20 week scan just said i'm expecting dd3- and i'm inexplicably gutted

[feelingdreadful]

I rarely post on here but have read lots of people's stories, especially when ttc no3- have 2 dds, 2 and 4 who i adore. persuaded dh to have 3rd, against his judgement, sure that i wouldn't care either way. had scan today- i feel so absolutely dreadful as they said it's another girl and i'm gutted- i really didn't expect such an extreme reaction, didn't realise how much i wanted a son. have no idea how to get rid of this awful feeling of disappointment- wish we hadn't asked. dh is fine- he really didn't care, didn't really want another child, wasn't bothered about no son, but feel i've let us all down- sending us back to square one etc just because i was broody, and now i feel disappointed, and i hate myself for it. please don't shout at me for this, i feel bad enough already- i know lots of people have such difficulty conceiving one that they hate anoyone who has a gender preference, and i totally understand that. i just need to know if anyone else felt something similarly awful, and if it goes away.. i feel so bloody guilty. thanks and sorry if i've upset anyone.

i wont tell you that you re being silly. but i can tell that having 3 dd's is absol;utly wonderful. my dd1+2 were similar ages to your two when i found out i was having dd3. they adore having a little sister. and even though i had a tiny amount of sadness for having another girl, i have to say she is marvellous. clothing was cheaper, as had a lot of hand me downs, the older two didnt have to worry about a little brother, and if any of them want their own rooms at least i dont have to worry about the thing of 2 children of opposite sex sharing a room in their teens. ok, some days i feel overwhealmed by pink things, but my 3 dd's are absolutly sparkling little gems in my life.

shall we swap!
I gave birth to my fourth son last valentines day and i knw your emotions so well ...i was pretty sure but not 100% that he was a boy before the birt and had felt and thought some nasty emotions.
By the time he was born i laughed.
He has been my easiest most lovable brown doe eyed precious child and i feel guilty as hell for the way i felt.
I know you will be the same. I still wish he had been a girl ...pink dresses etc but honestly i would not change him for the world
Its maybe better you know now so the birth will not be tainted with disappointment.
Think of me! I wish i were YOU!

Don't worry, what you are feeling right now is very common. You can search archives on here or search for 'gender disappointment' on google for other people who have felt precisely this.

I am currently 24weeks and found out I was having a girl and I admit that I felt disappointed, sad, almost regretful I suppose. And I have fought long and hard to conceive and suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage on the way to getting here. I am so grateful to be pregnant and to be having a little healthy girl but this does not negate the fact that I dreamt of having a little boy. You need to grieve for what you dreamt for- that little boy- and believe me you will come round to having this little girl. You could name her, buy her some little outfits and talk, sing and spend time with her.

At the moment you only know what she isn't, namely that she isn't a boy. When she is born you will know what she looks like, how she smells, how she is dependent upon you and how much she looks like you/DH/her siblings. You will fall in love with her as with any baby. You are not wrong or terrible to be feeling sad. It is a natural reaction and one that will go with time.

oh thank you so much for being kind.. i hate myself so much for this reaction.. i've been in tears since i heard with a mixture of sadness and extreme guilt.. i just need to get those awful feelings you mentioned out of my head notanotter- i really felt at one point " what's the point?". I just feel terrible for that
misdee, do yours get on? now i feel awful for ruining my dd2's life.. middle girl etc..

Don't feel guilty, if I had 20 weeks worth of hormones rushing around rather than less than 12, I think I'd be quite emotional too!
I'm not normally a fan of finding out the sex in advance but in your case I think it was really wise. You've now got another 20 weeks to get used to the idea, and get back the happy excitedness (if thats a word) that you were feeling before.
Try and think of the positives, your house will always smell fragrant, the girls will adore each other and play together, there is a special bond between sisters which nothing can replace. And each one will have two bridesmaids!
Wallow in your feelings for a while, but then pick yourself up and get on with imagining your future with three gorgeous daughters! Three amazing blessings.
xx

your feelings will change.
i felt a bit dissapointed when they told me ds2 was ds2, i actually shed a tear on the couch as the sonographer and dh continued looking at the baby, but i soon came round and now wouldnt change a thing.

Stop it. Stop beating yourself up about it. You will be fine, you will get there.

they fight at times, but thats because dd2+3 spend mre together now as dd1 is at school. dd3 is 2 next month, looks adorable, but is a little monkey. she is currently sitting on my lap trying to type with her toes. dd2 adores her, she proudly tells everyone that dd3 is her baby sister.

it's so strange because i was thrilled that dd2 was a girl.. didn't long for a boy then.. to make it worse my mother in law has just rung up and said " so have i got a grandson then??" I had to hold in the sobs.. i can't bear everyone asking me

you will have a very close and wonderful relationship when your girls have babies. i wont get that as i'm sure my son's partners will go to their mums for help and advice with their children.

my first baby was a boy, stillborn at 26 weeks, he would have been 17 this november, when i became pregnant again, im not ashamed to admit that i was devastated to discover i was carrying a girl as i so desperately wanted a biy because i hoped it would take the pain away..her gender was not an issue for long, i was at the end of the day thrilled to be having a healthy baby and although my pregnancy was fraught with problems..she was a very much loved and wanted baby...once you have got over the initial disapointment, you were revel in your pregnancy, just think, you can hand down your dd;s things and they will have another little girl as a playmate

what does it matter to other people what sex your baby is
tell your mother in law..no you dont as your son obviously doesnt have very many y sperm!
after all its the mans sperm that decides the sex of the child!

Please dont beat yourself up. I am a mum of 3DDs, All of them so completely different. All I will say is- just be prepared for people starting from today for many years to come is to ask you "are you going to try for a boy!!!" My youngest is now almost 7 and people still ask me now.

thanks everyone..i don't know what to say to people.. everyone is asking if it's a boy. why are people so insensitive? i'm not answering the phone anymore. i had lots fo problems with my prenancies so some friends are ringing to find out all is well, but then they ruin their concern by asking that question.. what do i say that won't set me off? god i feel pathetic for this stupid reaction.

you are not - i was the same

Just say either that they could not tell!
Or some quip about girls and how great they are x

people will ask, and tbh its not their business what sex you are having. my mum has 6 granddaughters and 1 grandson. so you can imagine how often we get aksed if we are going to try for a boy each time any of us girls decide to try for baby.

ask them to buy you pnk clothes.

oh god, I actually just thought "the scan might be wrong".. I am so bloody stupid. i just wish i didn't know

i thought exactly that and fantasised that it was....please dont beat yourse;f up!

thanks misdee.. i think that it will actually be a great idea to go and buy some new girls stuff myself tomorrow to get my head round it... my dd2 wore nothing but handmedowns and they're propbably threadbare and covered in vomit stains now!!
The really stupid thing is that i think i was hoping for a boy because both my girls were such awful babies... part if me hoped the other gender might somehow be born chilled and sleeping through the night.. now i'm scared that i won't be able to cope again.. i'm so shit at babies

this one will be fine..i really feel for you....how can i help?

god i'm so grateful for sensible people on this thread.. i hope i will feel so stupid for this in the morning.. thank you all for your advice and support, can't tell you how much of a relief it is to hear i'm not the only one to feel like this

thanks notanotter.. i just want to stop crying uncontrollably... my girls are starting to worry- i never let them see me lose it, thank god for Mr Mopple!

it will be fine, take a fews days/week (you have 20 of them) to get your head round it.

i went and bought a pair of little pink socks, made it seem real.

yes i can totally because i have been there
i was utterly depressed for a good week - like could not get out of bed ...it did pass
when dp said it was a boy at birth I actually smiled!!!!!!!