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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

2 weeks before I'm due and partner of 5yrs has walked out

93 replies

Stephy90 · 16/06/2016 19:28

Don't know why I'm here really, I just feel lost. Been with my partner for 5 years, bought a home together and agreed it was the right time to try for a baby. I got pregnant shortly after and he was more excited than anything, we were both overjoyed. About a month ago he started acting strange and working a lot of overtime. Despite numerous attempts to talk to him about it, I got shot down and told that this pregnancy must be affecting me strangely, that I was imagining it. Turns out this 'overtime' was in fact spent with a woman he'd met at work. Suspected nothing prior to last month. We had should a wonderful relationship prior to all this. Came home yesterday after a 3 day stay with family who live hours away to find his wardrobe empty and the majority of his possessions gone from our home. Was left with nothing but a long note explaining he'd met someone else, couldn't 'do this' anymore, he would be uncontactable and that he was so very sorry. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out. I'm totally numb. Just 2 weeks until it should have been the happiest day of my life and now this. What the hell do I do?

OP posts:

leopardspice · 17/06/2016 09:33

Oh my goodness just read the full thread op
He's a dispicable twat. I'm so sorry he's done this to you and then the COWARD SAID YOU WERE CHEATING!!???
I'm glad your mum is coming. You need to get the word out to your friends about your innocence is there anyone in the group your close to you could phone/text them tell them everything and ask them to speak freely amongst your group?

AnnaChronism · 17/06/2016 09:48

Oh my love, you poor thing
Hopefully your Mum will be helpful and supportive, she'll be there soon. It's good that she will help you through your birth.

Some practical things:

get this thread moved to relationships
make sure you eat, little and often if possible and sleep again, little and often if you can't sleep for hours at a time.
work out your financial support, do you own your house or rent it? The number to make a tax credits claim is 0345 300 3900.
I would make a point of telling the 'friends' who haven't been speaking to you what has actually been going on, if there are one or two of them who are especially gossipy tell them and they will tell everyone else unfortunately, you may need some of these people for practical support in the near future.

Again it will be alright.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 17/06/2016 09:59

Turns out the utter arsehole had told her that I had admitted to having an affair and had told him that the baby was not his! In total shock!

He really is a despicable low life scumbag!
I hope you manage to have a good talk to MIL and put her straight?

Do make sure you hold you head high and let people know the truth when you can.

Hugs for you - your Mum will be with you soon.

VimFuego101 · 17/06/2016 10:01

I'm glad your mum is coming to stay with you. Just focus on resting and eating for now. Once the baby is born you will need to apply for tax credits and child maintenance - for the CM it will be helpful if you have his details/ payslips. You probably also want to look into the legal situation with the house (do you know what kind of tenants you are?) so that you can plan for the future and decide whether you want to stay there.

OneTiredMummmyyy · 17/06/2016 10:44

He sounds vile - you are well rid of him but I'm so sorry you are going through this so close to your due date.

I think in your shoes I would stay put to have the baby there, but ask your mum to stay with you for the next few weeks if possible so you are not alone?

Then I'd be making plans to move back to your home town, if all your family are there. You will need lots of support in these coming weeks. ((Hugs))

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 17/06/2016 15:42

Bloody hell! What a total arsewipe.

Did you correct his mum? Did you tell her that her little boy is a bulls hitting cheating cunt?

LittleLionMansMummy · 17/06/2016 17:26

Well he's certainly done a number on you. You must be so scared about the future op. I can't even begin to describe how sad and angry I am on your behalf.

It sounds like you have an amazingly supportive mum who will literally drop everything for you when you need her. Stay strong and try to begin to think practically using your mum's help to think through your next steps.

Take a day at a time and get through the next few weeks any way you can. Once the baby is born you'll need to make some life changes and consider moving closer to your family and friends again. Things are infinitely easier with good, and unconditional, love and support around you.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 17/06/2016 17:28

Wow. Did his mother believe you? Time to drag his name through the fucking mud

Dixiechick17 · 17/06/2016 22:22

Totally shocked by your update! so pleased that you will have your Mum as support, focus on your new baby when he/she arrives and deal with that arse when the time comes. Fuming on your behalf!

stillrocking · 18/06/2016 18:30

Send the mum a copy of the note if she doesn't believe you. I'd be tempted to put it on Facebook too once you've healed a bit. What an arsehole

Angrybird234 · 19/06/2016 10:05

Oh Stephy how bloody awful how are you today?

Lunar1 · 19/06/2016 11:04

So sorry you are going through this. I'd be making sure everyone knows the truth about what he's done.

prettywhiteguitar · 19/06/2016 13:24

There are no words to describe the father if your child, but unfortunately there are plenty of people here to give you some sound advice ! My ex left when ds was four months old and omg I made so many mistakes so here are my recommendations !

