I'm pregnant after stillbirth - need support

[hopejoy]

Hiya
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write...I'm 6 weeks+3. I have a daughter (age 4)had by c-section and our baby girl died inside me last year when I was 37 weeks pregnant(had a "natural" delivery). Post-mortem said no known cause.

Feel scared being pregnant again. I am also rhesus negative and have been advised to go on low dose aspirin as I had a thrombosis (a clot) in my placenta. I'm scared the aspirin will make me bleed and then I'll have to get anti D!)

Can anyone else relate to my story? Anyone else had a stillborn baby? Or taking aspirin? Or views on Anti D? I'm such a joy!!!

Hi Hopejoy, sorry you are going through this, and while I have no experience of these things I'm sure there are people around who do. Take care xxx

Hopejoy - first of all, congratulations! I'm so sorry you lost your baby girl last year, that must have been very hard (apologies for the crass understatement).
I don't have relevant experience so can only wish you well and hope this preg goes well.

FWIW, we are all here for you, take care xx

I can not be of much help because I have not being through that but I'm sure somebody will come soon with more info. This time of the day is very busy and threads dissapear easily at the end of the active conversation list, so keep posting to keep it alive, I'm sure somebody will show up soon. Hugs.

I have no experience of this either but I do remember seeing a thread about someone on aspirin the other day so there is someone out there!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Have the midwives offered you any support - i.e. more scans if you want them etc. Must be terrible to have a post-mortem and have no cause, I'm so sorry. I hope this pregnancy goes well and your bloods don't cause you any problems!

Hi Hopejoy, no experience myself but just wanted to send you a message of support. So sorry to hear of your stillbirth and really hope everything goes well this time.
Am sure someone who knows about this will post soon.

Hi

Thanks for all of you that have posted just to show support - that's really nice of you!! I've never posted before but I think that in this pregnancy I'm going to need all the support I can get. Thanks Chandra - I'll post a new thread later if this gets "lost". Foxinsocks- I will get scans every 2 weeks from 26 weeks and then more at a certain point. I will get Non stress tests (monitors babies heartbeat and movements over a period of time) every week after 30 weeks or so. I'll get a special notching can at 20 weeks to look at blood flow from the placenta. Then if all goes well I will get induced around 37 weeks (when my baby died before). I have had a section before so this may work out (like it did when I had my baby who died last year) or I may end up having another section. As you can imagine I'm a little worried overall.

Hi Hopejoy. Welcome to Mumsnet.

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sorry I don't have any experience so unable to offer advice, but couldn't read your message and not post. Sure you'll get lots of advice here.

Hi Hopejoy - Again I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be pregnant again. With all the joy and worry that comes with a normal pregnancy, I hope this pregnancy is not too hard.

If I sound stupid, I apologise, It is very hard to know what to say...

Are you due in Jan?? I am, but have joined the dec thread too, as I'm having twins, so I'm not expecting to go till Jan either.
I lost a baby at 6 weeks last year, It was ectopic, not as harrowing as going to 37 weeks I imagine. But there are loads of supportive people on here who will help you get throught this.

It may help you to join the pregnancy after miscarriage board. They have info on aspirin etc, and the added worry of having a previous bereavement.

Finally congratulations, and best wishes.... xxx

Hi Hopejoy - Big congratulations on your good news

I too have no advise to offer but just wanted to post to say i can't possible imagine how that must've felt for you but you will get loads of support here on mumsnet for this pregnancy.
Your post has just made me realise how incredibly niave i am - I am nearly 35 weeks pregnant and to be honest, the thought of something terrible happening has not been in my mind for a long time now - Thanks for making me realise that things aren't always plain sailing and that maybe i shouldn't get so complacent.

Hi Springchicken - I hope my post is not going to worry those of you in late pregnancy. Yes bad things do happen but hopefully not to you . Just over a year ago when I was 36 weeks pregnant I could never have imagined what was about to happen - the gates of hell opened - you should never have to bury a child: I experienced (still experience) dreadful grief - she was 6lb 6ozs and beautiful. I miscarried last month at 5 weeks and I have to say (no disrespect to anyone) that one cannot compare - at all - a miscarriage like that to the death of a child.

I hope none of you have any of these experiences and I'm thinking of you.

hopejoy, I am so sorry about last year. Just wanted to send my love too. Keep bumping this thread, and take care.

Congratulations Hopejoy.

My sister had a very similar experience to you. Her first son was stillborn at 37 weeks and had died inside her. The post mortem showed it was caused by a clot in the placenta.

The good news is that she has had 2 successful pregancies afterwards resulting in a healthy son and daughter. She had to take asprin every day from the day she found out she was pregant. She also had the same level of care you describe below. Her son was induced at 38 weeks, but with her daughter, they persuaded her to wait until term. My sister ended up going into labour sponeanteously 4 days before her due date. All her deliveries were natural, and there was no problems.

