Confession : I don't want to breast feed

[beansbananas]

I know that the general rule is that breast is best, and that if you can then you should breast feed your baby. And before you jump to the wrong conclusion, I do actually intend to try and breast feed when my baby arrives, it's just that if I'm honest it's not something I actually want to do. Am I the only one who thinks it's a terrifying concept and a little bit gross? The thought of sore, bleeding nipples, mastitis or thrush is overwhelming to me, and I have seen so many of my friends in tears and at breaking point over trying to keep breast feeding despite the pain or struggles to get them to latch on properly, and get enough milk. The peer pressure is just ridiculous, and I hate the expectation that you should keep at it, no matter what. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't feel like you can admit you don't want to breast feed without being horribly judged, so would love to know if there are other mum's to be who also find it daunting and also hear any survival tips from mum's who have persevered with it.

Breast is only best in theory. If you don't want to do it then clearly that's not what's best for you and the baby.

However ... I'd caution that bottle feeding has its downsides too. In the early days of bottle feeding my twins I had one who would frequently projectile vomit his entire feed, and another who'd take 30 minutes of winding at the end. No such problems with breastfeeding. I went from being adamant throughout my pregnancy that I wanted to mix feed to being desperate to breastfeed exclusively.

How about just giving it a go? That way your options are open, and if you decide you still don't want to do it then stop.

I love BFing and would hate to think of people doing it this long who hate it and feel pressured. It's something you'll do many many times a day. Don't if you don't want to.

For what it's worth, if you go into it with a "just in case" case of bottles and formula and a perfect prep etc you'll undoubtedly use them at 3am when you're tired and emotional and (still!!!!) feeding.

If you go into BF understanding it - having the Netflix ready for cluster feeding etc then you stand a much better chance of succeeding but that's only should you want to.

Don't feel pressured, the early days are hard enough

Don't do it if you don't want to. It is your business, no-one else's.

I have never breast fed, just didn't want the restrictions, needed to return to work at 3 months and felt it would make it harder, and just did not like the idea of it. I have 4 healthy dcs, and have never regretted my decision despite being told on numerous occasions that I would . I also bonded well with them all. Do what makes you happy/comfortable.

Agree with Pp, your body your baby your choice.

However just to balance the horror stories you have been told: I had my daughter at 21 and Was so fixated on the birth that I never actually thought which way I would prefer to feed her. My only prep was watching a YouTube video about correct latch whilst I was in slow labour at hospital. We couldn't do early skin to skin and it was a few hours before her first feed and we had ZERO problems with BF. No pain, no bleeding, no weight or supply problems and I'm sure a lot of that was due to the fact that I didn't really know there COULD be difficultieS so just did what I found natural.

Not trying to persuade you at all it just sounds like you've had a very doom and gloom image created of BF by those around you in real life! Xx

I think that unless you're really determined to do it from the start, you probably won't stick it out anyway. I'm bf DS2 at the moment and it's unbelievably hard. DS1 was a nightmare because he didn't want to feed but DS2 wants to feed ALL THE TIME so it's challenging in a very different way. The early weeks are basically complete torture and I can 100% understand why people might want to stop. Just warning you in advance so you can make your peace with it if that's what happens.

Don't feel bad at all!

I found it really difficult to breast feed as DS has a tongue tie. He tried but after 10 minutes he would pull away, still hungry. The midwives said they would only refer me for his tongue tie to be cut if he was exclusively breast fed, which is just fucking stupid. I tried for a few days and then went onto formula.

I'm glad I did because it means that anyone and everyone can get involved in the feeding process, and I don't have to worry about expressing when he's being looked after.

He is a happy healthy boy, and that's all that matters! Fed is best :)

Science has advanced to a place where babies do not need to depend on mothers milk, and that's a good thing.

I love feeding my baby. She's so close and she loves it so much. So far we've been lucky - sore nipples and that was it. I will probably have to stop at 4-5 months for practical reasons but that will make me quite sad.

Breastfed all 3 dc's. First 8 weeks were hell for all tbh. But after that, it's the easiest thing ever.

Main things are sore nipples, use lansinoh, expensive but worth it. Milk takes a few days to come in. The colostrum is super concentrated and they don't need much. They might be fussy, crying at the breast. Normal. They feed constantly in evenings to stimulate supply. They feed constantly with growth spurts. All normal. You will produce enough milk.

Any lumps, massage out in hot shower for 15 minutes until gone. That will avoid mastitis. I had that 3 times with dc1.

It's very hard. But so worth it. You really do need a supportive DH too.

Although I don't get the pressure of breastfeeding. I'm in the 1% still bf. So if anyone should feel crap, it's the breastfeeders. We seem to be the hippy weirdo breast feeding mafia mummas

Thrush pain was worse than getting to 5cms for me. I ended up with mastitis too, and horrendous cracked nipples. Plus DS simply wasn't full, ever, off breast milk.

I think a lot of people make martyrs of themselves over it, to no real benefit.

I thought I'd give it a try, we are still going 3 years later. Never imagined I would be breastfeeding this long or not really. It just happened. See how you feel when your baby arrives.

I didn't have a choice to breatfeed. My son was a permie and the meds I was on made my milk toxic for such a tiny baby, however other mothers have judged me for not going with breastfeeding. My friend (breastfeeding mother) supports me as she says no one knows what you've been through and who are they to pass judgment, plus my husband enjoys the bonding with DS. Stick with what works for all three of you, it's your baby and your body. Good luck 😊

Every mother and baby are unique, and it is impossible to know how it'll work out for you. I think best thing is to enter into it with an open mind and be informed about different options.

