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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Are we crazy having three?

85 replies

99redballoons · 12/02/2007 11:57

It was a big decision for us as we're very comfortable with two and weren't quite sure if we could afford three, but we just couldn't help ourselves and thought we'd just go for it and see if it happened. We thought six months of trying and we'll accept whatever happens. Low and behold we're pregnant the first time of trying (this has never happened before for us, usually atleast 7 months!). So we were surprised but pleasantly so.

Everyone we encounter seems to say "was it planned"..."are you surprised"..."how do you feel about three"... And no-one has just said "how lovely for you".

Is having three really such a brave (?) thing to do? Will having three really change our lives that much? (must admit the money side of it does worry me, but money isn't everything right?!) With all these comments I'm starting to feel like, what have we done?? Was it really the right thing to do? Reassuring comments needed

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HumphreysCorner · 13/02/2007 18:22

Congratulations! We have 2 DD's and DH and I have always said 3 is the new 2 so can't wait for all 'the comments' if and when I fall PG again. (But not until next year though).

porolli · 13/02/2007 18:38

I have three and also had all the comments. My youngest is just one and tbh it has been the most difficult year of my life. dh was less keen than me for no. 3 and the first 6-9 months put a big strain on our relationship. i'm not trying to be negative, just truthful! people told me ds2 would 'just slot in' and that has emphatically not happened. however, he was a difficult baby and has lots of food allergies, which complicates things. and the others were only 4 and 2 when he was born. also, about a month ago, I suddenly realised that life did feel a bit easier. and, whilst I still sometimes imagine life with two and think how much easier it would be, I then look at his little face and also the joy he brings to my other children and think it was meant to be.

strongteabag · 13/02/2007 18:52

I LOVE having three. It's amazing how quickly you forget how 'easy' it is with one less, I found after the initial month everything settles down. I am enjoying my third so much more, I waste much more time cuddling him, gazing at him and kissing his tinylittle feet. The older two love him and doo the same. There has been no jealousy as the older two occupy each other and are used to sharing and they know life doesn't revolve round them. We did have to sell our car and by a bigger car, but we just bought a car that was a few years older and only had to fork out a few hundred pounds.

With two children I found their relationship very intense, I'm hoping with 3 that this wont be the case.

Only one drawback for me is food. I have a hungry husband, two hungry boys and because I am breastfeeding I eat a lot. Our food bill is pretty big and I am fully aware that it is going to get bigger! ALso, I will really have to restrain myself, I could easily have another couple of babies.

cori · 13/02/2007 18:53

I dont know if your mad or not, but Congratulations anyway

bambi06 · 13/02/2007 18:57

does i t really cos tmore when youhave three? what costs doyou mean..we wont have to change the car as my oldest by aug wont have to use a booster seat anymore as hes tall and my dd will be 6 and in a booster so the baby will fit in the back no problem and we dont have a people carrier! we still have buggy etc but will need more clothes as we got rid of them all..we really didint think wed have anymore...never say never!!
we have all our child benefit paid into investments which will mature to a nice figure when they reach university age so wont have the costs of uni to fork out..very handy ..we even have their property sorted out for when theyre older[ 2 bed flat which we rent out!therefore paying off the mortgage ] i suppose hols will cost more but we probably wont go as often..but we house swop with friends abroad so it doesnt cost too much..we`ve been very organised so that we can retire comfortably without too many money worries and no were not rolling in it..just average jo blogs!

frenziednester · 13/02/2007 19:47

I am unexpectedly pg with no 3, and found people's comments quite hurtful - I get 'are you MAD' a lot, and they only back off when I tell them it wasn't planned. I also get a lot of 'you must be desperate for a girl' comments, which I find offensive as both my boys were totally wanted and I couldn't be without either of them (well, maybe at 5 am..... ). Sometimes I wonder if the mere fact people are defensive and a bit rude when they know I am going to have 3 is because they have decided that is not the appropriate life choice for them, and need to defend it.... I think that happens a lot generally in motherhood, about all sorts of issues such as birth method, feeding, etc etc. People's opinions (especially acquaintances rather than friends) can tend to be more about them than about you.

luckymummybigfattummy · 13/02/2007 20:00

My sister in law is pg with no 4. Only ever wanted 2 children, no.3 and no.4 not planned. There is a lesson to be learned girls, the withdrawal method is NOT RELIABLE contraception!!!! (whoever thought it was?!).

