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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

following from other thread, WHY don't pregnant women ask for a seat?

18 replies

oranges · 12/01/2007 13:10

It strikes me that many women who fight like tigers for the health of their children, are too nervous to ask for a seat on public transport. Why? I know that in an ideal world, passengers would automatically give up their seat, but given that they don't why not ask?

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Booboobedoo · 12/01/2007 13:11

There are a couple of examples on the other thread that answer your question oranges. I know my area is an unusual case, but sometimes asking someone to step off your foot can lead to a torrent of abuse.

Booboobedoo · 12/01/2007 13:12

I still ask, btw.

Original poster

oranges · 12/01/2007 13:13

That's horrific booboobedoo. But why stop asking just because some people are morons? They'd be abusive whatever you do. Glad to see you still ask.

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ShowOfHands · 12/01/2007 13:14

I have asked so many times for a seat on the bus. I have been tutted at, ignored and called all manner of names from a 'lazy btch' to a 'fckin waste of space'. The times that somebody does get up are seriously outweighed by the times that I have been verbally abused and I am too frightened to ask most of the time. Just last week I burst into tears on the bus because of the comments of a group of school children who thought it was funny that I had almost fallen over and was clearly pregnant and struggling.

The hassle is often not worth it.

fannyannie · 12/01/2007 13:14

I don't ask for a seat because I go on the old saying "don't judge a book by it's cover". Too many times before my mums Parkinsons got really bad people asked her/commented about her that she should ahve given up her seat - as she looked perfectly healthy and able to stand.....but she couldn't.

You never know what 'hidden' condition could make it difficult for someone to stand.

And - at the end of the day - I'm only pg - not ill!

wurlywurly · 12/01/2007 13:16

i have a disabled friend and when ever we went out on the bus she would quite happily approach someone and ask if they minded giving up a seat so that she could sit down and she has always been very polite about it. At the same time was coming home on the bus one day with ds1 and there wasnt 2 seats together so he sat with someone else in the row of seats infront of where i was sitting, then this very rude lady got on the bus and shouted "who's kid is this, I need a seat", how rude, i would quite happily give up my seat for her to sit down (there was other seats available) but how dare she single out my son, he got very upset and all the people on the bus was looking at him.

ShowOfHands · 12/01/2007 13:16

Aah fannyannie, I used to prescribe to the 'pregnant not ill' doctrine but I have had very low blood pressure during this pregnancy and fainted several times on the bus. I have cracked open my head and bruised my bump and find that I have to ask for a seat at times to save myself from sparking out.

Original poster

oranges · 12/01/2007 13:20

But you could ask nicely and in the direction of a few people - gives someone who is unwell the option of ignoring you!
Showofhands - really?? Wow, I live in a rough bit of London and never had that.

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glitterkitty · 12/01/2007 14:54

What showofhands said- its simply not worth the hassle. I have been told I'm 'taking the p*ss' when I have asked- I'd rather stand to be honest!

oranges- do you ask regularly for a seat? Has it worked for you?

Booboobedoo · 12/01/2007 14:57

Me too: being pregnant made me ill. I was bedbound for the first three months with Hyperemesis, then very faint for the 2nd trimester.

I ask if I'm feeling strong, but (as we all know) pregnancy is an emotional, hormonal time, and if baby penguins getting lost on the telly can make you cry, foul teens laughing at you certainly will!

Original poster

oranges · 12/01/2007 15:17

I have always asked for seats and people always say yes. Nicely too. I tend to ask young men in suits. and in the roughest bits of London, I've been astonished to find teenage boys rush over to help me carry my pram down stairs etc. I do agree that when pregnant and hormonal, if someone had made a horrid comment, I would have burst into tears and not asked again.

It never occured to me to not ask, but after reading some of these stories, I think I may be too nervous to ask in future.

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glitterkitty · 12/01/2007 15:22

oranges, u lucky thing! And dont let our horror stories stop you!

Maybe you are looking blooming and gorgeous, and I just look like a raddled old hag? Are you very big? Im only 25 weeks but plenty big enough to look obviously pregnant...

PS: Are you sure you live in the same London as me? This definatly isnt how it works in sarf London...

Original poster

oranges · 12/01/2007 15:27

I'm in sarf London. I'm short and tended to wear a long coat that did not make it obvious if I was pregnant. And I certainly did not look gorgeous! Quite smiley though.

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Imafairy · 12/01/2007 15:29

One morning as I was waiting to get on the tube to go to work, this man elbowed past me and ran and grabbed the last seat (I was 7.5months pregnant at the time, and wearing v.tight top, so there was NO doubt ). So I walked up to him, told him firmly (but loudly!!) that I had been there first, that he had pushed me out of the way, and could he please get up and give me MY seat. He got up and sloped off down the other end of the carriage.
The funny thing was, only one of two people caught my eye and smiled at me afterwards - all the others kept their heads down, obviously thinking I was a madwoman!!!
Still, I was on a buzz for the rest of the day!!!!

Original poster

oranges · 12/01/2007 22:45

Good for you imafairy. I do think pregnant women need to be more bolshy and act as if they have a right to these seats. Especially the priority seating. I could not give a toss if someone glared at me while I was protecting my child. Why should I care what they think if the child is inside me?

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lisjane2 · 12/01/2007 23:49

i don't know what it is but when i'm pregnant something takes over me and i find myself acting as if my bump is most important thing in the world to me so should be to everyone else, i find that old MEN are the worst for being the rudest. which is crazy cos i always think you should respect your elders. Teenage kids are bad too! i find them taking up all the space in a lift when they are clearly young and fit enough to run to the lift so should get the stairs!
its normally people who wouldn't know what it feels like to be pregnant!
it doesn't help that i've become very quick tempter with this preg

Shoobiedoo · 13/01/2007 22:59

Recently I booked a seat on a train as I knew it would be packed and since I have low blood pressure and back pain, I just had to get a seat for the three hour journey. There were no seats and when I politely asked the girl who was in my seat if she wouldn't mind getting up since I had prebooked that seat, she wouldn't do it. I had to explain to her that I was 6 months pregnant and had back trouble which is why I'd booked and even then she asked to see my ticket with the seat number on it as if she thought I was pulling a fast one. A few people round us were tutting at her though, since I was very definitely showing as quite preggers. And then she got off at the next stop 10 mins later!

Then to contrast with that I got on my local bus the other day and as I was paying, the people at the front shuffled round and someone stood up and said "Here you go, love" which made me cry I was so touched (hormones again).

Gemmitygem · 14/01/2007 02:55

I think it's part of being in a society, you should be 'allowed' to address other people and ask for a seat. They might be selfish but need to learn a lesson. I did find older people more sympathetic when I was pg because they'd either had kids or knew what it felt like to be in need of a seat.

But think there's nothing wrong with asking the carriage at large for a seat, embarass someone into giving it up. I will also ensure that my DS/any other kids I have are trained to give up their seats (as I did as a kid)...

we're all in it together! I'm a firm believer in speaking out in public; just look at cases like the terrible James Bulger one, if people had been more busybody his life might have been saved...

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