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Original poster

Can I have a rant about people who don't give up their seat on pulic transport?

73 replies

BlueberryPancake · 11/01/2007 13:12

I'm so cross I could explode. I live in London and have a short journey on the underground everyday and I am fed up with people looking streight at my belly, and not offering me their seat. grrrrrr. This morning I had a real row with some young bloke who could clearly (clearly) see that I was pregnant - he kept on looking at my belly and I have a very big one but I'm still quite slim, so there's no excuse. Someone at the other end of the carriage offered me a seat but it was so packed that I couldn't get there, and that stupid little man never offered me a seat. I litteraly had a fit when he started laughing because I couldn't get to the available seat, and he called me a 'stupid bitch' in front of everyone and nobody (NOBODY) said anything, there was even a girl standing next to me who was laughing! I could have strangled her I sware. WHy are people so selfish?

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southeastastra · 11/01/2007 13:18

blimey that's awful, no-one saying anything doesn't surprise me though, the underground sucks when you're pg. my mate used to shout 'lady with baby' so people would get up. i imagine most of the other people thought the bloke was an arse but i wish more would say something!

ShowOfHands · 11/01/2007 13:20

I do sympathise. I have an hour long journey to work every day on the bus and it is very rare that anybody offers me a seat. Today a guy jumped up and somebody else sat down before I could get there.

I had a problem with low blood pressure at about 17weeks and fainted a few times on the bus- cracked my head open, sprained my wrist and bruised my bump quite badly and took to asking politely if I could have a seat. I have been called all sorts of names from 'lazy' to a 'bitch' for asking (and I am clearly pregnant). Now I don't ask, I hang on and grit my teeth.

It drives me loopy some days, but I've given up worrying about it as it just makes me feel poorly for the rest of the day.

Iklboo · 11/01/2007 13:23

I'd have told him he was only laughing to cover up the fact he was jealous someone could get me pregnant because

A) He obviously has a tiny dick (apart from the one on his head)

B) He is so pathetic his sperm are glad when he has a wank so they can get OUT of his body to spare their embarrassment

C) He is so stupid he couldn't spell IQ without help

D) No self respecting woman would touch him if he was the last man on earth and there was a world-wide battery shortage

Carmenere · 11/01/2007 13:23

You both have all my sympathy When I was pregnant I had to go on the tube a few times and I found people extremely fecking rude and unhelpful. It is a really sad indicator of society that someone would laugh at a pregnant woman trying to get to her seat. And that noone stood or stood up for you, disgraceful

sunnywong · 11/01/2007 13:28

BP
You're a better woman than I am, I would have screamed "C87t" at the top of my voice and started sobbing

Although Ih only got to do it a couple of times, my favourite thing was to bend down to the nearest young man and say " I wonder if you would be kind enough to give me your seat as I seem to be slightly more pregnant that you?"

3rdTriMossTer · 11/01/2007 13:30

BlueberryPancake you have my sympathies.

I lived in London for a while and remember trying to get onto a Connex train in the mornings. It was totally packed; the goal wasn't getting a seat back then it was actually squeezing on the train in the first place!

So I can imagine what it must be like to be pg in London with the packed trains / tubes.

They sound like horrible people especially that bloke. Did you say anything back? I can't believe no one else said anything or stuck up for you! If I had been there and seen that I would have started mouthing off and tried to get the whole train involved!!

I am lucky in that I work in Liverpool and the trains aren't so packed. On the odd occasion they have been, I don't know whether or not people would give up their seats of their own accord because the train guard has always spotted me getting on, and asked people to move.

If the tubes are a nightmare, is there a bus you could get? I know they take a lot longer but they are much less packed in iirc.

saltire · 11/01/2007 13:33

To turn this around slightly (and i do know how annoyed you are as i have been there myself). I was on a bus once, a full bus. Everyone who had got on was young, so i didn't offer my seat, however a very pregnant woman got on, and i got up and offered her my seat.
She scolwed at me, and shouted
"I'm just pregnant, not disabled, so stop treating me as though i am".
So needless to say i sat down again

aDad · 11/01/2007 13:34

BP that sounds awful. And yet not at all surprising. My DP regularly wouldnt get a seat even when very pregnant.

jura · 11/01/2007 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BlueberryPancake · 11/01/2007 13:39

I only have 9 days left at work and three days left holidays, so technically I only have 6 days left and I'm counting the hours. I get seats about 50% of the time I'd say, but this morning was just so frustrating because that bloke could clearly see that I was pregnant, and there was another woman sitting next to him and she looked streight at my belly and streignt at my face and didn't buldge. Hypocrits.

That bloke MUST have had a small willy.

I didn't actually say anything back to him, I just had a giggle and turned my back on him, i couldn't be bothered replying, or maybe I was just in total chock that some idiot would say that in public, what a terrible little man.

OP posts:
aDad · 11/01/2007 13:40

I'm fairly sure I offered my seat to someone i thought was pregnant but actually wasn't, a couple of months ago. She didn't actually say so much but looked surrpised and then annoyed, as she sat down.

So maybe in some cases that does account for staring - people stare in an "is she isnt she?" kind of way. You want to be sure before you offer.

BTW I am not saying this was the case with you today.

Kelly1978 · 11/01/2007 13:43

I sort of accidently sat on someone once when pg and nobody would give me their seat. I was pg with the twins and the tram stopped suddenly and I sort of fell backwards onto them.
I used to push the buggy right up to people practically on their feet to annoy them too, in the hope they might bugger off. I never dared ask.

Flossam · 11/01/2007 13:44

Oh BP, wouldn't it have been wickedly brilliant if you had laughed at him, turned around and, err, well you know how awful wind can be when you are pregnant, don't you?

He'd sure as hell of been sorry then!