Create a bubble for yourself, cut him off until after the birth, delete fb ( I really really wish I had done this) use mumsnet for chat.

Settle in with your mum and try to concentrate on your baby, this will be difficult, you could ask for a counsellor or pay privately, it's do important to let out emotion, but I found anyone close to me just wound me up cause they were angry too. Anger come later, you have a baby to deliver ! They are your priority and yourself.

Do not have him there to register the birth ( this will give him automatic P.r) if he wants it he can easily go to court and get it but let him sort that out himself.

No contact, you will have times when you feel sorry that he has missed out, that is cause you are a nice person. He is not, do not treat him like a normal nice person. Nice people do not do stuff like this.

prettywhiteguitar · 19/06/2016 13:26

P.s move home ASAP but get copied of finances and you need to sort what you are going to do about the house.

Soup worked best for me when I didn't want to eat.

Solasum · 19/06/2016 13:34

I'd move back to your mums right now. It will be much harder moving with a tiny baby. He has forfeited the right to have his child convenient for him and his family. Do what works best for you and your little one. So very sorry this has happened.

LynseyH5 · 19/06/2016 22:28

Hope your ok OP. Thinking about you and keep checking in for an update. I hope now your mum is with you, you feel a little better xx

Sn0wWhite · 19/06/2016 22:53

So sorry to hear this. My mother raised me all by herself, because my father was just too irresponsible to keep a job or stay sober. It wasn't easy but I admire my mother a whole lot for it, and she raised me and my brother all by herself. It can be done and look at it as a NEW BEGINNING for you and your baby. It was just meant to be this way. I am so sorry stay strong. Ask your family for some help, and definitely ask your mum to come and stay or go down there yourself. Whichever works easier.

Marquand · 20/06/2016 11:23

I don't have any advice, but I wish you a lot of strength.

septembersunshine · 20/06/2016 19:32

I honestly can't believe what a shit he is. I can only hope that one day karma bites him on the bum and he sees what he has done here. I think it will op. You can't be that bad and have good stuff happen. I honestly believe that, sooner or later it catches you up.

I think just concentrate on the baby and the birth. Sort out your finances. Move back home with the baby (your mum sounds sweet and supportive - she will help you I hope) and build a new life for you both up there. I'm sorry for you, must seem like a nightmare right now but at least you now know what he is. Better now then to find out years down the line.

AyeAmarok · 20/06/2016 20:26

He really is the lowest of the low. I hope it haunts him for a long time what an utter cunt he's been. His mum must be so ashamed of him now, I'm glad she knows the truth.

Take one day at a time Steph.

Kariana · 20/06/2016 20:34

Goodness how on earth did his mum react? I hope she believed you. I also hope you are going to be chasing him for child maintenance. I know at the moment you might just feel like doing nothing is better but your child deserves to at least have that support even if nothing else from him. What a selfish idiot he has been!

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope the birth goes well

Original poster

Stephy90 · 21/06/2016 09:42

Hello everyone, sorry I haven't had a chance to visit this post in a couple of days but I have been busy giving birth to my beautiful baby girl and I have just arrived home with her!! I know it's off topic but she is absolutely gorgeous and I feel so proud to have created her!

To answer some of your questions, my ex's mother was extremely shocked when I explained everything to her and she has been constantly apologising to me on his behalf. She has herself tried to contact him since he left and has not been able to get hold of him. So far he has disconnected his phone as whenever the number is dialled it doesn't even ring. He has quit his job along with his new woman (this was obviously planned for some time as there is a long notice period at his place of work) and at the moment, I have no idea whereabouts within the country he is. Financially I have been left in a horrendous situation as he managed to clear all of our joint accounts - one of which held a large amount of savings in towards our new baby. Other than our house (which we both own) I have been left with nothing and as it stands, I don't anticipate him paying anything towards our mortgage or the upkeep of our child. I think there is going to be some very stressful times ahead but right now I plan on enjoying my new baby girl!

OP posts:

KittensandKnitting · 21/06/2016 09:49

Gosh OP I don't think I've read anything so very awful, your showing an amazing amount of strength! And who's the has really left you in a terrible situation financially I have no doubt you will get through this!

Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl! This is the nice part of the story and I'm so glad it all went well for you and this is an exciting new beginning, congratulations

KittensandKnitting · 21/06/2016 09:50

Whilst he has / not and who's the

Not sure what my phone is doing today :)

Nuggy2013 · 21/06/2016 10:05

Congratulations on your beautiful baby OP. Wish you both the absolute best x

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