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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone ever given birth with just midwives, no partner or family?

12 replies

NK7995a1caX11eb0ed0bae · 06/09/2016 20:16

We've been told today that my partner is deploying on Friday for 3 weeks (but previous experience tells us it could quite possibly be longer). I'm currently 35 weeks and he'll be back, all being well, at 39 weeks.

We've only just moved, all my friends and family are hundreds of miles away. My MiL is round the corner and will be looking after our 2.5 year old while I give birth, whether or not my partner makes it home in time. There's no one else at all that can have her.

I'd prefer a hospital birth just because I feel safer there with all the lovely drugs, but if the baby decides he's making an early appearance I'll be doing it alone. If I have a home birth then there's always the option of MiL being here. She's lovely, we get on well but I'm not particularly comfortable with the idea of having her as a birth partner, or my DD around to see me in pain or be denied my attention.

Has anyone delivered with just hospital staff? Or know anyone who has? The thought makes me want to cry, I don't want to do it alone but I might have to.

I'm so sad at this surprise deployment and my head is in a muddle, I just don't know what plan is for the best.

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fabulous01 · 06/09/2016 20:19

Just to say I would be in a muddle too! Personally I would want to be in hospital so I would work around that. I suppose you need to do what you need to do and I would also want someone to be comfortable with. Good luck with it.

FuzzyOwl · 06/09/2016 20:19

How about a doula or seeing if there are any nearby antenatal classes where you can see if there is any kind of support system in place for people in a similar situation?

ScarfForAGiraffe · 06/09/2016 20:21

Investigate Doulas

expatinscotland · 06/09/2016 20:23

I did. I had to travel 1.5 hours to hospital to have DS , no family, middle of the night, DH had to stay with our daughters. It was fine!

Biscuitsneeded · 06/09/2016 20:27

I did this (unplanned) with DC2 because it all happened very fast and DP didn't make it in time. To be honest it was far simpler than having him there because he got a bit bored during DC 1's birth and really couldn't do anything useful. I wouldn't wilfully have deprived him of the experience of seeing his child born but he didn't really mind as he missed all the groaning and the gory bit and arrived in time to be handed a clean baby. The midwives were kind and brought me tea, toast etc until he arrived, and I was quite happy on my own. It was all quick and straightforward though. Could a relative you trust come and stay for a bit from 37 weeks until your DP gets back, just in case?

isitginoclock · 06/09/2016 20:28

I was in a similar situation with my second, and after thinking it through I wanted my DS being looked after by my mum than having her with me and him with a stranger. It helped me to think up a plan and then focus on that. I went to the labour ward a few times during my later antenatal appointments so if I had to do it on my own I'd know where to go. We asked an aquaintance to be our back up if there was a last minute change of plan/ emergency.

Robinkitty · 06/09/2016 20:31

I almost did, I laboured through the night in hospital by myself. Called dh when I started pushing he got there last 5 minutes.
I was fine, I almost didn't call dh, I don't know why.

YesILikeItToo · 06/09/2016 20:37

Not really, but kind of, I had people there I didn't really choose or want. The relevant point being, the midwives were very aware I was on my own and really looked after me. We were alone for delivery and it was grand.

MidMay · 06/09/2016 20:41

As a midwife I've cared for a number of women without birth partners. From my perspective you can totally focus on the woman without distraction of others around. It can be a lovely dynamic.

P1nkP0ppy · 06/09/2016 20:42

Yes, I didn't have DH there for either of my DCs. He refused to come because he was so squeamish so I did it without him (infinitely preferable to having to worry about him!)
It was absolutely fine.

Original poster

NK7995a1caX11eb0ed0bae · 06/09/2016 20:49

Thank you all. I've had a very quick look at doulas but they're (understandably) very expensive, and I'd need to book and pay the deposit with no idea if I would actually need her. It's definitely one for the back pocket though!

My mum has fairly advanced dementia and my dad has just been diagnosed with cancer, even if we had space for them to stay they're not really in any position to help. Everyone else is younger and working and can't really drop their lives to come and stay.

Nice to hear it was a positive experience for some though, thanks for sharing . I'm hoping that the thought of it would be worse than the reality. Well actually I'm hoping he stays put and DP gets home when he's been told he will. Oh, and that DD miraculously becomes incredibly self sufficient for the next few weeks while I'm a huffing, grumbling whale!

OP posts:

Laura05 · 07/09/2016 00:29

I was had a super quick labour with DS. Ambulance, blue flashy lights, got to hospital, 3 pushes and there he was
DH missed it as he was waiting on one of our mums to turn up to watch DD.
In all honesty it happened that quick that he didn't really miss much! He was bored during labour with DD (again quite quick) but he was happy to be handed a clean baby that he fed while I got stitched.
We've joked about whether he'll make this one!

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