes have a large case load they can't always respond if they don't then you have done the correct thing contacting the hospital. However you say yourself everything is scary and you contact her with minor questions? I think this is why people think you may benefit from some extra support. Is there anyone else you can go to for advice friends or family? I think people are suggesting you get some help with anxiety as the level you describe is still high. It's great you are getting help but maybe it needs a bit of adjustmenting while your pregnant,

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 16:28

Yes I understand I need help with my anxiety disorder, again thankyou. However, I do receive help for my anxiety and I do receive coping strategies, CBT
It's my first time being pregnant, everyone says to me contact your midwife.
Now I know it's not normal to contact your midwife, again thankyou.

I don't need allt of reassurance as I'm 19 weeks and have contacted her only twice through text and no reply. I didn't realise it was such a big problem as everyone around me says to get in touch with your midwife??
Tbh I feel slightly patronised when told to get a mental health professional involved as I already have stated about 3 times that I DO in fact receive councelling and CBT. It's not like I'm ringing her non stop or phoning non stop. I've texted 2 times!
The reason I thought it was normal is because I've actively SEEN her text a woman who needed reassurance at one of my appointments so I just thought that was the done thing.
Thankyou to those who have pointed me in the right direction.

OP posts:

buckyou · 30/01/2017 16:31

What did u think might be wrong? You've got to think of it from their point of view, they can't have everyone calling every time the baby moves.

Just try and relax and only call for things she's told you about, reduced movement etc.

IntoTheDeep · 30/01/2017 16:32

I didn't contact the community midwives that often during my pregnancies, but when I did, they were always quite hard to get hold of.
I think because they'd spend most of the day doing routine appointments or house calls, so they didn't have much spare time to be picking up phone messages IYSWIM? I remember the community midwife saying that I should contact the hospital for anything urgent as the community midwives voicemail was only checked once a day or so (it was a central community midwife service number rather than her personal work mobile).

It was much easier to get through to the midwives at the hospital, as the pregnancy assessment unit office seemed to always have midwives on duty ready to take calls.

OreoHeaven · 30/01/2017 16:34

My Comm MW was also part time and also rubbish at getting back to me.

Afreshstartplease · 30/01/2017 16:35

I'm sure no one means to be patronising but the treatment you are receiving clearly isn't doing the trick is it and as others have seen perhaps needs looking at by someone more familiar with anxiety in pregnancy

NerrSnerr · 30/01/2017 16:37

I think the issue is knowing what requires support from a midwife. In my last pregnancy I contacted my midwife twice, once when my sister died and another time when I walked into the microwave door and knocked myself out (yes, I know I'm an idiot!).

I have had my irrational moments- wondering if being constipated will squish the baby, thinking I have preeclampsia every time I have a slight headache and countless other things but I use Dr Google to sort those out!

Kelsey28 · 30/01/2017 16:40

Thank you name change
I am seeing my midwife again tomorrow so will discuss it with her again and let her know how important is to me and will be able to book an appointment with my GP while I'm there .

Sparklyuggs · 30/01/2017 16:40

I think you should call the midwives or hospital rather than text, I can imagine that a mw with a huge caseload and delivering babies could easily not reply for a while.

It does sound like a midwife who specialises in supporting someone with anxiety would be a better fit for you; it's easy to say that it shouldn't be a concern to feel kicks in the pelvis but a mw with the specialism will be able to be aware of the anxiety and be able to reassure you and support you.

People on here are just trying to help, many of us have anxiety and other MH issues so just wanted to check you are getting the support you need as so many people don't.

Kelsey28 · 30/01/2017 16:42

Also I think what also causes panic/anxiety is a lot of things you google it says "contact your midwife if you are at all worried" well if you have anxiety then you are always worried. It's difficult but you have to try and be rational with yourself.

