AIBU that I'm freaked out by MIL & FIL

[user1473539918]

Hey! So I am just over 3 months pregnant, all new and exciting all be it slightly over whelming being my first time and first experience.
My SIL is also pregnant, due before me.
So our in laws have naturally been excited about the arrival of their first grandchildren.
HOWEVER....I feel they have taken it to the extreme....I am new to this, first child, and newly pregnant but I am put off by going to their house or even spending time with them as I feel totally over bared by them at the moment:....basically they have turned their spare room into a nursery. Crib, wardrobe, changing station. Clothes in wardrobe....play kitchen in the corner the works...is this normal....I feel like they expect our children to be staying there all the time. They want to buy their own pushchair, car seat, everything. I feel it's totally OTT? Am I being hormonal and dramatic? I haven't seen the room only been told about it but I don't feel I even want to see it!! How do I deal with this, I don't know what to do or say. I obviously can't avoid it forever, and probably lucky that my SIL is due before me so she can deal with it first but any advice!! TIA

It sounds a bit OTT! - but you may find that as time goes by it is helpful not to have to cart stuff around when you visit. Once you have had this baby you will realise pdq the amount of general stuff that you finish up dragging around.

I have 7 DGC and over the years we have gradually accumulated quite a few bits of baby/child kit - usually hand-me-downs acquired from charity shops etc. We certainly did not spend real money on it. We look after a few of them regularly and my hallway is chock-a-bloc with plastic cars, boxes of books and toys. They quite like having the novelty of "Grandma" toys when they come here. As they get older, the stuff gets recycled and used again by someone else.

I must admit we did wait till the children were actually here!

Unless you think your in-laws are crass enough to try and "take over" and keep telling you what to do then just revel in the fact that your child will have lots of people to love him/her and that you will have lots of support.

I expect that they are just excited at the sudden future arrival of 2 GC at a time! I was in that situation once - I still look at the photos of them as babies and struggle to remember which is which! - only don't tell my DDs!!

Just to comment on your last post OP - I wouldn't dream of turning up at someone's house unless specifically invited, not even my parents/family or best friends, and I think a lot of people feel the same.

I wish my PILs were like this.

Hm, not weird at all, they are just excited.
My mil lives overseas and she does not have babyroom but she has high chait cot and a stroller. She has a full play room in addition. I remember having our first and stressing out about who is going to visit first, are they staying with us or not and so on. They are not going to put your baby in that room unless you are cool with it and later on you will find it very useful when the baby is a bit older or you have a second wanting to spend time with your dh and them babysit. Now the gift thing is a bit strange where they said we got this for you and put in it spare room.

It's a tough one isn't it? I have no ILs cos they both sadly died. MIL would have been ecstatic but not sure she'd have spent real money on loads of kit.

My own parents, my mum thinks I am a terrible mother if I ask them to have DD overnight or whilst I get a scale and polish. She even charges me if she has to buy nappies when I have miscalculated how many there are left in the packets I leave there. I get the speech, "I've had my children. This is your child. You look after her. Not me." At the same time she cries if I have to leave DD with DH or pay for essential childcare.

My mother in law has done this - she lives 2.5 hours away and we visit about twice a year. We will not be visiting more often with a new baby and the level of expectation that this suggests makes me furious.

My in laws were exactly the same, they had a cot and change table and it's etc etc set up too.

I was quite upset by this too at the beginning, the Mil was a bit of a crazy and complained that I chose to BF as it meant they could have Ds when he was a baby, she also ridiculed me for using Mcn rather than disposables.

In the end when I came to it nobody can force you to hand over your baby until you are ready. I rarely had the babysit, and never overnight although if we were visiting it was nice to use a cot for nap times etc.

Don't stress too much they are probably just way too excited and when it comes around you will just do whatever is right for you and your baby