3 months pregnant and just read the AIBU post about downsides of parenting... what's the best stuff?!

[GingerIdiot]

Hello all,

I just read the really interesting thread here that PhoebeGeebee posted: AIBU To ask what makes being a parent so hard?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2685737-To-ask-what-makes-being-a-parent-so-hard?pg=1

The answers are very useful to read - some stuff I had anticipated (sleep deprivation, toddler years, relentlessness of parenting, lack of money, free time etc). I'm glad to know all that stuff, I don't want to go in blind, but oh god this thread has terrified me!!

I don't want to be an ostrich about it all, I know it's going to be difficult, and I don't want to undermine all the honest answers that were given, but for the sake of some more lighthearted balance, could some parents tell me some of the good stuff too?

A lot of the posts ended with a positive tone - after listing all the difficulties that lay ahead, they often say about it being the best thing you'll ever do .... but why, specifically? Just general overriding love?

The love, the cuddles, the way they make you laugh, when you can see yourself in them, watching them learn, how cute it is when they get their words mixed up, teaching them things, having funny conversations with them, holding their hand and walking with them for the first time – this was the best thing ever, the pleasure you get just from being around them.

My son has just started watching Kung Fu Panda and now pretends to do karate – he is 2 next month and IT’s THE CUTEST THING EVER!

I’ve been teary at this thread and Phoebe’s thread! Love children and feel very blessed every day that I have my son (I had to have IVF).

So many things, too many to write down. I'm having baby number two, but my first with my fiancé. He is the love of my life. He had not really experienced feeling loved until we got together, not even from his mum. The thing I'm looking forward to most is him seeing that our new tiny little person will be as in love with him as I am.

DD is just 2 and she is brilliant :) she's so funny, she's going through a phase where she does big exaggerated frowns then when I do it back she can't stop herself laughing, great big belly laughs. She's a kind little thing, they were serving blueberries at playgroup today, she took a few and brought them over to feed to me because I like blueberries and she doesn't. She's so full of joie de vivre - a slice of cake, some ducks on the pond, going up and down escalators all make her so thrilled it's infectious :) Plus the pride when she's being cute and well behaved and people are admiring her. Oh and it's so calming seeing her eyes get heavy as she drifts off to sleep, and her wee warm snuggliness...

My son is 3.5 and he is hilarious! We have such a laugh together! And the cuddles, oh the cuddles! The most contented times of my entire life are us just hanging out together.
Here is the best description of parenting I ever heard from a colleague, when I commented on how nice it was that he clearly enjoyed spending time with his son ( he used to come in on Mondays and tell us what they had been up to). His reply was, ' It is like someone has given me the best present ever that just keeps changing and getting better.'

Having the privilege of watching your tiny creation develop into an amazing person. There's nothing like it. Sometimes the pride is overwhelming.

The smell of my daughter makes my heart flutter. Her laugh is the most perfect sound. I still look at her and feel like I could cry happy tears just as I did when she was born 2 years ago.

I struggle to think of the negatives of being a parent tbh.

My children are my favourite people in the world and I get to hang out with them all the time. They are ridiculously funny and entertaining, they mostly think I am amazing and they do chores.

DD is 10 months and she learns new stuff everyday, it's truly amazing. And some I taught her, some baby signing, how to high five and clap her hands. Really lovely to see her look so proud of herself!

When she falls asleep in my arms and I give her a little kiss and put her in her cot, it's almost heartbreaking how much I love her.

When I do something that makes her laugh, such a gorgeous sound.

When she gets her dinner all over her face, tummy, chair, the floor, me. Ahhh.

Mine's the same as spacefrog, I hear my 10 week old DD cooing to herself in the cot first thing in the morning, then when I look over the side at her she takes a second to clock me and then gives the loveliest smile. On really good days I get a little squeak of delight too. It makes my heart melt!

The way she looks at me and tells me she loves me.

When she holds me tight and just don't let go.

When she climbs in my bed in the morning and asks to cuddle for a little while, just till we wake up properly.

This one little girl is my whole world. She makes me happy.

And her laugh? The single most amazing sound in the world.

The cuddles.

The love; it's unlike anything I've ever experienced.

The first time they look up at you with these big dark eyes and you know they rely on you totally - it's scary but incredible.

The grip reflex - make the most of it, just feeling a tiny little hand wrap around your finger.

Feeding them as newborns as the sun rises. Just sitting there, looking out of the window watching the sky turn blue and the sun rise; you're knackered but there's nothing quite like it.

The people who stop you and say "Oh isn't she gorgeous?".

The absolute pride at every tiny achievement, no matter how small.

The anticipation of their first word, first step, first smile, and the sheer joy and triumph when it happens.

Sitting there plaiting DD's hair this morning and it was one of those moments that made me so happy to be a mum, even for just such a mundane everyday thing.

Toddlers are the funniest human beings you will ever meet. Tantrums can almost always be defused by a) making their teddy have a bigger tantrum, b) YOU having a bigger tantrum or c) pulling the stupidest face imaginable. And if all else fails, ignore and laugh. When they're not tantrumming, they alternate between the funniest things ever and absolutely adorable. DD spends most of the day at the moment running between DP and I, stroking our faces, whispering "I love you so much mommy", grabbing blankets to cover us with, handing us teddies and then wanting cuddles herself. It's amazing.

