Baby shower

[CupofTeaTime]

My best friend is arranging a baby shower for me (despite me saying I wasn't that bothered about having one) and she has set up a Facebook group for all the invitees (I am not added to the group as she wants to keep the activities etc as a surprise) anyway, I have been told that she has posted a message to everyone invited 'suggestions' for gifts (a range of baby clothing that I said I liked), as well as asking people to bring something for a hamper for me. I am mortified as this isn't what I would personally have done, I feel it's so cheeky to ask for gifts especially one for baby and one for me too. I'm embarrassed and not sure if I should tell my friend to post another message saying Gifts are not compulsory.... wwyd?

Definately say something to your friend about it, just say as much as you appreciate her efforts you would prefer nothing mentioned about gifts. We took the same approach with our wedding, we said absolutely nothing about gifts, no cheesy poems and no gift lists. I felt much much nicer about it! (Of course we got loads of gifts and money but our guests didn't think we expected it!).

My best friend has done something similar and I have just completely taken myself out of the situation. I don't want to know anything about it, then I can't feel awkward. People always bring gifts to a shower as that's what it's all about isn't it really. I really didn't want a shower either but so long as I can say I have absolutely no input I hope no one will think I've been rude

If it's a shower, then there has to be gifts (it's the whole point - the very name is short for 'shower with gifts'), so no you can't really change that.

But you could tell your friend that you want to cancel the idea of a shower, and could there just be a 'last blast before the baby's here' party

I organised a baby shower for my friend last year. I said nothing about gifts... but got asked so many questions about what to get her (and didn't really know what to say as she hadn't done much shopping herself at the time!) so I think it's quite sweet that she knows something you'd like.

I think people do expect to bring something for an afternoon of being entertained. By saying a clothing range it's nice that they can spend as much or as little as they like.

If people don't like the idea of it being suggested they bring something then it won't reflect on you as the whole thing sounds like a surprise

For my sisters baby shower I said no gifts of cards to keep it equal as some people like to wait until the baby is born and didn't want them to feel they had to buy twice. I asked everyone to bring a book for the baby and to write inside why they chose it. I thought this was a good idea as you can pick one up for £1 if you didn't want to spend much or from a charity shop. It worked well :)

Thanks everyone, I'll just not say anything and hope people aren't offended! Perhaps they will appreciate being steered towards what to buy like some posters have said. Thank you!

I'm not a fan of baby showers for this reason and wouldn't like being told I needed to buy two gifts. I buy very generously- especially for new babies but this kind doesn't sit well with me. Having said that I went to an American friends baby shower and it was beautifully hosted and really fun, no gift list/being told what to bring and I happily bought a lovely gift for her. I think if it's left up to those attending to chose their gift and made clear gifts are optional it's fine. I also think it will reflect on you even though you've not chosen the approach and I'd have a word asking the organiser to update attendees with a 'xxx is so happy you're able to make the shower baby and doesn't want anyone to feel they have to bring a gift'.