Her 3 kids will be 14,13 and 9 when dc4 born. She is nearly 40. Bit of a shock to all invloved. I think she has had some funny comments too. She is a fab mummy though, she'll be fine. I think cos the other kids are so much older they will all be a great help. They are all v excited.

At the end of the day, who's business is it anyway??!!!

josben · 13/02/2007 20:04

I've got ds1 5, ds2 4, and dd1 7 months... When I was pregnant i got lots of jokey 'god you must be mads' and 'bet you're hoping for a girl...' This was a bit annoying but I think sometimes people just say these comments for something to say...

Now DD1 is here things are hectic and busy, I can't seem to get on top of my washing or housework (washing pile has gone in to overdrive) But... It's absolutely lovely having 3 - and I think that it's true (as poppies in a line said) that that we feel more like family, I also agree that that going from 1 to 2 was a bigger shock than going from 1 to 3. (Although I did only have 17 months between DS1 & DS2! )
Don't worry - it can hard work but it's fab!

itsazoohere · 13/02/2007 20:08

Not meen on mumsnet for a few weeks, but just noticed this and wanted to post a huge NO! You're not mad at all. Was just thinking how lucky I am to have my family (dd11, dd6 and dd2wks) with the smallest two curled up asleep on me.........and then one of them peed on me. But it's great with three! So am I mad for thinking about a number 4?

itsazoohere · 13/02/2007 20:08

oops, not much sleep. meant been. sorry!

Elasticwoman · 13/02/2007 20:19

Wait till hormones settle before you make that decision Itzazoo but in the meantime Congratulations! (from an unplanned 4th baby whose parents had to move house to accommodate her).

itsazoohere · 13/02/2007 20:33

Thank you! Although I love the 5 yr age gap, had just thought it would be really nice to have another fairly soon to keep this little one company (and out of the older two's hair). So watch this space!

worzella · 13/02/2007 20:47

3 is great - mad at times, almost continuous washing and yes, I got all those comments too - esp the gender one as i had 2 ds aleady.
All I can say is that the family didn't feel complete with 2 and now with 3 it does.
I found it harder going from 2 to 3 but I think that was because I had to start the school run with DS1 when DD was only 3weeks old and also DS2 was a very very lively 22month old.... 6 months on it all seems so normal!
Congratulations!

sonniebonnie · 13/02/2007 21:20

Would it be wrong if, after two dds or two dss, to prefer a baby of the other gender? Of course all parents will love whatever baby they are lucky enough to be given by god, but surely it is ok to have a preference. To have the experience to raise both boys and girls?

I was just wondering about this as many of you had found such questions upsetting when announcing a third pregnancy.

bagaboo · 13/02/2007 21:23

I'm one of three and we all love having each other there - it made playing games more fun and now we can all look out for eachother. I'm sure it will be great, congratulations! Don't think i'm going to be allowed 2, let alone 3!

sweetkitty · 13/02/2007 21:41

No and congratulations!

I have 2 DDs (2.6 and 1 yo) and we are planning to TTC no3 in June this year. Two just doesn't seem enough, there's still someone missing. Another little person who I've yet to meet. DP and I always talk about when DD1's at school, DD2's at nursery and no3??? I do think DP would love a boy this time I think it's natural to want a baby the same sex as yourself. If I had 2 DS's I would want a girl. But I do think a little girly gang would be lovely too. I do panic sometimes though and think "am I mad!" I will have 3 under 5 eek! but I'm sure it will all be worth it.

