2 weeks before I'm due and partner of 5yrs has walked out

[Stephy90]

Don't know why I'm here really, I just feel lost. Been with my partner for 5 years, bought a home together and agreed it was the right time to try for a baby. I got pregnant shortly after and he was more excited than anything, we were both overjoyed. About a month ago he started acting strange and working a lot of overtime. Despite numerous attempts to talk to him about it, I got shot down and told that this pregnancy must be affecting me strangely, that I was imagining it. Turns out this 'overtime' was in fact spent with a woman he'd met at work. Suspected nothing prior to last month. We had should a wonderful relationship prior to all this. Came home yesterday after a 3 day stay with family who live hours away to find his wardrobe empty and the majority of his possessions gone from our home. Was left with nothing but a long note explaining he'd met someone else, couldn't 'do this' anymore, he would be uncontactable and that he was so very sorry. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out. I'm totally numb. Just 2 weeks until it should have been the happiest day of my life and now this. What the hell do I do?

You've done nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about Stephy.
Unfortunately you are married to a slug of the lowest order and he had lied to you and deceived you and now he has abandoned you at your most vulnerable.

These are his failings and embarrassments, not yours.

Presumably you know where he works and where his family live?

Talk to your Mum as soon as you can. Let her help you.

What an utter shitbag.
You've been given some excellent advice about the practical/emotional side.
I would get some urgent legal advice in your shoes.
Are you married? Whose name is your house in? You probably (financially) need to make sure he is responsible for financially contributing to the baby even if he doesn't want to be emotionally involved. I think it's worth knowing what your options are legally.

Stephy my heart goes out to you. Go home now. Move away from this horrible human being before the baby is born. Tell your parents - they will be angry for you and you don't need to be embarrassed. Screw him being uncontactable - you go uncontactable!

what an utter shit bag. I second contacting your mother my parents and family were amazing when my ex walked out on me for someone else when we had a one year old. It's going to be difficult but you will look back when you look at your DC and realise how lucky you are without him. You deserve more and so does your baby.

I am so, so sorry. This may feel like the end of the world, but we women (especially us pregnant women!) are built of strong stuff, and you are braver and more resilient than you know. Your protective mother bear instinct will kick in; you will get through this and build an amazing life for you and your little one.

Have you started maternity leave yet. If I were you I'd be tempted to move home for the birth and forseeable future, though I can see why you may want to stick with plans you have already made - do you think your mum could come and stay with you until baby arrives and then you could go back to hers afterwards?

How do you get on with your midwife - she may also be a good source of support, or your health visitor-to-be who will be able to advise on benefits you may now be entitled to.

Stay strong x

Wow, what a coward he is making himself uncontactable so that he doesn't have to face the music, Total Tw@t! definitely call your mum, sorry this has happened to you xx

Hope you're OK - what a disgusting waste of space he is
Hope you get your mum round asap for hugs and support

Oh sweetheart . I'm six months down the line from you. Ex left four weeks before ds2 was born. Ds1 was 18 months old and it was just before Christmas. He had someone else as well.

Firstly please please please don't feel embarrassed. He should feel shame, not you. I was mortified but that does get easier.

Try and eat if you can or at least drink something sugary: fizzy drink, smoothie, soup, anything you can get down you. My gp prescribed me anti nausea which were safe for pregnancy which didn't do loads but took the edge off.

Get your GP and midwife aware of the situation. They can flag you up as needing extra support postnatally, up to you how much you take but very good to know it's there if you need it. I have a history of shaky mental health so I also had anti depressants lined up ready to start taking as soon as baby was born (they take a while to build up in system). That's a personal choice though obviously.

Tell people. It's awful and scary and makes it seem very real but you need the support. Nobody will be judging you for this I promise.

You do need to get ducks in a row finances wise. You'll probably be eligible for tax credits as a single parent, turn2us is a good website to find out what you're entitled to. Equally, making an appointment with Citizens Advice can also be useful. Staff at Children's Centres can also be very useful and sometimes more approachable.

My mum came with me for the birth. It wasn't what I'd imagined, it was very hard and I did get tearful over what should have been. Now? Now I look back on it and have the most wonderful glowing memories of my baby's birth my mum was absolutely thrilled to be there, and I hope you can find someone who deserves that honour because your ex definitely doesn't. At least you've found that out now and not after the birth.

It does get better, it really does but I'm afraid it just takes time. I can honestly say I am happy now. My ex still drives me mad sometimes and in some ways I wish he had fucked off entirely without contact because I probably would be over him even more by now (I don't want him back but he can still get under my skin sometimes) but there we go. And the bond I have with my children is incredible, we are an amazing little team and you will be too with your little one.

