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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unwanted advice driving me crazy!!!

20 replies

Polkadot1988 · 06/01/2017 18:42

Hi everyone,

I'm a first time mum to be, about 12weeks, and I am going round the twist by people who are not pregnant (and don't have kids) trying to give me advice about what I can and can't eat, what temperature my bath should be or what pregnancy vitamins to take!!! My older sister literally tells me what I should and shouldn't do for everything and she has never had kids!!! I feel like she is trying to prove that she is some fountain of knowledge about pregnancy and knows more than I do! I feel awful for getting so cranky about it but I just want to learn things myself... and am happy to take advice from mums who have been there and done it already but I can't understand people who couldn't possible know anything about pregnancy telling me what to do... HELP lol

Sorry about this rant but needed to get this off my chest lol
Xo

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LottieL · 06/01/2017 18:47

People are only trying to help. I'd be gracious if I were you - I am sure you will be glad of the assist when your baby is born. That's how I look at it.

Ilovecaindingle · 06/01/2017 18:49

'thank for the advice but baby will be brought up the polkadot method' . ...
And smile!!

SarahOoo · 06/01/2017 19:06

Of the advice you listed it really is all stuff to ensure you and your baby are looked after and safe (foods, temperature of the bath etc). I'm pregnant now but before I'd read and knew some stuff about pregnancy so if one of my friends was pregnant I would have passed the info on. Having gone through pregnancy or being a mum doesn't qualify you more than someone who hasn't been pregnant or isn't a mum. Every pregnancy is different, mine is awful (in my 'feeling sorry for myself' opinion!) but others are better and we'd have different advice. It's just advice after all.

AyeAmarok · 06/01/2017 19:09

Lots of people who don't have children know lots about pregnancy. Plenty who have been pregnant know very little about what foods to avoid etc.

Don't dismiss everyone's advice that you don't consider to be part of your club.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/01/2017 19:10

Omg this drove me up the wall. It is so annoying, even when it's well meant it's still annoying. Tbh when you're pg everything is annoying.
Just nod and smile and move on.

Original poster

Polkadot1988 · 06/01/2017 19:14

I think I should probably clarify the reason this drives me crazy is because this is a new experince for me and my hubby, I want to be able to learn these things myself and the frustrating thing is not the advice itself but more the fact that it is delivered in a way to try and make makes me feel like I know nothing and she knows everything... hope that makes sense and I don't just sound like a brat lol

OP posts:

Lucinda15 · 06/01/2017 19:14

I sympathise. Also got fed up with this during my first pregnancy. It actually stressed me out towards the end and I felt quite overwhelmed with people telling me I should be doing this or not doing that and I should buy this type of bra and there is no point buying this or that, and have I done this yet, and have I done that yet and mil asking at 20 weeks had I chosen a car seat yet and why not?? ...I was only half way for gods sake, give me space.

I know people mean well. I know people are interested and excited. But I dnt blame u for feeling fed up with it at times. I know I did.

Not a lot u can do, I learned to nod and smile and say thank you, I'll keep that in mind. And of course some advice was useful!

Two best things I did to clear my head from all this noise was plenty of long hot(ish! Lol!) baths and yoga.

Original poster

Polkadot1988 · 06/01/2017 19:17

Yep... just out of my long, temperature appropriate bath lol!! I would never say anything to hurt her feelings as I she probably just means well, but it is very frustrating lol I can't wait to start my yoga in a few weeks time!!! Until then I will have lots of nodding and smiling lol xo

OP posts:

SpotTheDuck · 06/01/2017 19:18

Honestly....you need to learn not to get wound up by this. Everybody and their aunt is going to tell you how to be pregnant, how to give birth, how to feed your baby, what school to send them to etc etc. There is no other topic that makes people offer so much unsolicited advice. You are in for at least 18 years of this crap.

So learn to smile, and nod, and take on board any information or advice that you think might work for you while ignoring everything else.

bluesdetoi · 06/01/2017 19:21

I completely understand, it bothers me so much. Unsolicited advice should not be appreciated because you never ASKED FOR IT. Don't be made to feel guilty because it annoys you.

