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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH Denied Paternity Leave

20 replies

FLRC1989 · 03/01/2017 20:14

My other half has just arrived home from work after being told today he can't take Paternity Leave. I'm 37 weeks and now really upset and angry by the thought that we get a week (that he's having to take as holiday) as a new family as this is 1st baby for both.

Neither of us knew that he had to give 15 weeks notice. Obviously as soon as we found out we were expecting he told his workplace so is it there fault that he correct procedure hasn't been followed? Should my MW of said something? Or am I just looking for someone to blame. His company is only a small local one but we are not the first to have a baby there. They've always been trying to wiggle out of him having two weeks or that's how it feels.

I'm now sat in tears at the prospect of being a first time mum on my own after a week between the hours of 8am and 7.30pm.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable I just feel like someone should have told us. 😢

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DeliciouslyHella · 03/01/2017 20:19

I'm so sorry you're in this position.

AFAIK, it's fairly standard for the father to be to approach his employer regarding paternity leave - whether that is the HR department if there is one, or just their manager. It's definitely not your midwife's responsibility. Did your OH put it in writing when he told them?

SpeakNoWords · 03/01/2017 20:21

Unfortunately they don't have to tell you, it's up to you to know the company procedures. That said, it's shitty of the company to do this, as it's going to create ill will and not exactly endear them to your DH.

Can he take any more time off as holiday, or as unpaid leave if you can afford it? Do you have another family member that could come and spend some time with you for the second week?

TeaBelle · 03/01/2017 20:21

Yup, afraid it has to be in writing, dh's company wanted my mat b1 as soon as I had it too, to prove my edd. I think it's down to you to look at the policies in each individual workplace. Could he take annual leave instead?

TeaBelle · 03/01/2017 20:23

Also, it might sound a bit scary but it's really not the end of the world. Dh went to chine when dd was 6 days old, we had very little choice and I just got on with it really. The first time you are left is a bit scary but I don't think it matters at what point it happens. Chin up!

DeepAndCrispAndEvenTheWind · 03/01/2017 20:26

Did he tell them in writing?

My HR manager told me what I needed to send in but if he hadn't, I think it would have been my responsibility.

Laura2507 · 03/01/2017 20:26

I might be wrong but I think men can take paternity in the first year, in a two week block? So could he take annual leave now and then paternity later in the year instead of taking holiday?

Haffdonga · 03/01/2017 20:28

Has he worked for them for more than a year? He could take a week or two parental leave (which would be unpaid). 21 days notice would take it to your due date. It would give him the leave at the time he needs it and would have the added benefit of pissing them off

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1637

Original poster

FLRC1989 · 03/01/2017 20:53

Thank you all.

He didn't put it in writing I guess we were both very niaive about the process. I just have to get on with it, typical it's happened when I'm super hormonal so is probably why I'm so upset. At least we get something I'll just have to look forward to our holiday booked in the summer.

I will look into the bit about taking it at a later date. Thanks for everyone's support I don't feel like a hormonal wreck now.

OP posts:

wannabestressfree · 03/01/2017 21:51

Could he take it over a period of time? Lots of men where I work (teacher) take a day or two a week over an extended period of time?

hula16 · 03/01/2017 21:57

www.gov.uk/employers-paternity-pay-leave/entitlement

Entitlement

Employees may be eligible for Statutory Paternity Leave and Pay if they and their partner are:

having a baby
adopting a child
having a baby through a surrogacy arrangement
Statutory Paternity Leave
Employees can choose to take either 1 week or 2 consecutive weeks’ leave. The amount of time is the same even if they have more than one child (eg twins).

Leave can’t start before the birth. The start date must be one of the following:

the actual date of birth
an agreed number of days after the birth
an agreed number of days after the expected week of childbirth
Leave must finish within 56 days of the birth (or due date if the baby is early). The start and end dates are different if the employee is adopting.

Statutory Paternity Pay
Statutory Paternity Pay for eligible employees is either £139.58 a week or 90% of their average weekly earnings (whichever is lower). Tax and National Insurance need to be deducted.

Calculate an employee’s paternity leave and pay using the maternity and paternity calculator.

Some employment types, like agency workers, directors and educational workers, have different rules for entitlement.

hula16 · 03/01/2017 22:02

Like haffdonga said, parental leave is also an option. It's a statutory right and it is unpaid but he could technically take up to 18 weeks! Lots of colleagues - including myself have used parental leave, can be days or full weeks, employers usually have their own stance on this too, eg I can take half days which isn't in the .gov guidance.

sj257 · 03/01/2017 23:40

That's interesting that leave can't start before the birth.... What happens when you are in labour and they have to take time off to be with you for that?

hula16 · 04/01/2017 01:42

Good question sj! given How long labour can last that must happen! I wonder if anyone checks this bit

riddles26 · 04/01/2017 08:53

Can he ask if he can take it later - the guidance states that he has to finish the leave within 8 weeks of baby being born, could he take it later on so you can have some time bonding together as a family? Baby will also be more alert then which will make it a lovely time for the 3 of you to do things.

It is poor form of the company to give such little flexibility for a genuine mistake - given that he has been allowed a week's holiday, they have enough staff to allow him to be off.

SumAndSubstance · 04/01/2017 12:06

I think it's unkind of them not to have mentioned it when he told them you were pregnant, but I agree that legally they would say he should have approached them. I think PP's suggestion that he might be able to take it later is a good one. A friend of ours who is a teacher did this because his daughter was born in the Summer holidays anyway.

But I would also like to echo that you will be absolutely fine. My DH only took one week when DS was born (employer offered one week full pay or two weeks on half pay so thought we would go for the one week!) and I was actually quite ready to have a go on my own by the time the second week came around.

GahBuggerit · 04/01/2017 12:11

Aww Op this is shit, technically yes he isn't entitled as he wont have given the right notice BUT as its not a surprise them I find it very unpleasant that they aren't just ignoring the fact that he hasnt given the right notice, they could let this go but aren't for whatever reason.

All I can suggest is he appeals to their good nature, if they have any, and apologise for not giving the right notice

Brown76 · 04/01/2017 21:30

You can take the paternity leave up to 56 days after the birth, so he could tell them he'll just take it later (and they'll lose his goodwill for no reason).

OhTheRoses · 04/01/2017 21:43

He didn't request it in time. It isn't the company's fault. When is your baby due? I'd probably be flexible but he isn't statutorily entitled to flexibility.

I usually say that attendance at the birth can be covered by compassionate leave.

I do think there's a bit of over anxiety going on though. Generations of women survived before paternity leave was introduced. DS was born on Xmas Day 1994, DH went back to work on 2nd Jan and my mother came for five days. If I hadn't had a mother, I'd have been on my own. When DD was born I was back on the nursery run when she was 8 days old. One copes.

When one has children one just has to get organised. You have to sort out the best schools, admissions criteria, application deadlines etc. This is the tip of the iceberg.

SpeakNoWords · 04/01/2017 21:57

Thank goodness that there is generally paternity leave then, these days, and most women don't just have to cope. It's not over anxious at all I think.

A week is no time at all, even assuming there are no complications. Both my children were in hospital (as was I) for a week, with DS1 I was in hospital for 5 days before he was born as well. I was in a right state after the EMCS and couldn't have looked after DS1 on my own if DP had only had one week off work. It wasn't about not being organised, it was about physical recovery. Thankfully DP took some more annual leave, and then my mum came down for another week after that.

sj257 · 04/01/2017 22:55

One has to cope does one?

Ridiculous, ignore that OP!

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