LolaT · 14/02/2007 04:24

We are TTC #3 now (DD1 is nearly 5; DD2 just turned 3), and I'm with you -- it feels like a huge decision.

DH and I had decided when DD2 was just a babe that we were happy with two, and found all sorts of reasons why two would be perfect. And I think we both believed it at one point. But for the past six months it's been on my mind a lot. As in, daily. After asking myself and everyone I know this question (should we go for #3?) a thousand times, a good friend stopped me mid-sentence and said, "If you keep talking about it and keep thinking about it, you're not done. When you're done having babies, it won't consume you anymore."

I think she's right. It will always be sad to do the "lasts" with your youngest, but I think on this one you have to go with your heart.

eidsvold · 14/02/2007 05:00

about to have no3 in Mar and can attest to those comments - as we already have 2 dds - a lot of people are assuming we went on to no3 because we wanted a ds - tbh - we don't care either way regarding the gender.

When this babe arrives I will have 3 under 5 there will be a gap of 2 yrs 4 months between dd2 and this babe, same gap as between dd1 and dd2. As we are still in baby/toddler world I don't think it will come as such a big shock iyswim although everyone keeps telling me I will have my hands full.

FWIW - those feelings of what have we done - lots of parents have those when they are having their second or third or fourth or so on. Even know I think - oh boy - especially when the dds are fighting like cats and dogs and I am exhausted - what on earth am I going to do with three!! BUT we can't wait for no3 to arrive. I will feel my family is complete then.

nearlyfourbob · 14/02/2007 06:41

How lovely for you.

It must have been the right thing - you got pregnant straight away!

foxabout2pop · 14/02/2007 06:57

99 - I'm PG with three and have had to put up with loads of comments like "why do you want another, you've got one of each haven't you?" and more pointedly, "are you mad?"

Mad, possibly, yes but three is a crowd and its lovely to live with a little crowd of children surely? Three seems like a small brood which is nice - not too few, not too many.

Holidays will be more expensive yes but I feel very proud that soon I'll be a mother of three (in about 2 weeks!!)

Go for it - you know you'll regret it if you don't!!

Original poster

99redballoons · 14/02/2007 11:19

Thanks all for the further comments.

LolaT, that's exactly how we felt, very much 50-50 to start with, but the constant craving and picturing that third smiling face just told us to go for it. And as nearlyfourbob says, I guess it's meant to be if it happened first time (all previous pg's took many months to conceive!)

The 'it's never quiet' comments are starting to worry me though!

OP posts:

fennel · 14/02/2007 11:48

Don't worry about the noise, all you have to do is occasionally parcel one off to a friend, and then the relative quiet and order of just having two will seem really peaceful and easy .

I don't mind the noise, I like bustle and noise and lots of people around the house. it's the laundry and mess which get to me.

hugeheadofhair · 14/02/2007 13:03

Yes, I think 3 is the new 2. Lots of my friends have gone for 3 and the ones who haven't are defending themselves! It shouldn't matter to anyone really, everybody has to do whatever suits them.
And when people say "Are you mad" don't they mean it in a kind of admiring way? I have 3 DSs and I get lots of admiration for having them, funnily enough. I just enjoy it though, take the comments as a compliment

cupcakesgalore · 14/02/2007 14:47

99, I have 3 and am expecting no. 4. We really enjoy our 3 and get by ok. We're not massively well off but cope and it's just such a joy to see 3 smiling faces. 3 does seem to becoming more commonplace, but still people react negatively to it. I found that with my 3rd and esp. with my 4th. You'll have a great time with all your children, so enjoy yr. pregnancy and don't worry about years to come. Our theory is that one way or another things work out!

crayon · 14/02/2007 16:51

Three is lovely . DH and I were at home with two today (DS1 was a school) and the family felt too small somehow.

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