Little arms around your neck as you pick them up, and that whisper of "I've got you, mummy" as you carry them, it melts my heart every time without fail.

The fun. Honestly my DD makes us laugh so much sometimes my stomach hurts. The absolute unconditional love they have for you. No one will ever love you like your child my mum ahwats says. I honestly found the baby phase very tough and was never having another one ever ever ever again but lately I've been thinking about it. Not because we want another baby as such but I want to raise another child. I also think it's brought out the best in DH and I. We are now so much more motivated career wise as we want to provide the best for DD and we've pushed ourselves to pass exams, get promotions, move to a better area. Had DD relatively young but really don't feel have missed out at all. It's honestly ace OP the baby stage is fine sort of it's at 3 plus the fun really begins (imho) . Enjoy !!!!

It is all so interesting and funny. My older child is nearly 13, and it is great fun to watch him try and turn into an adult. He has these incredibly lucid moments and is insightful, intelligent, and kind. I burst with pride. And then in the next second he grunts and sighs and rolls his eyes and you remember he is a work in progress. It all still makes my heart burst, and it is such a privilege to watch it happen. They are excellent company and fun to have around.

We are having another baby after a long gap because parenting is the most fun and we want it to last longer. Hardly anyone we know understands this.

Love, pride, friendship (they make me laugh and prat about and play jokes).

My DC have also inspired me - I want to live the best life I can, not just for them but for me, and to show them that if you want something you go for it. They've made me much braver in many ways.

The smell of your newborn. I can't describe it other than the most delicious smell in the world. You'll hold your baby up to your face and inhale deep breathfuls of their scent. It's what I imagine being addicted to drugs is like.

I could gaze at my daughters (3.5 and 2 weeks) for hours on end, marvelling that I made something so truly amazing

The unconditional love, the snuggles, the smiles and laughter, the pride in everything they achieve, from rolling to walking to starting school to GCSEs, and beyond. The feeling that "We made him/her".

My DDs are still little enough to sneak into bed with DH and I sometimes. They don't say anything, just wriggle up, pull our arms around them and fall back to sleep. In the morning, if we ask why they joined us, they just say 'I wanted cuddles.' I know some parents believe in returning the child to their own bed, but for me knowing that they want to be with us still, that's really special. There's a picture book I love, think it's called 'When i'm Big' and it says that mum and dad's bed is the safest place in the world. I know that's how my DDs feel.

Having two tiny humans to work for has made me a wholeheartedly better person.

I've never had much self-worth and therefore little motivation to really succeed, but since having my daughters almost 4 years ago everything has been different. I need to study for my degree for my future, but also for theirs. And I simultaneously need to work in order to pay for the things that they want and need. Yes, it's a chore and life is busy but I do more in a day now than I ever would have done in a month, and I finally have respect for myself - all because of them. I'm proud of myself every single day now, and I feel unconditional love every day from my darlings. What's not to love?

We have twins.

Nothing I have ever done was as hard work as those first 3 years. And at aged 8 nothing is as scary as trying to make the right decisions for them every day.

But...

Nothing smells as good as my children.

Nothing can light up my day like my children's smiles.

Nothing feels as wonderful as holding them in my arms.

Nothing is as wonderful as hearing our children giggle together.

Nothing we do as a couple is as wonderful as standing together watching our beautiful children sleep.

Parenting is hard, really really hard.

It's still the best job in the world.

It's all about the snuggles for me, but my goodness it's hard when they grow so quickly

For me it's the magic. I can make tears go away, hurts better and do things that is the ONE thing they really really wanted.

And only I (OK well maybe DH too) can do that. It makes me feel so special that they need me and sometimes only I will do.

I'm sure I'm just aping things that have been said before, but ohhh the laughter and the giggles! We have videos of DS (now 22 mths) aged from 4 months on just belly laughing whilst I open and snap close a spectacles case, shake a tape measure around, throw a ball in the air. He just giggles from morning to evening (with a healthy dose of almost-two-terrible-tantrums in between), gives lovely squeezy hugs and just makes the days at work fly by as I get things done at the double in order to be home with him.
I know we're just at the start of the parenting journey - but everyone tells me it gets better and better. Now pregnant with DC2 and all too aware that the beginning weeks and months are shattering but your baby's first smile will be along soon enough and that connection does make it all worth it.

The best part is that the children become part of your life and your connection is so strong that you'd do anything for them.
It can be challenging at times, but then you forget all that and enjoy the cuddles when they are little, the cute things they say, their wonder as they grow in their understanding of the world, the reassurance as they begin to form into the personality they'll have when they grow up and the deep pride in their personal achievements.
Basically, its life in its purest form and life is the point of living.

As others have said, it's the laughing for me. No-one makes me laugh in the way DS does.

The snotty kisses & the love you mummy's. Oh & not forgetting the "shared" i.e. pre chewed food (disgusting I know!)