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Original poster

20 week scan just said i'm expecting dd3- and i'm inexplicably gutted

68 replies

feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 18:05

I rarely post on here but have read lots of people's stories, especially when ttc no3- have 2 dds, 2 and 4 who i adore. persuaded dh to have 3rd, against his judgement, sure that i wouldn't care either way. had scan today- i feel so absolutely dreadful as they said it's another girl and i'm gutted- i really didn't expect such an extreme reaction, didn't realise how much i wanted a son. have no idea how to get rid of this awful feeling of disappointment- wish we hadn't asked. dh is fine- he really didn't care, didn't really want another child, wasn't bothered about no son, but feel i've let us all down- sending us back to square one etc just because i was broody, and now i feel disappointed, and i hate myself for it. please don't shout at me for this, i feel bad enough already- i know lots of people have such difficulty conceiving one that they hate anoyone who has a gender preference, and i totally understand that. i just need to know if anyone else felt something similarly awful, and if it goes away.. i feel so bloody guilty. thanks and sorry if i've upset anyone.

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Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 18:36

notanotter- do you still feel awful sometimes? i just don't know if this sadness at never having a boy (there is no way in the world dh will even contemplate 3- he really didn't want this one which doesn't help matters as it's entirely my own falut, although he's totally supportive) will ever go away?

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Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 18:37

sorry, meant to say contemplate 4- this one is no. 3

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hana · 24/01/2007 18:45

snap to misdee and others - IO have 3 girls, 5, 2 and 4 months
all fab fab fab
I have 2 sisters as well, something about histroy repeating itsefl adn I woudln't be without them

misdee · 24/01/2007 18:46

i also have 2 sisters (middle child) and a younger brother.

Aloha · 24/01/2007 18:47

Oh, three sisters is lovely. I have a ds and dd and love that too (they have an older sister too, my stepdaughter) but I still think three girls is great. All the adult women with sisters I know are very close to their sisters and love having each other. I wish I had a sister.

hana · 24/01/2007 18:48

misdee - I alwso have yonger brother and I am middle sister!

misdee · 24/01/2007 18:49

my younger brother was a nightmare! my mum says he was a shock to the system after having 3 girls.

Aloha · 24/01/2007 18:49

Oh, and my dd has been a much better sleeper than my ds and generally easier tbh. Love them both though!

Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 18:51

misdee did they keep trying for a boy? did you ever pick up on that as children? i'm now worried that my dd2 wilol think she wasn't good enough.. and dd3 for that matter

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batters · 24/01/2007 18:56

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misdee · 24/01/2007 18:58

no, brother was a surprise in all senses. but a lot of people assume they kept trying for a boy.

dh is one of 4 boys. his parents wanted 4 children, once they had youngest BIL, they decided not to even consider another in case people assume they were just trying for a girl.

sazzybee · 24/01/2007 18:58

I'm the middle of 3 girls and I love my younger sister to bits - so glad my mum didn't have a boy!

Someone told me that if you've had babies of one gender, you're much more likely to have further ones of the same sex.

You've got 20 weeks to get used to the idea and you will get used to it. Better to know now than be disappointed at the birth.

Don't beat yourself up for being honest

Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 18:59

thank you batters.. i am just so amazed at myself, never ever thought i'd feel remotely like this.. need to try and sort mysefl out before dh comes back from work.. he will go bananas if he thinks that i am not anything other than 100 % thrilled about this baby as i persuaded him to go fro it... don't know how to hide how i'm feeling but also cannot reveal it to him.. would tear him up

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Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 19:00

thanks sassybee...i know i'm being irrational.. hope i'll wake up one day and kick myself for this post

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NotAnOtter · 24/01/2007 19:02

my mum was desperate for boys and got 4 girls
i was not bothered but now am desperate for girls and have 4 boys and a girl

MummyPenguin · 24/01/2007 19:02

You'll be fine. I have a dd (my eldest) and I had a Son second time round. When I found out I was pregnant again, I really wanted another girl, and was disappointed when the scan revealed that no. 3 was a boy. However, it's worked out for the best, as DS's are a year apart in age. My youngest is 'my baby' and I wouldn't change him for the world.

Miaou · 24/01/2007 19:05

fd, please don't get carried away with the idea that because your dd1 and dd2 were difficult babies, that a son would have been any easier. I had a friend who had a dd and a ds; the dd was horrendous and the ds was a dream, so she was estatic to discover her third was going to be another boy. He was even worse than the dd! Honestly, the gender has little effect on things like that, really.

(It works the other way too; I have two dds and a ds and the ds was just the same in terms of baby behaviour as the dds )

MimmyPig · 24/01/2007 19:07

It's probably a common feeling but you won't give a hoot when the baby is born.

This is why I never wanted to know the gender at my 20 week scan - easy to be 'disappointed' in the 'cold light of day'. Unlikely to feel disappointed after labour and when a beautiful baby is born.

I've got 3 ds's and it's fabuloso

Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 19:07

miaou.. i can only hope.. this one cannot be any worse!

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totallyfloaty35 · 24/01/2007 19:12

I was convinced dd3 was a boy too and at 20wk scan went into shock and cried when told otherwise,but only felt this way for a few days as my other DDs were so excited at getting a new sister,especially my dd2 as she was going to be a BIG sister she most certainly didnt feel pushed out or not good enough.So dont worry about these feelings they are natural but you will adore your new baby as will the rest of the family.

totallyfloaty35 · 24/01/2007 19:16

oh and DD3 has been the best and easiest baby ever,couldnt imagine my world without her

sleepycat · 24/01/2007 19:22

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Enid · 24/01/2007 19:27

I have three girls and it is wonderful

dd3 doesnt look or behave like either of her sisters (she is much more chilled!)

you will have to brace yourself for the inevitable 'oh you must be so disappointed' stuff

can I just add, annoyingly, this is exactly why I did not find out the sex. I think if you had left it you would have been so happy with your baby you would not be feeling like this. Plenty of people will disagree but it is my strongly felt opinion.

Enid · 24/01/2007 19:27

dd2 ADORES being a big sister and has from day 1

Original poster
feelingdreadful · 24/01/2007 19:35

thanks.. i am so confused about it all... still uncertain i can cope.. i think i had some stupid thing that it would be all ok if a boy.. now i'm frightened i'll make all the same mistakes again and have yet another one who won't take a bottle and i end up breast feeding till 12 months, not sleeping for more than 3 hours a night for the same amount of time etc etc.. but of course you're all right, and there is as much chance of this happening ( OR NOT, LET'S HOPE) with a boy as a girl. i'm more disappointed with myself than anything.. it seems so bloody pathetic that i feel this way and i'm so cross with myself

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