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Original poster

Friend going though miscarriage

12 replies

summerskittles91 · 21/12/2016 13:56

One of my closest friends is going through a miscarriage, and having been through the same thing myself earlier this year, I've tried to be supportive and been talking to her, asking how she is and so on.

I feel like I want to get her a hamper of stuff to make her feel better or just a gift she will appreciate. I know myself i didnt have anyone I could talk to so it was a difficult time. It just feels hard because I feel like I'm going through it again and it has messed with my emotions. Just wanted to make sure she gets through it ok. I'm pregnant myself now too so don't want to seem to overbearing either.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
TallyHoAndToodlePip · 21/12/2016 14:15

I've never had a miscarriage or know someone who has but I'm very sorry you and your friend have Flowers

I can't suggest a gift having no experience to draw on, but would ask you what you would have liked to have received (if anything?) whilst you were trying to get through the same thing? Aside from having someone to share the experience with and talk to freely, which she now has in you, is there anything physical that could have been given to you that would have bought you some peace and comfort? Or would you have been happy to receive something as simple as some nice flowers to show people were thinking of you?

You sound like a lovely friend to want to do this for her though Smile

Dozer · 21/12/2016 14:17

Sorry to hear this. I think a hamper or even a gift might be too much for some people in the circumstances: you've expressed your sorrow for her and that you're there for her.

Dozer · 21/12/2016 14:18

I personally would have liked flowers but a friend who received flowers after a mc hated that!

Garethea · 21/12/2016 14:25

When I had mine the thing I needed most was someone to talk to. I needed reassurance that what I was feeling was ok. It felt like I was grieving forever and it is still a taboo subject so not many people are comfortable talking about it. The best thing one of my friends did was pop over with some nice cake and we had coffee. It gave me opportunity to talk if I wanted to but also meant we could just chat and distract me a little. Sometimes just being around them is really comforting.

Just be there for her and keep in touch so that she knows she can come to you if she needs to.

Original poster
summerskittles91 · 21/12/2016 14:49

Thank you everyone. I may pop over with some chocolates and cake, and have a chat with her. x

OP posts:
CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 21/12/2016 17:22

When I had one a friend popped round with flowers, chocolates and ice cream. I appreciated the gesture

m33r · 21/12/2016 17:52

I liked 'thinking of you' texts to remind me other people thought of my mc. One of my friends sent me flowers; one a jumper and a group clubbed together to get me a massage (I have lovely friends) but tbh I appreciated their sending me messages, letting me talk and just being there loads more than the lovely gifts. X

Seahawk80 · 21/12/2016 18:33

Not quite the same but I had my 12 week scan last week and came back 1/13 for downs and 1/14 for Edwards and Pataus. My best friend was great, just let me know she was thinking of me and kept in touch, she also sent me this lovely 'bear hug' gift with a candle, chocolate and cosy socks. Luckily I had good news yesterday but it was really lovely and if it had been bad news I'd still have really liked it. I've attached a pic. As others have said the fact that she was there for me helped he most. I hope your friend is ok.

Friend going though miscarriage
oatybiscuits · 21/12/2016 18:34

Sounds like a plan. Bear in mind mc means different things to different people and she might cope with it better or worse than you. I was completely devastated when I miscarried at 6ish weeks. By far the most insensitive responses I had were from people who'd also had miscarriages but had obviously been less affected

MrsMillions · 21/12/2016 18:37

When I had one, DSis posted me a magazine and some chocolate. It was perfect. Although vet the magazine contents - I see Peter Andre is on the front of OK this week with his new baby, and that wouldn't be welcome. Grazia may be a safer bet.

GreedyDuck · 21/12/2016 18:48

I've been going through a miscarriage for the last couple of weeks, and the things that have meant the most are the friends who have made the effort to check in with me every other day or so just to let me talk, or not talk, about how I was feeling. Other things that would have been welcome are a nice soft blanket, or a voucher for a masssage/facial for when I'm feeling up to it as all the hormonal ups and downs and physical side of the first trimester have taken their toll.

Gardencentregroupie · 21/12/2016 18:50

I got sent a colouring book and pens when I had mine, it gave me something to take my mind off things that didn't require any actual brainpower and was much appreciated

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