20 week scan just said i'm expecting dd3- and i'm inexplicably gutted

[feelingdreadful]

I rarely post on here but have read lots of people's stories, especially when ttc no3- have 2 dds, 2 and 4 who i adore. persuaded dh to have 3rd, against his judgement, sure that i wouldn't care either way. had scan today- i feel so absolutely dreadful as they said it's another girl and i'm gutted- i really didn't expect such an extreme reaction, didn't realise how much i wanted a son. have no idea how to get rid of this awful feeling of disappointment- wish we hadn't asked. dh is fine- he really didn't care, didn't really want another child, wasn't bothered about no son, but feel i've let us all down- sending us back to square one etc just because i was broody, and now i feel disappointed, and i hate myself for it. please don't shout at me for this, i feel bad enough already- i know lots of people have such difficulty conceiving one that they hate anoyone who has a gender preference, and i totally understand that. i just need to know if anyone else felt something similarly awful, and if it goes away.. i feel so bloody guilty. thanks and sorry if i've upset anyone.

yes, enid i agree with you now.. didn't know with eiher of dds and was chuffed to bits with dd2.. wish i hadn't asked, dh told me not to...just stupid

totally floaty, do you recommend telling my dds then? i was worried they'd tell everyone and my mum doesn't want to know... but maybe it'll be easier on me if i do? then we can pick out names together etc.. although dd1 will want something like fifi from the flowertots or ever worse, numbertaker!

fd - I asked the sex of our third child because I knew I would be disappointed/down if it was another boy (it was, meant much higher risk of autism- so main reason for feeling ). Initially I felt flat, then panicy, then by the time of the birth I was looking forward to meeting him.

He's so different from his brothers. Very stroppy, very independent but also very funny. I never wonder about a girl, I like having 3 of the same. There's something pack/crew like about having 3 of the same. Would be weird with a girl now I think.

You'll be fine.

cheers jimjams2- i have a bloody friend who is the middle one of three girls who said, and i'm not kidding "if it's another girl, you'll have to try for a fourth- three of the same is just awful". thanks. that's really helpful. i expect now i'll totally overcompensate and end up treating dd2 with such overdone adoration so she doesn't get middle child syndrome that she'll turn out even worse!! god it's ridiculous isn't it.. i have just had a gin and tonic (sorry no alcohol while pregnant believers) and i feel stacks better- and from reading all your messages, thanks so much. i've never really been an emotional person so find all this hard!! cheers for listening to me whining on.

With one DS and one DD, I really wanted my 3rd to be a boy (obviously taking into account that of course you want a healthy baby whatever the sex, but if you COULD choose....). As one of four girls myself who had always longed for a brother I wanted to redress the female bias in our family. Also my DH wanted another boy (he wanted "an heir and a spare"). Anyway my 3rd is 3months old and she is a DD and I love her SOOOOO much. At the 23 week scan, they told us there was a 75% chance of her being a girl (she kept her legs crossed and they only got a rubbish view of the area where the bits are). I felt disappointed and held onto the hope of the 25% chance she would be a boy. But once it came to the birth I only felt a tiny bit of disappointment, just so relieved she was healthy. I have to say I do sometimes think about "what if" but these feelings are getting less now that she is getting older. But don't feel guilty, as this thread shows it is totally normal to have a sex preference.

I had my third daughter in July and its wonderful. I would (i think) like a boy as a mix would be nice I suppose. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like and my husband is a bit footie fan so it would be nice for him too.

I didn't mind either way, didn't ask either at the scan and was just thrilled when she was born. Not sure if we will go for number 4 (thought of twins or more - yikes) and even if we did, it would be with the full expectation that it would be another girl (bound to be).

I have a bit of a thing about this 'one of each' saying. I reckon two of each would be nice but depends on order/age gaps etc.

I know you feel bad but please don't hate yourself for it. Think about the gender thing, is it really that important - its not is it - its about the health of the child.

thanks everyone that has replied since i left last night- I think the "wanting a boy too" thing is purely a social thing- complete the set as it were- everyone assumes that you want one of each and you start thinking that that is the be-all-and-end-all of life. I just feel really cross with myself this morning for finding out.. didn't with dd2 and was chuffed to bits she was another girl... but part of me thinks, did I only go for no.3 to try for a boy? I'm sure i didn't think that at the time (and hubby certainly didn't) but now I feel crap..plus I'm scared shitless of another baby as I didn't find it easy at all (understatement). I think i've upset the status quo and my dds adore each other- what the hell do i do if this one ruins all that? i know lots of you have said your multiples of one sex adore each other too- i just wish everyone didn't keep saying that two's company, 3 a crowd.. driving me barmy, closely followed by " well it will be better if it's a boy". I just wish everyone would shut up and leave it to us. plus my friend had her second yesterday- a girl after a boy- and is beyond chuffed to bits with one of each- and i couldn't help feeling jealous. will i always feel like this? i hate it. this is forever- and there's nothing you can do about it. i saw a robert winston baby thing recently about ivf where a mum with 4 boys paid 8 grand in cyprus to try to get a girl, and still failed..just shows how mad some of us become with all this.. sigh

I agree with Jimjams that there's something very nice about having a gang/crew of DSs or DDs - I've got three DSs, they are all very different to each other, and I don't feel I am missing out by not having a dd at all.

thanks all mums of 3! i'm sure it will work out ok- let's face it, it's got to, hasn't it? they will get used to the new one soon and probably won't ever remember not having her around after a few years.
i feel a bit more resigned to it today- think yesterday was the initial shock.

my best friend is one of 3 boys and a girl who is the youngest. i always joke with him that he obviously wasn't good enough and they kept trying til they got jenny who was what they really wanted, but it is all said in jest and i don't think any of them actually are affected by it.

You mentioned the 'one of each' thing - search messages under my name as I started a thread about that some time ago.

I love misdee's description of her dds as "sparkling little gems in my life". That is exactly how I feel about mine (they are the same gender too).

Don't feel bad about your reaction, it is normal to feel a bit gutted if it wasn't what you were expecting/hoping for. Of course all children are special and you will adore her when she's here, but nonetheless you are human and you are allowed feelings! Just give yourself time to get used to the idea. Being pregnant doesn't do wonders for your calm rational faculties at the best of times in any case.

I am the eldest of three girls, we are all really different but very close. I am so happy I have both my precious sisters and for this reason I wanted a sister for my dd but I am expecting a third boy. I wanted to find out because now I've got my head round it and can't wait to have him!

I have 3 dds, I think it's a fantastic combination. And their personalities are quite different. Hope you get to enjoy them

Feelingdreadful, perhaps you can try to concentrate on what could a third little girl even possible look like?
Will she be like you or dh or one of her sisters? That part is fascinating.
Think of her personality and how could you possible have another girl SO different to the two you already have.

Then finally, imagine your beautiful girls aged 18,20 and 22 out on the town together. That sisterhood that some of us always wished we could have when we were that young. No boy will dare break their hearts if they have each other.
I think its going to be lovely and you just need to be able to see it diffferently. You will be fine.