On the benefits/perils of combination feeding - most BFing mums I know used the occasional bottle. I don't actually know anyone for whom bottle feeding wrecked breastfeeding (though it clearly does happen as PPs have said). I do know people who had bottle-refusers who desperately wished they'd introduced a bottle earlier (although who knows whether it would have made any difference?) - the inability to leave their baby with anyone else for a feed really got to them.

So it's a bit of a gamble either way and depends how wedded you are to BFing vs having the option of bottle feeding.

FWIW I had to bottle feed DS before we could BF (actually we could have persevered with syringe feeding but it was a miserable experience for all involved) but he picked up BFing after that and we mix-fed for over a year.

I'm 7 months in and I hate it, I went through hell at the beginning but felt I couldn't give up.
My baby loves being breastfed so I feel like I can't stop yet, its slightly better now she's on solids but god I can't wait to stop.

One of the other pros of BFing is that sticking a boob in it is a brilliant solution to 90% of unhappy baby problems. Crying? Boob. Restless? Boob. Not sleeping? Boob. Poorly? Boob. Easy! The downside is that you might find that the only thing that will pacify them when they are crying/restless/not sleeping/poorly is boob.

Honestly it is pot luck - some find it easy from day 1, some struggle. Some love it some hate it. Some think it is best decision the ever made others wish they'd never bothered.

Don't feel bad because it grosses you out. I have an near phobia of it. Anyone who tries to make me do it will wish they hadn't. And even if I wanted to I couldn't because I'll be back on shift a few weeks after birth so it wouldn't work for me.

I breastfed non-stop for 13 years. I loved it and could not fathom the faff with bottle-feeding.

Do whatever you want.

I didn't want to bf - then ds was prem and I was pressured into expressing by the midwives. Found that wasn't too bad - I had plenty milk even if I didn't express overnight etc (ds was in nicu, I was sent home)

When he was a bit bigger I was pressurised into putting him to the breast. He took to it - I hated it but it wasn't painful or anything. We went home and I persevered. I hated all the health visitors asking to see him feed etc but hey ho.

Then ds fell seriously ill - temperature and blood sugar bottomed. Nobody could tell us why- we watched him deteriorate for over a week with lots of invasive investigations until a young doctor said he thought it might be linked to some Meds I was on (for v high blood pressure - deemed safe for feeding)

I stopped feeding him and he turned the corner overnight.

I was so emotional but the thing which very, very nearly pushed me over the edge was a bitch of a 'breastfeeding support' woman refusing to believe what had happened - her parting shot on leaving ds' hospital bedside was 'silly doctors, we know mummy's milk is best don't we'

Too much fucking pressure from all sides.

We've had a long road to BFing (2 weeks of pumping & bottles, 2 weeks of nipple shields and finally weaned off the shields a month ago, only for DD to give my thrush as the shields had been protecting me from her oral thrush!). We are still fighting the thrush and have spent about $500 (we're in Aus) since she was born on equipment to keep me feeding and on prescriptions for the thrush (and I look longingly at my NHS medical exemption card in my purse every time I pay for another! 😩), but that is worth it to me. Even with all of these issues, this is a price my husband and I have been willing to pay for breastfeeding, as I personally find it more convenient than bottles and I love the time spent with my DD doing it. Possibly something to do with the fact that I was a nanny before becoming a Mum, mainly nannying babies, and wanted something different so it didn't feel like 'work!'.
Some people (very rightly!!) don't want to breastfeed. Some people will find bottle feeding more convenient. It's no ones business, as long as your baby is being fed. But as PP have said, be honest about your choices so that hopefully, one day, people will start accepting that bottle/breast/combination of either, is best! Fed, happy babies are best, IMHO.
Enjoy the end of your pregnancy!

I rang the MLU I plan to give birth at yesterday to ask what I need to bring with me for the first feed and was immediately asked why I wasn't going to BF

Third baby, two attempts to breastfeed, both (especially the last) times the early weeks/months ruined by the pain and stress of it all. My experience is unusual and extreme but I ended up hospitalised with an abscess.

Am so much more relaxed this time as the decision has been taken away from me due to extensive breast surgery that removed most if not all of my milk ducts.

All that said, I would love to be one of those women that can BF easily and in these cases I think it's wonderful! But when you do have problems, they really are miserable.

I tried it and it hurt but he got his first feed from me and I feel a better person because of that, I'm due again soon and want to try again but deep down I'm only doing it because he's going to be poorly and it will be much better for him so I'm going to try and stick to it this time but I know it will hurt and I won't enjoy it at all

You don't have to breastfeed if you don't feel comfortable doing so. Don't bend to the pressure that will (inevitably) be imposed on you by others.

I breastfed all of mine, but chose to wean each of them at 12mo, despite other peoples' "you should let them self wean", "it's better for their immune system to continue" spiel. I wasn't comfortable continuing to breastfeed walking, talking children who were eating normal food and drinking cows milk, and who had mouths full of teeth, so I stopped.

Motherhood in the beginning stages is trying enough without adding on the pressure of feeding them a particular way. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to use formula, it exists for a reason after all.

When i first got pregnant I cent exactly the same. Didn't want to breastfeed, just didn't like the idea at all. DM and DH were horrified when i told them. For some reason the further my pregnancy progressed the more i felt OK about breastfeeding and agreed to give it a go. I ended up breastfeeding 2 DC for 12 months each. It wasn't always easy but i found that once i was past the 6 weeks mark feeding became a lot easier and i couldn't really be bothered with the faff of sterilising bottles so just carried on (plus both DC were bottle refusers so i didn't have much choice). Don't put too much pressure on yourself. you've said you're willing to give it a go so give it a go and see how you feel, you can always stop if it doesn't work out. You might feel completely different once the baby arrives

Oh and would definitely recommend lansinoh as past posters have mentioned. Soooooo soothing