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 16:44

I just texted her to see if it was normal that the baby was so low down as he's always been up near my belly button that's all,
I'll be frank I'm 19 and never ever been pregnant before it wasn't planned and everyone always said contact your midwife if you have a problem even she said herself. I haven't been bothering her non stop and I haven't been anxious as hell about everything but I do have a severe anxiety disorder and I do get scared very easily about minor issues. Being told it's my "rampant anxiety" because I'm asking my midwife who I thought was my main health provider is a tad bit nasty and a tad bit extreme.
Sorry if I seemed to have upset some people or offended some people by the blunt responses I've been getting and the assumptions people have made that I ring constantly and text constantly, I can assure you I don't.
And thankyou to those lovely women who have given me advice and pointed me in the right direction, I now know who to contact now

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 30/01/2017 16:51

"Contact your midwife if you have a problem"

Exactly. You don't have a problem. And you seem to have trouble identifying whether it's a problem or not.

Everyone who's posted has done so with the intention of supporting you. No one has been nasty. I don't see what's nasty about suggesting that you get some specialist perinatal mental health support.

mistermagpie · 30/01/2017 16:52

Re. The movement thing, at 19 weeks the baby can move positions a lot, they are still quite small. The top of your uterus should be just around your belly button so any movement below that is totally normal.

I'm sorry you are anxious, I'm a very anxious pregnant person too (not outside of pregnancy though) so I do understand some of how you feel. I am very lucky in that I've always managed to get hold of my midwife if I've needed her but I would never text her, just phone the office. Once your past a certain stage (27 weeks at my hospital) you can phone maternity assessment directly and speak to a midwife, you will always get hold of somebody that way. Try not to worry too much though, if you can feel movement at this stage then that will be very reassuring.

IMissGin · 30/01/2017 16:53

At 19 weeks the top of your uterus is only around your belly button and your baby is moving freely between your pelvis and there. The baby will move constantly between no and very near delivery. Your baby is also very small so there is little or no way of you knowing yet where or which position it's in, not that it matters at this stage anyway.

2014newme · 30/01/2017 16:54

Could you get a book about pregnancy or look online then you could look up things like feeling baby move.

Heirhelp · 30/01/2017 16:56

Sorry I have not read all the replies. If she has not replied then I would assume she was not at work today. My midwife always said to ring if I need reply that day and to ring the pregnancy assessment unit of urgent.

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 17:04

NameChange30 sorry can't tag properly. The only thing I found nasty was being told asking a question is "rampant anxiety"
Nothing else.
How the hell do I know if it's a problem or not? It's not a problem it's normal I know that now through asking the hospital midwives.
Some responses are quite blunt, and assuming. but not nasty.
Have a nice day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 17:06

Again like to thank the lovely women who've given me sound advice!

OP posts:

Chinnygirl · 30/01/2017 17:13

Maybe reading a book about pregnancy can help you get more informed. It sounds like you haven't had time to prepare for this pregnancy.

Please don't get upset when people tell you that you sound anxious. Your post DOES come across like that. People can only judge you on the words that they see written. They just want you to have the best of care. Most pregnant women know that a baby moves so your wworries sound over the top to them.

arbrighton · 30/01/2017 17:16

Is it just me who wouldn't dream of texting the midwife if it was important? I'd ring and leave a message, or try the 'second midwife'. Or failing all else try the hospital.

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 17:18

arbrighton - I did ring up the hospital 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

Beth6487 · 30/01/2017 17:21

Chinnygirl - you're right I've had zero time to prepare for this pregnancy 😓 I do worry a lot and that is down to my anxiety however most of the time I can distinguish between worrying and "worrying" if you know what I mean. I'd hate to think I badgered anyone like my midwife or hospital but now thanks to people who seem to think I'm barbaric for asking my midwife a question I feel as though I've wasted her time on purpose 😔 When I really haven't intentionally tried to bother anyone

OP posts:

MsMarvel · 30/01/2017 17:23

If I have a question or anything minor I find myself having to ring my hospital because I can't get though to her.

You say this, and then you say you've only tried contacting her twice, and only by text?

How many times have you tried to contact her through any means? This seems to imply that there have already been numerous occasions where you have tried to contact her and then phoned the hospital.

PossumInAPearTree · 30/01/2017 17:25

If she's part time maybe she isn't working today. To be honest the system sounds the problem, not the midwife. Does your hospital not have a staffed assessment unit type place that you can ring with any concerns?

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