I can't begin to imagine the amount of worry, and the rollercoaster of emotions my sister went through with her pregancies. She didn't enjoy it and of course her worry grew towards the end. However the medical staff were so understanding and were incredibly supportive. My sister could have scans or tests when ever she wished to reassure her, so don't be afraid to ask for the same. My sister is so happy now with her ds and dd, and she says now that she wouldn't rule out the possibility of another.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions Hopejoy I will ask my sister for you.

((hugs))
Metrobaby

Hiya Motherinferior- how do I bump a thread (does that mean move it to the top?) Thanks for your message (and the others like it)

I will go on the miscarriage/bereavement board - I dont know if this makes sense but I avoided it because I just wanted to feel normal like everyone else and I want this to be a normal pregnancy and I want to go home with my baby in my arms this time. I guess it is a group I dont want to belong to (I'm sure no-one there wants to belong either)

Metrobaby - thanks for your message. It has made me cry (all those hormones raging!) It is so good to hear that your sister was able to go on and have two live children. I guess, if you wouldnt mind asking, I'd like to know what the side effects of taking the aspirin were? Did she bleed? Dont worry if you cant find this out your message has given me some hope

To bump it, just add anything and it will go back to the top of the list, don't need to bump it all the time, you can bookmark the thread and open it at anytime, onee you post something in it it will be back to the active conversation list. Good luck!

Hello Hopejoy, like Metrobaby, my sister had a baby boy still born at 32 weeks 3 years ago. She got pregnant again and now has a gorgeous 8m boy! She was very closely monitored throughout pg and she did take aspirin daily as well. It was a difficult and stressful time but all came out well in the end. Hope it does for you too. Good luck

Hi, firstly, I'm delighted you;re pg! I can only comment though on the issue of the antiD. I have had this so many times now. I have had 2 miscarriages and 2 other threatened ones and had anti D with each. I've also had anti D twice in my current pgcy (now 32 weeks) and I have never had an issue with having it. Have you a particular reason to be worried about taking this?

Hopejoy - I'm glad my message has given you some hope. I've too been crying, and I'm not even pregnant. My sister lost her son 4 years ago but our family have never forgotten about him, and it still makes me sad to this day.

I called my sister, (she sends you her best wishes btw), and she said that she didn't have bleeding with the asprin. She said that both her subsequent pregnancies were different but she didn't think she had any side effects from taking the asprin. She recommends asking your dr as to whether there are any potential side effects as she can't remember.

Hi Hopejoy, just seen this after some time away. I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter last year and wish you all the best with this pregnancy. In 2002 my son Tom died at 22 weeks gestation, and I went on to get pregnant again shortly after, so I can empathise utterly with your concerns about this pregnancy. We never found out why Tom died so I'm afraid I can't help you with your specific queries about anti-D and aspirin.
I joined SANDS a while after Tom's death and they were very helpful both at Head Office and in my local group, where they offered a "Pregnancy after a Loss" support group run by one of the local SANDS Befrienders. If you did not get in touch with them after your daughter's death, now might be a good time to do so, if you wish. It is so helpful to meet other people who understand your situation - it was a sanity-saver for me. My experience of a SANDS Group was very much that we did not spend all our time talking about our dead children - we were all busy parents with at least one other living child. But you never felt uncomfortable mentioning your bereavement either.
The other thing I would suggest all depends on what support you were given at your hospital when your daughter died. My hospital has a Bereavement Midwife who looks after you when your baby dies, but who also provides support when you conceive again. She listened patiently and wonderfully time and again to my anxieties and was there when my daughter was born safe and well last year. I really hope you have access to support like this - an increasing number of hospitals provide it, but not everywhere.
Not sure if this is your first post but welcome to Mumsnet - I hope you get heaps of support here too. I'm not the only one here who has experienced a healthy if nerve-wracking pregnancy after a stillbirth, I really wish for the same outcome for you too.

HI Quackers
I'm dont like taking anti D because there is not definite research evidence yet that it is safe for you or the unborn child. Ok, you could say I;m paranoid but my baby died and we dont know why she died so I clutch at straws!! Anti D is a blood product and they say it has been checked for viruses like aids but not for things like CJD (Made cow disease. My consultant syas they use anti D from abroad at the moment to minimise risk of this.

I will, however, and always have taken Anti D (i have bled in my previous pregs a little) as I dont want to risk the whole antibody thing!

Metrobaby - thanks for contacting your sister - It is great (wrong word) to hear of someone who has had similar experience.

Marina - very sorry about your baby that died - and thanks for the information and support. We did go along to our local sands group but I did not find it useful as all the women had lost babies just after birth. I guess what I need is someone like Metrobaby's sister who has had the same kind of experience as me. I was scared about being preg again and how it would be and the women I met all knew why their babies died and could (some of them) even get tests early on to check the same probs were not recurring.

Hopejoy - if it helps, you are welcome to contact me via another talker. My sister doesn't have internet access but I can pass on your emails to her, and send you replies from her

hopejoy how horrible for you My elder brother died in utero at full term 40 years ago and I know my mum still thinks of him often. She went on to have 2 healthy children as well, so I sincerely hope the same happens to you.

Thinking of you xx

hopejoy, so sorry to hear about your baby girl lots of hugs nikki xxxxx

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