KathyMCMLXXII · 11/01/2007 13:51

I had a seriously embarrassing seat-related incident at a bus stop when I was 8 months pg last autumn...

I was completely knackered and dizzy, there were no seats free, and I got into conversation with an oldish lady who was sympathising with me (as I thought) about how terrible it was when people (esp young fit healthy types) didn't give up their seats.
Then someone moved and I gratefully sank down.... and realised from the look she gave me that she had wanted the seat, didn't know I was pregnant, and thought I was just sympathising with her about absence of seat.

Original poster
BlueberryPancake · 11/01/2007 14:03

I'm not so bothered if I don't get a seat, I know how londoners can be, with their nose in their newspapers/books. What I'm really cross about is that some people clearly notice and look directly at the tummy, but choose not to offer their seat.

Because it's winter I usually wear a big coat and I know that it's not so obvious sometimes - although I have a huge tummy. But this morning I took my coat off because it was hot (well I was hot anyway!) and I am wearing a fitted top, it's so obvious that I'm pregnant. My tummy was litteraly inches away from that guy's face, honnestly it's difficult to think that he wouldn't have noticed. He was a very aggressive type of guy, so I think that people were actually scared.

OP posts:
glitterkitty · 11/01/2007 14:14

Aaaarrrggghhh! I have this every morning- sure it makes my blood pressure rise before I even get on bus/train- wondering will I/wont I get a seat!

Its ridiculous that people dont let you sit down when clearly pregnant (and I am BIG)- I especially hate the ones that 'Don't notice' you are pregnant- i.e. usually involving a shifty look, and quickly closing eyes to feign sleep/burying face in utterly gripping book. While you stand there until you faint.

Nothing really helps, but I do find opening coat/ rubbing belly/ shifting from foot to foot/ fanning self with paper sometimes works.

And yes, that bloke was probably a tiny willied bitter person who had just been checked for the 5th time because of his foul breath and crap technique. pities

glitterkitty · 11/01/2007 14:15

chucked, obviously. Not checked. stupid emoticon

meowmix · 11/01/2007 14:17

I got attacked on a bus when 8 mths pg (and very round of front) by some mad female who told me I shouldn't travel in rush hour because I was took up the space of two people and was being selfish. My crime? bumping into her when the bus hurtled round a corner and jogging her paper which she was sat reading. The thing that got me is I'm really quite little - went up to a size 12 when pg type thing and she had to be a size 18.

Moose. [still after all these years emoticon]

aDad · 11/01/2007 14:18

that's awful meowmix!!

pooka · 11/01/2007 14:20

I have a friend who said she didn't see why people should give up their seats forpregnant women (when I was pregnant). Funnily enough, she found it somewhat trying doing the commute when she became pregnant.
I found that actually I would get offered seats fairly often if I positioned myself standing next to older, but not elderly men (also standing).They were fantasically vocal, in a way that I wasn't, and quite brilliant at shaming youngsters into getting up for me.
My mother once asked a woman in M&S just after I was first pregnant when her baby was due. "I'm not, it's a fibroid" was the response. for her.

meowmix · 11/01/2007 14:22

DH (who is quite large) used to loom menacingly over people on the train for me. He referred to it as channelling his inner Mitchell brother.

beansprout · 11/01/2007 14:22

I know I have tried to catch the eye of 2nd trimesterish stage preg women in a sort of "would you like my seat?" kind of a way. On that basis, I would take any eye contact or eye-to-belly contact as a tentative offer and gratefully accept, with a huge "thank you, you are so kind, I really need to sit down" type response. At least if they refuse, you have then made a public declaration that you really, really need a seat.

Whenever anyone did give up their seat for me, I was so ridiculously grateful, it was almost sad!

glitterkitty · 11/01/2007 14:28

beansprout- believe me, short of pulling their papers down from in font of their faces, or poking their eyes open, I doubt I could be any more keen to catch peoples eyes to let me sit! Its the determined lack of eye contact that I find difficult...

And I'm sure the vast majority of pregnant women are extremely (& vocally!) grateful when people offer- I suppose I could fall to my knees in gratitude but that might be overdoing it?

time4tea · 11/01/2007 14:32

friends, this is great. I've been thinking of writing to London Transport and/or Ken Livingstone about this issue. I am 33 weeks now , and with a DS (2) in a buggy. The amount of times I don't get a seat/people tutting/buses not even stopping, or if they do, expecting me to fold the buggy (fair enough) but outside the bus with a 2 year old ready to do a runner onto the road, or letting me on to let down the buggy, but then lurching off within seconds with me falling (has happened twice now).

I think if this was the kind of treatment disabled people were getting (who, incidentally, also have a rubbish time on public transport, but at least have pressure groups and the law representing their interests, unlike pregnant women/new parents of both sexes...) or some other minority group, there would be an outcry.

Will definitely raise this now that there are other suffers out there. I find it particularly galling as a buggy user, as the only public info reference on posters etc is to parents saying "be prepared to fold it down" with the picture of a ginormous buggy! nothing like: Londoners, give up your seats to those less able to stand than you - and obvious pictures of pregnant women, elderly, etc.

thanks for starting this excellent discussion

Booboobedoo · 11/01/2007 14:35

BlueberryPancake: I feel for you, I really do.

I'm nearly 33 weeks and huge. A 14 year old boy in the park yesterday screamed at me:

"I'll fck you so hard your baby'll get a fcking brain haemmorrage" [sp?]. His friends thought it was hilarious.

Last time I was on the tube people gave me their seats when I asked them (only one at a time obviously: I'm not that huge), but I nearly got crushed getting off the tube at Brixton. I yelled at the top of my voice "Get out of my way, or I'll have the babby right now". It was like the parting of the waves .