8 months pregnant and partner just left me

[LilyBlue1]

Came home tonight and he'd packed his bags and gone. So lonely and afraid. Can anyone help?

I really feel for you but he has proven his selfishness by leaving you heavily pregnant. He clearly wouldn't be a good father or partner. You must ensure that he pays for his child though and you sound like you want him to have some contact.

If you are self employed you can start that up again when you feel ready after the birth and you can pay for childcare. Nurseries take babies from 6 weeks. Yo should also start looking in to what benefits are available ASAP. You're obviously successful pre pregnancy so you can do it again and you will be better off without him

I'd text his mum and tell her. Id say 'I'm not doing too well. I went to the cinema last night and came home to find P has packed a bag and left. I assumed he was with you? I don't know what to do or think.' I'm going to go against the grain here and say the two of you have some issues but your communication is the real crux of the issue. You can't tell him it's fine to go to his family when it isn't really. You need to find a way of communicating your wants and needs in a relationship. He shouldn't be abusive towards you regardless. You should consider relate - either for help with your relationship or mediation in your separation. Good luck, op.

He needs to grow up as well. His behaviour is disgusting.

I know what he'll say - that I just push him away. Which I guess by shutting myself away in my room and ignoring him when I am hurt I am. But I can't help it when I'm upset. I go quiet and need to be on my own. But I never told him I wanted him to go or didn't want to be with him. He left of his own accord.
And I agree re the communication thing. But the problem is I don't want to come across as a controlling, nagging partner. So
I say it's fine for him to go. Which it is, just not EVERY day!!! Should I really have to say it? I can't win - he says he wants to do as he pleases and that I shouldn't interfere with his family or ever stop him spending time with them yet in the next breath asks me if its ok for him to go. Even when I say yes and am genuinely okay with it sometimes he then says he feels bad and guilty leaving me. And I'M the one playing psychological games. Really???
The point is he wants to go every day which I interpret as him not wanting to be around me. It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place!

And just to add, when you see your pregnant other half lying in bed being sick and unable to get up and complaining of feeling dizzy should you really need to ask them if they are okay with you going out? Shouldn't you just stay anyway?

He sounds like a child himself. You would have one hell of a life with him. I had a similar situation with my ex. He left when the baby was 3 weeks old. She's now 10. We gave it a go a few times but bottom line was we were happier without him. Yes it's been hard work but worth it.

Is there anyone in real life who can give you some emotional support at all?

No, it's not your fault. I'm about 8 months pregnant, too, and there are times I have been a gigantic bitch to Mr. November. Fortunately, he understands that it's not very comfortable to be pregnant, especially in a boiling hot summer.

The mother isn't normal. What woman would actually encourage their son to leave a pregnant woman, and in such a cowardly way - he can't even say it to your face, apparently.

I know you must be feeling terrible, but perhaps you have dodged a bullet here. As the saying goes - better an agonising end than endless agony, and his family certainly seem peculiar not least because they don't recognise that, at 35, his responsibilities as a husband and father should come first.

No nobody. I have loved him so much. And we have had such happy times. I can't believe it's come to this. But I don't want to be hurt any more.

In the nicest possible way, you are expecting your partner to just know what to do or say without telling him. Hrvdoesnt know what it is like to be pregnant. My dh had me walking up hills in wales at 5 months and couldnt understand why i struggled to keep up. The two of you havent been living together that long. You are both used to living very differently. This baby was a happy surprise but a surprise none the less. Its a huge adjustment for you both. Sulking isn't helpful, neither is walking out. It is counterproductive and immature on both accounts. The two of you can salvage this if you want too. Or you can walk away and find a way to co parent. You need to think about what you want. Consider looking at relate. I've been through it and it worked wonders for me.

Thanks whatshername. I do see your point. It still doesn't take away the main issue/problem though. He puts his family before us and spends too much time with them.

Have you told him that though? Have you laid out exactly how you feel when he buggers off home?

He would never go to Relate even though I'd be happy to. It's weird. I try to tell him what I want but he just doesn't get it. He announced he wouldn't watch any more sport at all the other day because it obviously upset me. I said I had never told him to not watch sport. He could watch sport if he wanted and it wasn't up to me. I just didn't want him to sit on the sofa two weeks in a row watching sport from 8am to 2.30am non stop when I needed help with stuff around the house!!! Why can't he just compromise and watch it for a few hours some days? Same with his family. I ask if he can compromise and just go round once or twice a week and only rush over when they beckon at other times if there is an actual emergency. He interprets this as me telling him never to see them which I am not doing at all.

I have told him how I feel. I told him it makes me feel second to his family all the time and lonely and not supported. I have said all of it-several times. He takes it as criticism and gets angry then just tells me I am wrong and a nutter for reacting that way. How can you be wrong about a feeling? It's a feeling.

That's a shame about counciling. He is being very black and white. Very immature. I hope you get things resolved one way or another x

Honestly I do try to communicate. But I just get shouted down. So now I have just kind of given up as I think, 'What's the point if he isn't prepared to listen?'

He has just texted me this message:

'I am not looking to trade insults or argue as I simply haven't got it in me to argue. I have thought about you all day. Just want you to no I am here for you and hope you are ok. As I say I am not looking for conflict or any negativity. Just want to no you are okay. xxx'

Are you a drama queen here??
It seems you have been left in the lurch by an absolute prick who deserves a good kick up the arse. A swipe at the boy's mother's conscience might help but I doubt it. You chose a "mummy's boy "
Were you hoodwinked or did you have shit in your eyes?
Hit him with maintenance orders till his balls jangle

To which I replied: 'You told me to butt out of your life, that you wanted to come and go as you please and do what you wanted, that I have ruined your life, that you were miserable and had had the worst year ever with me. That I was a psycho and played games with you. Then you packed your bag and left us. There isn't anything left for me to say.'

Do you think I am being a drama queen Hobbington?

Crikey what a mess. Maybe you need a few days apart.

Ps I don't think you're being a drama queen.
You're clearly in a very vulnerable, anxious position and your main source of comfort and love has let you down.

I really feel for you. I do think you should have some space from each other for a few days but then you have to acknowledge the real problem here - his massive attachment to his family.

If we need a few days apart now how will he be when the baby comes? You can't just bugger off when things get tough when you have a child to look after. And my Milo deserves better than that. I'll always be the one left holding the baby too - not him. Who
needs a dad who walks out if the door every time things get tough?

I agree with you, but right now the emotion is too high and neither of you may be thinking straight. You don't want to say anything you regret.

Maybe get your feelings down on a piece of paper? Get what you need to say about the concerns you have out. Get your mind clear. Use this time to get your ducks in a row.

You can have relationship counselling on your own with Relate and other organisations. Should you end up alone you can make friends and meet other single parents through joining Gingerbread. Even when you have a reliable partner it's important to have other mothers to share things with. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Turn your phone off and try to have a rest. It's important that you don't get stressed out. You're pregnant. Try to compartmentalise this dickhead in his own hole and push him aside now.

Concentrate on YOU. If you have any good friends or family, let them know what's happened and start organising support for when the baby arrives.