Please do feel free to pm me if you want. It's a terrifying and devastating thing to happen, if I can help in any way please do drop me a message.

Please check out doula uk and apply for a doula to support you on the day you give birth under the doula uk fund if money is tight. Have someone there to support you and be there for you who has seen birth a million times before.

I'm so sorry. You must feel awful. Don't be ashamed, there is no reason for it. He shpuld be ashamed of himself. Please call your mum tomorrow, you need people that love you at the moment. I wish you all the strength there is.

I couldn't read this and not write something. Please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. He has done the most awful thing to you and you did nothing to deserve it. Think about the people who knew and didn't say anything, they should be the ones hanging their heads in shame. You ex should be doing the same and I really hope he has a tiny bit of conscience that niggles at him. Get in touch with YOUR friends and family as I know they'll be there for you. The mutual 'friends' need to be down in their knees if they ever want a friendship with you again, although I thinks it's fair to say most of them will be too embarrassed to show their faces. YOU have NOTHING to feel bad for at all

Please tell your mum now so you can go to sleep knowing she's coming in the morning.

What a shit.

You will get through this OP and you will be ok

What a cuntless idiot! You will be ok OP, even if it doesn't feel like it now.

How could any woman fall for a man who would do this??!!???

What an absolute fucking arsehole! Imagine doing that, really the lowest thing he could do. As for his colleague, she must be aware of you and the fact you're pregnant and therefore she's a fucking arsehole too

As pp have said please call your mum and tell your mw straight away to see what support they can give you to move hospital if that's what you want.

You've nothing to be ashamed of at all, he's a pig and doesn't deserve you and your lovely child.

Get every penny you can out of any joint account you have before he empties them as I suspect you will have trouble getting any maintenance off him for the baby.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and would be devastated, I can't imagine how you feel.

I second that. The OW must feel like she has won a filthy, dirty prize in getting your dh. He's done such such a disgusting thing, anyone who would want a life with someone like that, well... God help them.

Thank you so much everyone for the kind comments and practical advice, it's all been so helpful and although I still feel like hell, I do feel a tiny bit more positive now. I called my mum late last night and she is devastated and fuming. She'll be here by later on today and is going to stay with me here for the birth, I'd love to have gone home but I'm very uncomfortable at the moment and I have a feeling I'll be giving birth early. After that I plan on going back to stay with friends and family back home for support and I'll sort of the rest out later.

The worst part... I thought things through last night after contacting my mum and decided I'd try and contact my partner's mother. Ended up on the phone for an hour after originally calling her and getting a very frosty response. Turns out the utter arsehole had told her that I had admitted to having an affair and had told him that the baby was not his! In total shock! I now suspect this is what he has told our mutual friends and his other family members as his excuse for running away, which would explain why they have all been acting strangely around me over the last few weeks. I struggle to believe that somebody who was the love of my life could make up such spiteful lies to not only leave me heartbroken and a single parent but to damage by name while he's at it. I can only hope now that I don't have to see him again and that I can slowly move on and rebuild

Oh my goodness me. You poor thing.

Thank goodness you called his mother. You've had a lucky escape, although it may not feel like that now. I'm glad you've got some good support

I'm glad his mother now knows the truth and that your mum is on her way to support you. I know it may feel impossible just now but try to have some breakfast and then maybe go for a nice bath while you're waiting for your mum to arrive - just look after yourself and your baby xx

Wow. What a coward he is.
I cannot imagine at all what this must feel like for you but I am so very pleased your mum is on her way and will be there supporting you for the birth aswel. I'm hoping now you've spoken to your mum that a little of the weight has lifted, now that you aren't carrying this by yourself.

If I were you I'd be severely tempted to put the full facts on Facebook just so everyone can read it and feel bad for the way they have treated you recently. (I'm not usually one to air dirty laundry but hate it when people can't defend themselves).

How were things left with his mum? Has she showed some support in this? Was she angry at him? I really hope so.

Give yourself a rest, lie on the sofa with some comfort foods and watch trash on the tv. I think if ever there was a time for over indulgence, it's now!

Good grief it just gets worse! What an utter shit. You poor thing. Sending virtual hugs - glad your mum will be there to give you some proper ones soon!

Bless you hun. This is awful and I really feel for you. I'm glad you have your mum to lean on hun. I say you had a lucky escape!! How can anyone be so cruel, and heartless! !