I'm the kind of person who researches everything from every angle, so being told by my MIL or my friends what to do is infuriating. I'm obviously an adult who made a conscious decision to bring a child into the world - unless you're my physician - STFU. People are so freaking annoying.

Original poster

Polkadot1988 · 06/01/2017 19:24

OP posts:

Jojo13 · 06/01/2017 19:25

Sometimes it's how the advice is delivered which can be annoying, more than the advice itself. One of my friends who had a baby a year previous to me, just somehow managed to be so patronising about every little bit of 'advice'! It was the 'know it all' thing that got to me! It was difficult.
Grit your teeth, bear it and take on board. As someone else has said, you'll be in for a lot more of it over the next few months..!

mimiholls · 06/01/2017 19:45

I feel you and it gets a whole lot worse with the parenting advice once baby is here I'm afraid to say, so you'll need to learn to smile and ignore.

raviolidreaming · 06/01/2017 22:34

The most ridiculous advice I have received to date has been to delay giving birth - by at least a month after due date - to avoid the baby being the youngest in the school year. A close second was to make sure I don't have the baby until 38 weeks.

It is unclear how either of these people expect me to act on their advice.

seven201 · 06/01/2017 22:44

Get used to being given unasked for advice. It ramps up a level once the baby arrives!

LondonRoo · 06/01/2017 23:09

Frankly I think it's rude and patronising however well intentioned. Just because I am pregnant does not mean I have lost the ability to think for myself or make good decisions. What I do is my choice and no one else's.

So here's some unsolicited advice for unsolicited advice givers - STFU and have some respect for people. If I want advice and think you might be in a position to give it, I'll ask.

Actually I think I will start offering this unsolicited advice back to anyone who persistently offers unsolicited advice. Ha!

Roo

calimommy · 07/01/2017 03:37

It's vuuury annoying. I remember well. And as someone else mentioned, yes it is really just the manner in which the 'information' is passed on that is the problem. I've learned to change how I phrase things as a direct result of getting annoyed by know-it-alls. Largely because i later found myself wanting to say the same thing to others! But I'm a firm believer that there is ALWAYS a nice/gentle way to say something, no matter the subject. Try to grin and bear it. Or say 'thanks' in a right-we-are-done-here way 😂 it gets easier when it's your second because you can tell people you've BTDT. And by your third or more people barely notice your pregnancy anymore. It will probably get worse after baby arrives, everyone will have an opinion on how you feed/burp/bath/swaddle/hold/breath around the baby. Have fun!! 👍

MoonlightMojitos · 07/01/2017 08:47

This does my head in too. I know people are just excited or trying to help blah blah blah but it is very annoying! At my works Christmas do I felt like the whole night revolved around people talking about my pregnancy. Let's see if you have a bump yet, have you asked for your beef well done, should you be eating from the cheese board, should you be having a coffee.... most of it is crap anyway and it's the way people say it like you're just not 'allowed' to do anything now. Just smile and nod and scream in your head, it'll only get worse with labour/birth/bringing up baby advise next!

divinemintthins · 07/01/2017 08:49

Thank you, I'll think about that for a nano second. Was my response.

Letsgetreadytorumbleagain · 07/01/2017 08:59

I would try and ignore it tbh. I know it's annoying but don't let it taint your enjoyment of your pregnancy. Also bare in mind they think they know, but I think most of the advice is a bit hit and miss, people say don't eat cheese - well you can eat most cheese - it just needs to be pasteurised or cooked. Same with prawns - people say oh you can't eat prawns - no you can't eat raw prawns, why would I want to! A prawn sandwich from tesco contains cooked prawns people!!! And I still enjoy my hot baths

Also it'll help you to learn how to let it wash over you, because it will only get worse once the baby is here - everyone will have an opinion or judgement on what you're (or not) doing!

Enjoy your pregnancy

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